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This one had two distinct failings。 His English was decidedly
weak。 Indeed； it was not English at all。 I do not know what you
would call it。 It was not altogether his fault； he had learnt
English from a Scotch lady。 I understand Scotch fairly wellto
keep abreast of modern English literature this is necessary；but
to understand broad Scotch talked with a Sclavonic accent；
occasionally relieved by German modifications； taxes the
intelligence。 For the first hour it was difficult to rid one's
self of the conviction that the man was choking。 Every moment we
expected him to die on our hands。 In the course of the morning we
grew accustomed to him； and rid ourselves of the instinct to throw
him on his back every time he opened his mouth； and tear his
clothes from him。 Later； we came to understand a part of what he
said； and this led to the discovery of his second failing。
It would seem he had lately invented a hair…restorer； which he had
persuaded a local chemist to take up and advertise。 Half his time
he had been pointing out to us； not the beauties of Prague； but the
benefits likely to accrue to the human race from the use of this
concoction； and the conventional agreement with which； under the
impression he was waxing eloquent concerning views and
architecture； we had met his enthusiasm he had attributed to
sympathetic interest in this wretched wash of his。
The result was that now there was no keeping him away from the
subject。 Ruined palaces and crumbling churches he dismissed with
curt reference as mere frivolities； encouraging a morbid taste for
the decadent。 His duty； as he saw it； was not to lead us to dwell
upon the ravages of time； but rather to direct our attention to the
means of repairing them。 What had we to do with broken…headed
heroes； or bald…headed saints？ Our interest should be surely in
the living world； in the maidens with their flowing tresses； or the
flowing tresses they might have； by judicious use of 〃Kophkeo；〃 in
the young men with their fierce moustachesas pictured on the
label。
Unconsciously； in his own mind； he had divided the world into two
sections。 The Past （〃Before Use〃）； a sickly； disagreeable…looking；
uninteresting world。 The Future （〃After Use〃） a fat； jolly； God…
bless…everybody sort of world； and this unfitted him as a guide to
scenes of mediaeval history。
He sent us each a bottle of the stuff to our hotel。 It appeared
that in the early part of our converse with him we had；
unwittingly； clamoured for it。 Personally； I can neither praise it
nor condemn it。 A long series of disappointments has disheartened
me； added to which a permanent atmosphere of paraffin； however
faint； is apt to cause remark； especially in the case of a married
man。 Now； I never try even the sample。
I gave my bottle to George。 He asked for it to send to a man he
knew in Leeds。 I learnt later that Harris had given him his bottle
also； to send to the same man。
A suggestion of onions has clung to this tour since we left Prague。
George has noticed it himself。 He attributes it to the prevalence
of garlic in European cooking。
It was in Prague that Harris and I did a kind and friendly thing to
George。 We had noticed for some time past that George was getting
too fond of Pilsener beer。 This German beer is an insidious drink；
especially in hot weather； but it does not do to imbibe too freely
of it。 It does not get into your head； but after a time it spoils
your waist。 I always say to myself on entering Germany：
〃Now； I will drink no German beer。 The white wine of the country；
with a little soda…water； perhaps occasionally a glass of Ems or
potash。 But beer； neveror； at all events； hardly ever。〃
It is a good and useful resolution； which I recommend to all
travellers。 I only wish I could keep to it myself。 George；
although I urged him； refused to bind himself by any such hard and
fast limit。 He said that in moderation German beer was good。
〃One glass in the morning；〃 said George； 〃one in the evening； or
even two。 That will do no harm to anyone。〃
Maybe he was right。 It was his half…dozen glasses that troubled
Harris and myself。
〃We ought to do something to stop it；〃 said Harris； 〃it is becoming
serious。〃
〃It's hereditary； so he has explained to me；〃 I answered。 〃It
seems his family have always been thirsty。〃
〃There is Apollinaris water；〃 replied Harris； 〃which； I believe；
with a little lemon squeezed into it； is practically harmless。
What I am thinking about is his figure。 He will lose all his
natural elegance。〃
We talked the matter over； and； Providence aiding us； we fixed upon
a plan。 For the ornamentation of the town a new statue had just
been cast。 I forget of whom it was a statue。 I only remember that
in the essentials it was the usual sort of street statue；
representing the usual sort of gentleman； with the usual stiff
neck； riding the usual sort of horsethe horse that always walks
on its hind legs； keeping its front paws for beating time。 But in
detail it possessed individuality。 Instead of the usual sword or
baton； the man was holding； stretched out in his hand； his own
plumed hat； and the horse； instead of the usual waterfall for a
tail； possessed a somewhat attenuated appendage that somehow
appeared out of keeping with his ostentatious behaviour。 One felt
that a horse with a tail like that would not have pranced so much。
It stood in a small square not far from the further end of the
Karlsbrucke； but it stood there only temporarily。 Before deciding
finally where to fix it； the town authorities had resolved； very
sensibly； to judge by practical test where it would look best。
Accordingly； they had made three rough copies of the statuemere
wooden profiles； things that would not bear looking at closely； but
which； viewed from a little distance； produced all the effect that
was necessary。 One of these they had set up at the approach to the
Franz…Josefsbrucke； a second stood in the open space behind the
theatre； and the third in the centre of the Wenzelsplatz。
〃If George is not in the secret of this thing；〃 said Harriswe
were walking by ourselves for an hour； he having remained behind in
the hotel to write a letter to his aunt；〃if he has not observed
these statues； then by their aid we will make a better and a
thinner man of him； and that this very evening。〃
So during dinner we sounded him； judiciously； and finding him
ignorant of the matter； we took him out； and led him by side…
streets to the place where stood the real statue。 George was for
looking at it and passing on； as is his way with statues； but we
insisted on his pulling up and viewing the thing conscientiously。
We walked him round that statue four times； and showed it to him
from every possible point of view。 I think； on the whole； we
rather bored him with the thing； but our object was to impress it
upon him。 We told him the history of the man who rode upon the
horse； the name of the artist who had made the statue； how much it
weighed； how much it measured。 We worked that statue into his
system。 By the time we had done with him he knew more about that
statue； for the time being； tha