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could have conceived or executed such a character。 The sacristan
wanted to have it that she was not a woman at all； but was a
portrait of St。 Joachim； the Virgin's father。 〃Sembra una donna；〃
he pleaded more than once； 〃ma non e donna。〃 Surely； however； in
works of art even more than in other things； there is no 〃is〃 but
seeming； and if a figure seems female it must be taken as such。
Besides； I asked one of the leading doctors at Varallo whether the
figure was man or woman。 He said it was evident I was not married；
for that if I had been I should have seen at once that she was not
only a woman but a mother…in…law of the first magnitude； or； as he
called it； 〃una suocera tremenda；〃 and this without knowing that I
wanted her to be a mother…in…law myself。 Unfortunately she had no
real drapery； so I could not settle the question as my friend Mr。 H。
F。 Jones and I had been able to do at Varallo with the figure of Eve
that had been turned into a Roman soldier assisting at the capture
of Christ。 I am not； however； disposed to waste more time upon
anything so obvious； and will content myself with saying that we
have here the Virgin's grandmother。 I had never had the pleasure；
so far as I remembered； of meeting this lady before； and was glad to
have an opportunity of making her acquaintance。
Tradition says that it was she who chose the Virgin's name； and if
so； what a debt of gratitude do we not owe her for her judicious
selection！ It makes one shudder to think what might have happened
if she had named the child Keren…Happuch； as poor Job's daughter was
called。 How could we have said； 〃Ave Keren…Happuch！〃 What would
the musicians have done？ I forget whether Maher…Shalal…Hash…Baz was
a man or a woman； but there were plenty of names quite as
unmanageable at the Virgin's grandmother's option； and we cannot
sufficiently thank her for having chosen one that is so euphonious
in every language which we need take into account。 For this reason
alone we should not grudge her her portrait； but we should try to
draw the line here。 I do not think we ought to give the Virgin's
great…grandmother a statue。 Where is it to end？ It is like Mr。
Crookes's ultimissimate atoms； we used to draw the line at ultimate
atoms； and now it seems we are to go a step farther back and have
ultimissimate atoms。 How long； I wonder； will it be before we feel
that it will be a material help to us to have ultimissimissimate
atoms？ Quavers stopped at demi…semi…demi； but there is no reason to
suppose that either atoms or ancestresses of the Virgin will be so
complacent。
I have said that on St。 Anne's left hand there is a lady who is
bringing in some flowers。 St。 Anne was always passionately fond of
flowers。 There is a pretty story told about her in one of the
Fathers； I forget which； to the effect that when a child she was
asked which she liked bestcakes or flowers？ She could not yet
speak plainly and lisped out； 〃Oh fowses； pretty fowses〃； she added；
however； with a sigh and as a kind of wistful corollary； 〃but cakes
are very nice。〃 She is not to have any cakes； just now； but as soon
as she has done thanking the lady for her beautiful nosegay； she is
to have a couple of nice new…laid eggs； that are being brought her
by another lady。 Valsesian women immediately after their
confinement always have eggs beaten up with wine and sugar； and one
can tell a Valsesian Birth of the Virgin from a Venetian or a
Florentine by the presence of the eggs。 I learned this from an
eminent Valsesian professor of medicine； who told me that； though
not according to received rules； the eggs never seemed to do any
harm。 Here they are evidently to be beaten up； for there is neither
spoon nor egg…cup； and we cannot suppose that they were hard…boiled。
On the other hand； in the Middle Ages Italians never used egg…cups
and spoons for boiled eggs。 The mediaeval boiled egg was always
eaten by dipping bread into the yolk。
Behind the lady who is bringing in the eggs is the under…under…nurse
who is at the fire warming a towel。 In the foreground we have the
regulation midwife holding the regulation baby （who； by the way； was
an astonishingly fine child for only five minutes old）。 Then comes
the under…nursea good buxom creature； who； as usual； is feeling
the water in the bath to see that it is of the right temperature。
Next to her is the head…nurse； who is arranging the cradle。 Behind
the head…nurse is the under…under…nurse's drudge； who is just going
out upon some errands。 Lastlyfor by this time we have got all
round the chapelwe arrive at the Virgin's grandmother's…body…
guard； a stately； responsible…looking lady； standing in waiting upon
her mistress。 I put it to the readeris it conceivable that St。
Joachim should have been allowed in such a room at such a time； or
that he should have had the courage to avail himself of the
permission； even though it had been extended to him？ At any rate；
is it conceivable that he should have been allowed to sit on St。
Anne's right hand； laying down the law with a 〃Marry； come up here；〃
and a 〃Marry； go…down there；〃 and a couple of such unabashed collars
as the old lady has put on for the occasion？
Moreover （for I may as well demolish this mischievous confusion
between St。 Joachim and his mother…in…law once and for all）； the
merest tyro in hagiology knows that St。 Joachim was not at home when
the Virgin was born。 He had been hustled out of the temple for
having no children； and had fled desolate and dismayed into the
wilderness。 It shows how silly people are； for all the time he was
going； if they had only waited a little； to be the father of the
most remarkable person of purely human origin who had ever been
born； and such a parent as this should surely not be hurried。 The
story is told in the frescoes of the chapel of Loreto； only a
quarter of an hour's walk from Varallo； and no one can have known it
better than D'Enrico。 The frescoes are explained by written
passages that tell us how； when Joachim was in the desert； an angel
came to him in the guise of a fair； civil young gentleman； and told
him the Virgin was to be born。 Then； later on； the same young
gentleman appeared to him again； and bade him 〃in God's name be
comforted； and turn again to his content；〃 for the Virgin had been
actually born。 On which St。 Joachim； who seems to have been of
opinion that marriage after all WAS rather a failure； said that； as
things were going on so nicely without him； he would stay in the
desert just a little longer； and offered up a lamb as a pretext to
gain time。 Perhaps he guessed about his mother…in…law； or he may
have asked the angel。 Of course； even in spite of such evidence as
this I may be mistaken about the Virgin's grandmother's sex； and the
sacristan may be right； but I can only say that if the lady sitting
by St。 Anne's bedside at Montrigone is the Virgin's fatherwell； in
that case I must reconsider a good deal that I have been accustomed
to believe was beyond question。
Taken singly； I suppose that none of the figures in the chapel；
except the Virgin's grandmother； should be rated very highly。 The
under…nurse is the next b