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van。
It was like all other expresses； as every express is and must be。 It bore
through the harvest country a smell like a large washing… day； and a sharp
issue of steam as from a huge brazen tea…urn。 The greatest power in
nature and art combined； it yet glided over dangerous heights in the sight
of people looking up from fields and roads； as smoothly and unreally as a
light miniature plaything。 Now； the engine shrieked in hysterics of such
intensity； that it seemed desirable that the men who had her in charge
should hold her feet； slap her hands； and bring her to； now； burrowed into
tunnels with a stubborn and undemonstrative energy so confusing that the
train seemed to be flying back into leagues of darkness。 Here； were
station after station； swallowed up by the express without stopping； here；
stations where it fired itself in like a volley of cannon…balls； swooped
away four country…people with nosegays； and three men of business with
portmanteaus； and fired itself off again； bang； bang； bang！ At long
intervals were uncomfortable refreshment…rooms； made more
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
uncomfortable by the scorn of Beauty towards Beast； the public （but to
whom she never relented； as Beauty did in the story； towards the other
Beast）； and where sensitive stomachs were fed； with a contemptuous
sharpness occasioning indigestion。 Here； again； were stations with
nothing going but a bell； and wonderful wooden razors set aloft on great
posts； shaving the air。 In these fields； the horses； sheep； and cattle were
well used to the thundering meteor； and didn't mind； in those； they were all
set scampering together； and a herd of pigs scoured after them。 The
pastoral country darkened； became coaly； became smoky； became infernal；
got better； got worse； improved again； grew rugged； turned romantic； was
a wood； a stream； a chain of hills； a gorge； a moor； a cathedral town； a
fortified place； a waste。 Now； miserable black dwellings； a black canal；
and sick black towers of chimneys； now； a trim garden； where the flowers
were bright and fair； now； a wilderness of hideous altars all a… blaze； now；
the water meadows with their fairy rings； now； the mangy patch of unlet
building ground outside the stagnant town； with the larger ring where the
Circus was last week。 The temperature changed； the dialect changed； the
people changed； faces got sharper； manner got shorter； eyes got shrewder
and harder； yet all so quickly； that the spruce guard in the London uniform
and silver lace； had not yet rumpled his shirt…collar； delivered half the
dispatches in his shiny little pouch； or read his newspaper。
Carlisle！ Idle and Goodchild had got to Carlisle。 It looked
congenially and delightfully idle。 Something in the way of public
amusement had happened last month； and something else was going to
happen before Christmas； and； in the meantime there was a lecture on
India for those who liked it … which Idle and Goodchild did not。 Likewise；
by those who liked them； there were impressions to be bought of all the
vapid prints； going and gone； and of nearly all the vapid books。 For
those who wanted to put anything in missionary boxes； here were the
boxes。 For those who wanted the Reverend Mr。 Podgers （artist's proofs；
thirty shillings）； here was Mr。 Podgers to any amount。 Not less gracious
and abundant； Mr。 Codgers also of the vineyard； but opposed to Mr。
Podgers； brotherly tooth and nail。 Here； were guide…books to the
neighbouring antiquities； and eke the Lake country； in several dry and
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
husky sorts； here； many physically and morally impossible heads of both
sexes； for young ladies to copy； in the exercise of the art of drawing； here；
further； a large impression of MR。 SPURGEON； solid as to the flesh； not
to say even something gross。 The working young men of Carlisle were
drawn up； with their hands in their pockets； across the pavements； four and
six abreast； and appeared （much to the satisfaction of Mr。 Idle） to have
nothing else to do。 The working and growing young women of Carlisle；
from the age of twelve upwards； promenaded the streets in the cool of the
evening； and rallied the said young men。 Sometimes the young men
rallied the young women； as in the case of a group gathered round an
accordion…player； from among whom a young man advanced behind a
young woman for whom he appeared to have a tenderness； and hinted to
her that he was there and playful； by giving her （he wore clogs） a kick。
On market morning； Carlisle woke up amazingly； and became （to the
two Idle Apprentices） disagreeably and reproachfully busy。 There were
its cattle market； its sheep market； and its pig market down by the river；
with raw…boned and shock…headed Rob Roys hiding their Lowland dresses
beneath heavy plaids； prowling in and out among the animals； and
flavouring the air with fumes of whiskey。 There was its corn market
down the main street； with hum of chaffering over open sacks。 There
was its general market in the street too； with heather brooms on which the
purple flower still flourished； and heather baskets primitive and fresh to
behold。 With women trying on clogs and caps at open stalls； and 'Bible
stalls' adjoining。 With 'Doctor Mantle's Dispensary for the cure of all
Human Maladies and no charge for advice；' and with Doctor Mantle's
'Laboratory of Medical； Chemical； and Botanical Science' … both healing
institutions established on one pair of trestles； one board； and one sun…
blind。 With the renowned phrenologist from London； begging to be
favoured （at sixpence each） with the company of clients of both sexes； to
whom； on examination of their heads； he would make revelations
'enabling him or her to know themselves。' Through all