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and when he got into the brook he was pelted out with stones； which never
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
hit him； and which always hit some of the children who were upside down
on the public buildings； and made their lamentations louder。 This donkey
was the public excitement of Allonby； and was probably supported at the
public expense。
The foregoing descriptions； delivered in separate items； on separate
days of adventurous discovery； Mr。 Goodchild severally wound up； by
looking out of window； looking in again； and saying； 'But there is the sea；
and here are the shrimps … let us eat 'em。'
There were fine sunsets at Allonby when the low flat beach； with its
pools of water and its dry patches； changed into long bars of silver and
gold in various states of burnishing； and there were fine views … on fine
days … of the Scottish coast。 But； when it rained at Allonby； Allonby
thrown back upon its ragged self； became a kind of place which the
donkey seemed to have found out； and to have his highly sagacious
reasons for wishing to bolt from。 Thomas Idle observed； too； that Mr。
Goodchild； with a noble show of disinterestedness； became every day
more ready to walk to Maryport and back； for letters； and suspicions
began to harbour in the mind of Thomas； that his friend deceived him； and
that Maryport was a preferable place。
Therefore； Thomas said to Francis on a day when they had looked at
the sea and eaten the shrimps； 'My mind misgives me； Goodchild； that you
go to Maryport； like the boy in the story…book； to ask IT to be idle with
you。'
'Judge； then；' returned Francis； adopting the style of the story… book；
'with what success。 I go to a region which is a bit of water…side Bristol；
with a slice of Wapping； a seasoning of Wolverhampton； and a garnish of
Portsmouth； and I say； 〃Will YOU come and be idle with me？〃 And it
answers； 〃No； for I am a great deal too vaporous； and a great deal too rusty；
and a great deal too muddy； and a great deal too dirty altogether； and I
have ships to load； and pitch and tar to boil； and iron to hammer； and
steam to get up； and smoke to make； and stone to quarry； and fifty other
disagreeable things to do； and I can't be idle with you。〃 Then I go into
jagged up…hill and down…hill streets； where I am in the pastrycook's shop
at one moment； and next moment in savage fastnesses of moor and morass；
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
beyond the confines of civilisation； and I say to those murky and black…
dusty streets； 〃Will YOU come and be idle with me？〃 To which they
reply； 〃No； we can't； indeed； for we haven't the spirits； and we are startled
by the echo of your feet on the sharp pavement； and we have so many
goods in our shop… windows which nobody wants； and we have so much to
do for a limited public which never comes to us to be done for； that we are
altogether out of sorts and can't enjoy ourselves with any one。〃 So I go to
the Post…office； and knock at the shutter； and I say to the Post…master；
〃Will YOU come and be idle with me？〃 To which he rejoins； 〃No； I
really can't； for I live； as you may see； in such a very little Post…office； and
pass my life behind such a very little shutter； that my hand； when I put it
out； is as the hand of a giant crammed through the window of a dwarf's
house at a fair； and I am a mere Post…office anchorite in a cell much too
small for him； and I can't get out； and I can't get in； and I have no space to
be idle in； even if I would。〃 So； the boy；' said Mr。 Goodchild； concluding
the tale； 'comes back with the letters after all； and lives happy never
afterwards。'
But it may； not unreasonably； be asked … while Francis Goodchild was
wandering hither and thither； storing his mind with perpetual observation
of men and things； and sincerely believing himself to be the laziest
creature in existence all the time … how did Thomas Idle； crippled and
confined to the house； contrive to get through the hours of the day？
Prone on the sofa； Thomas made no attempt to get through the hours；
but passively allowed the hours to get through HIM。 Where other men in
his situation would have read books and improved their minds； Thomas
slept and rested his body。 Where other men would have pondered
anxiously over their future prospects； Thomas dreamed lazily of his past
life。 The one solitary thing he did； which most other people would have
done in his place； was to resolve on making certain alterations and
improvements in his mode of existence； as soon as the effects of the
misfortune that had overtaken him had all passed away。 Remembering
that the current of his life had hitherto oozed along in one smooth stream
of laziness； occasionally troubled on the surface by a slight passing ripple
of industry； his present ideas on the subject of self…reform； inclined him …
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not as the reader may be disposed to imagine； to project schemes for a new
existence of enterprise and exertion … but； on the contrary； to resolve that
he would never； if he could possibly help it； be active or industrious again；
throughout the whole of his future career。
It is due to Mr。 Idle to relate that his mind sauntered towards this
peculiar conclusion on distinct and logically…producible grounds。 After
reviewing； quite at his ease； and with many needful intervals of repose； the
generally…placid spectacle of his past existence； he arrived at the discovery
that all the great disasters which had tried his patience and equanimity in
early life； had been caused by his having allowed himself to be deluded
into imitating some pernicious example of activity and industry that had
been set him by others。 The trials to which he here alludes were three in
number； and may be thus reckoned up： First； the disaster of being an
unpopular and a thrashed boy at school； secondly； the disaster of falling
seriou