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Saturday。 Mr。 Idle wishes to know at breakfast； what were those
dreadful groanings in his bedroom doorway in the night？ Mr。 Goodchild
answers； Nightmare。 Mr。 Idle repels the calumny； and calls the waiter。
The Angel is very sorry … had intended to explain； but you see； gentlemen；
there was a gentleman dined down… stairs with two more； and he had lost a
deal of money； and he would drink a deal of wine； and in the night he 'took
the horrors；' and got up； and as his friends could do nothing with him he
laid himself down and groaned at Mr。 Idle's door。 'And he DID groan
there；' Mr。 Idle says； 'and you will please to imagine me inside； 〃taking the
horrors〃 too！'
So far； the picture of Doncaster on the occasion of its great sporting
anniversary； offers probably a general representation of the social
condition of the town； in the past as well as in the present time。 The sole
local phenomenon of the current year； which may be considered as
entirely unprecedented in its way； and which certainly claims； on that
account； some slight share of notice； consists in the actual existence of one
remarkable individual； who is sojourning in Doncaster； and who； neither
directly nor indirectly； has anything at all to do； in any capacity whatever；
with the racing amusements of the week。 Ranging throughout the entire
crowd that fills the town； and including the inhabitants as well as the
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
visitors； nobody is to be found altogether disconnected with the business
of the day； excepting this one unparalleled man。 He does not bet on the
races； like the sporting men。 He does not assist the races； like the
jockeys； starters； judges； and grooms。 He does not look on at the races；
like Mr。 Goodchild and his fellow…spectators。 He does not profit by the
races； like the hotel…keepers and the tradespeople。 He does not minister
to the necessities of the races； like the booth…keepers； the postilions； the
waiters； and the hawkers of Lists。 He does not assist the attractions of
the races； like the actors at the theatre； the riders at the circus； or the
posturers at the Poses Plastiques。 Absolutely and literally； he is the only
individual in Doncaster who stands by the brink of the full…flowing race…
stream； and is not swept away by it in common with all the rest of his
species。 Who is this modern hermit； this recluse of the St。 Leger…week；
this inscrutably ungregarious being； who lives apart from the amusements
and activities of his fellow…creatures？ Surely； there is little difficulty in
guessing that clearest and easiest of all riddles。 Who could he be； but Mr。
Thomas Idle？
Thomas had suffered himself to be taken to Doncaster； just as he
would have suffered himself to be taken to any other place in the habitable
globe which would guarantee him the temporary possession of a
comfortable sofa to rest his ankle on。 Once established at the hotel； with
his leg on one cushion and his back against another； he formally declined
taking the slightest interest in any circumstance whatever connected with
the races； or with the people who were assembled to see them。 Francis
Goodchild； anxious that the hours should pass by his crippled travelling…
companion as lightly as possible； suggested that his sofa should be moved
to the window； and that he should amuse himself by looking out at the
moving panorama of humanity； which the view from it of the principal
street presented。 Thomas； however； steadily declined profiting by the
suggestion。
'The farther I am from the window；' he said； 'the better； Brother Francis；
I shall be pleased。 I have nothing in common with the one prevalent idea
of all those people who are passing in the street。 Why should I care to look
at them？'
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THE LAZY TOUR OF TWO IDLE APPRENTICES
'I hope I have nothing in common with the prevalent idea of a great
many of them； either；' answered Goodchild； thinking of the sporting
gentlemen whom he had met in the course of his wanderings about
Doncaster。 'But； surely； among all the people who are walking by the
house； at this very moment； you may find … '
'Not one living creature；' interposed Thomas； 'who is not； in one way
or another； interested in horses； and who is not； in a greater or less degree；
an admirer of them。 Now； I hold opinions in reference to these particular
members of the quadruped creation； which may lay claim （as I believe） to
the disastrous distinction of being unpartaken by any other human being；
civilised or savage； over the whole surface of the earth。 Taking the horse
as an animal in the abstract； Francis； I cordially despise him from every
point of view。'
'Thomas；' said Goodchild； 'confinement to the house has begun to
affect your biliary secretions。 I shall go to the chemist's and get you
some physic。'
'I object；' continued Thomas； quietly possessing himself of his friend's
hat； which stood on a table near him； … 'I object； first； to the personal
appearance of the horse。 I protest against the conventional idea of beauty；
as attached to that animal。 I think his nose too long； his forehead too low；
and his legs （except in the case of the cart…horse） ridiculously thin by
comparison with the size of his body。 Again； considering how big an
animal he is； I object to the contemptible delicacy of his constitution。 Is
he not the sickliest creature in creation？ Does any child catch cold as
easily as a horse？ Does he not sprain his fetlock； for all his appearance
of superior strength； as easily as I sprained my ankle！ Furthermore； to take
him from another point of view； what a helpless wretch he is！ No fine
lady requires more constant waiting…on than a horse。 Other animals can
make their own toilette： he must have a groom。 You will tell me t