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ridiculous and unjust that the laziness of our wives should be maintained
with our sweat and labour。 No man; so far as in me lie; shall have a
clearer; a more quiet and free fruition of his estate than I。 If the
husband bring matter; nature herself will that the wife find the form。
As to the duties of conjugal friendship; that some think to be impaired
by these absences; I am quite of another… opinion。 It is; on the
contrary; an intelligence that easily cools by a too frequent and
assiduous companionship。 Every strange woman appears charming; and we
all find by experience that being continually together is not so pleasing
as to part for a time and meet again。 These interruptions fill me with
fresh affection towards my family; and render my house more pleasant to
me。 Change warms my appetite to the one and then to the other。 I know
that the arms of friendship are long enough to reach from the one end of
the world to the other; and especially this; where there is a continual
communication of offices that rouse the obligation and remembrance。 The
Stoics say that there is so great connection and relation amongst the
sages; that he who dines in France nourishes his companion in Egypt; and
that whoever does but hold out his finger; in what part of the world
soever; all the sages upon the habitable earth feel themselves assisted
by it。 Fruition and possession principally appertain to the imagination;
it more fervently and constantly embraces what it is in quest of; than
what we hold in our arms。 Cast up your daily amusements; you will find
that you are most absent from your friend when he is present with you;
his presence relaxes your attention; and gives you liberty to absent
yourself at every turn and upon every occasion。 When I am away at Rome;
I keep and govern my house; and the conveniences I there left; see my
walls rise; my trees shoot; and my revenue increase or decrease; very
near as well as when I am there:
〃Ante oculos errat domus; errat forma locorum。〃
'〃My house and the forms of places float before my eyes〃
Ovid; Trist; iii。 4; 57。'
If we enjoy nothing but what we touch; we may say farewell to the money
in our chests; and to our sons when they are gone a hunting。 We will
have them nearer to us: is the garden; or half a day's journey from home;
far? What is ten leagues: far or near? If near; what is eleven; twelve;
or thirteen; and so by degrees。 In earnest; if there be a woman who can
tell her husband what step ends the near and what step begins the remote;
I would advise her to stop between;
〃Excludat jurgia finis 。 。 。 。
Utor permisso; caudaeque pilos ut equinae
Paulatim vello; et demo unum; demo etiam unum
Dum cadat elusus ratione ruentis acervi:〃
'〃Let the end shut out all disputes 。 。 。 。 I use what is
permitted; I pluck out the hairs of the horse's tail one by one;
while I thus outwit my opponent。〃Horace; Ep。; ii; I; 38; 45'
and let them boldly call philosophy to their assistance; in whose teeth
it may be cast that; seeing it neither discerns the one nor the other end
of the joint; betwixt the too much and the little; the long and the
short; the light and the heavy; the near and the remote; that seeing it
discovers neither the beginning nor the end; it must needs judge very
uncertainly of the middle:
〃Rerum natura nullam nobis dedit cognitionem finium。〃
'〃Nature has green to us no knowledge of the end of things。〃
Cicero; Acad。; ii。 29。'
Are they not still wives and friends to the dead who are not at the end
of this but in the other world? We embrace not only the absent; but
those who have been; and those who are not yet。 We do not promise in
marriage to be continually twisted and linked together; like some little
animals that we see; or; like the bewitched folks of Karenty;'Karantia;
a town in the isle of Rugen。 See Saxo…Grammaticus; Hist。 of Denmark;
book xiv。' tied together like dogs; and a wife ought not to be so
greedily enamoured of her husband's foreparts; that she cannot endure to
see him turn his back; if occasion be。 But may not this saying of that
excellent painter of woman's humours be here introduced; to show the
reason of their complaints?
〃Uxor; si cesses; aut to amare cogitat;
Aut tete amari; aut potare; aut animo obsequi;
Et tibi bene esse soli; cum sibi sit male;〃
'〃Your wife; if you loiter; thinks that you love or are beloved; or
that you are drinking or following your inclination; and that it is
well for you when it is ill for her (all the pleasure is yours and
hers all the care)。〃
Terence; Adelph。; act i。; sc。 I; v。 7。'
or may it not be; that of itself opposition and contradiction entertain
and nourish them; and that they sufficiently accommodate themselves;
provided they incommodate you?
In true friendship; wherein I am perfect; I more give myself to my
friend; than I endeavour to attract him to me。 I am not only better
pleased in doing him service than if he conferred a benefit upon me;
but; moreover; had rather he should do himself good than me; and he most
obliges me when he does so; and if absence be either more pleasant or
convenient for him; 'tis also more acceptable to me than his presence;
neither is it properly absence; when we can write to one another: I have
sometimes made good use of our separation from one another: we better
filled and further extended the possession of life in being parted。
He 'La Boetie。' lived; enjoyed; and saw for me; and I for him; as
fully as if he had himself been there; one part of us remained idle; and
we were too much blended in one another when we were together; the
distance of place rendered the conjunction of our wills more rich。 This
insatiable desire of personal presence a little implies weakness in the
fruition of souls。
As to what concerns age; which is alleged against me; 'tis quite
contrary; 'tis for youth to subject itself to common opinions; and to
curb itself to please others; it has wherewithal to please both the
people and itself; we have but too much ado to please ourselves alone。
As natural conveniences fail; let us supply them with those that are
artificial。 'Tis injustice to excuse youth for pursuing its pleasures;
and to forbid old men to seek them。 When young; I concealed my wanton
passions with prudence; now I am old; I chase away melancholy by debauch。
And thus do the platonic laws forbid men to travel till forty or fifty
years old; so that travel might be more useful and instructive in so
mature an age。 I should sooner subscribe to the second article of the
same Laws; which forbids it after threescore。
〃But; at such an age; you will never return from so long a journey。〃
What care I for that? I neither undertake it to return; nor to finish it
my business is only to keep myself in motion; whilst motion pleases me;
I only walk for the walk's sake。 They who run after a benefit or a hare;
run not; they only run who run at base; and to exercise their running。
My design is divisible throughout: it is not gr