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ridiculous and unjust that the laziness of our wives should be maintained
with our sweat and labour。 No man； so far as in me lie； shall have a
clearer； a more quiet and free fruition of his estate than I。 If the
husband bring matter； nature herself will that the wife find the form。
As to the duties of conjugal friendship； that some think to be impaired
by these absences； I am quite of another… opinion。 It is； on the
contrary； an intelligence that easily cools by a too frequent and
assiduous companionship。 Every strange woman appears charming； and we
all find by experience that being continually together is not so pleasing
as to part for a time and meet again。 These interruptions fill me with
fresh affection towards my family； and render my house more pleasant to
me。 Change warms my appetite to the one and then to the other。 I know
that the arms of friendship are long enough to reach from the one end of
the world to the other； and especially this； where there is a continual
communication of offices that rouse the obligation and remembrance。 The
Stoics say that there is so great connection and relation amongst the
sages； that he who dines in France nourishes his companion in Egypt； and
that whoever does but hold out his finger； in what part of the world
soever； all the sages upon the habitable earth feel themselves assisted
by it。 Fruition and possession principally appertain to the imagination；
it more fervently and constantly embraces what it is in quest of； than
what we hold in our arms。 Cast up your daily amusements； you will find
that you are most absent from your friend when he is present with you；
his presence relaxes your attention； and gives you liberty to absent
yourself at every turn and upon every occasion。 When I am away at Rome；
I keep and govern my house； and the conveniences I there left； see my
walls rise； my trees shoot； and my revenue increase or decrease； very
near as well as when I am there：
〃Ante oculos errat domus； errat forma locorum。〃
＇〃My house and the forms of places float before my eyes〃
Ovid； Trist； iii。 4； 57。＇
If we enjoy nothing but what we touch； we may say farewell to the money
in our chests； and to our sons when they are gone a hunting。 We will
have them nearer to us： is the garden； or half a day's journey from home；
far？ What is ten leagues： far or near？ If near； what is eleven； twelve；
or thirteen； and so by degrees。 In earnest； if there be a woman who can
tell her husband what step ends the near and what step begins the remote；
I would advise her to stop between；
〃Excludat jurgia finis 。 。 。 。
Utor permisso； caudaeque pilos ut equinae
Paulatim vello； et demo unum； demo etiam unum
Dum cadat elusus ratione ruentis acervi：〃
＇〃Let the end shut out all disputes 。 。 。 。 I use what is
permitted； I pluck out the hairs of the horse's tail one by one；
while I thus outwit my opponent。〃Horace； Ep。； ii； I； 38； 45＇
and let them boldly call philosophy to their assistance； in whose teeth
it may be cast that； seeing it neither discerns the one nor the other end
of the joint； betwixt the too much and the little； the long and the
short； the light and the heavy； the near and the remote； that seeing it
discovers neither the beginning nor the end； it must needs judge very
uncertainly of the middle：
〃Rerum natura nullam nobis dedit cognitionem finium。〃
＇〃Nature has green to us no knowledge of the end of things。〃
Cicero； Acad。； ii。 29。＇
Are they not still wives and friends to the dead who are not at the end
of this but in the other world？ We embrace not only the absent； but
those who have been； and those who are not yet。 We do not promise in
marriage to be continually twisted and linked together； like some little
animals that we see； or； like the bewitched folks of Karenty；＇Karantia；
a town in the isle of Rugen。 See Saxo…Grammaticus； Hist。 of Denmark；
book xiv。＇ tied together like dogs； and a wife ought not to be so
greedily enamoured of her husband's foreparts； that she cannot endure to
see him turn his back； if occasion be。 But may not this saying of that
excellent painter of woman's humours be here introduced； to show the
reason of their complaints？
〃Uxor； si cesses； aut to amare cogitat；
Aut tete amari； aut potare； aut animo obsequi；
Et tibi bene esse soli； cum sibi sit male；〃
＇〃Your wife； if you loiter； thinks that you love or are beloved； or
that you are drinking or following your inclination； and that it is
well for you when it is ill for her （all the pleasure is yours and
hers all the care）。〃
Terence； Adelph。； act i。； sc。 I； v。 7。＇
or may it not be； that of itself opposition and contradiction entertain
and nourish them； and that they sufficiently accommodate themselves；
provided they incommodate you？
In true friendship； wherein I am perfect； I more give myself to my
friend； than I endeavour to attract him to me。 I am not only better
pleased in doing him service than if he conferred a benefit upon me；
but； moreover； had rather he should do himself good than me； and he most
obliges me when he does so； and if absence be either more pleasant or
convenient for him； 'tis also more acceptable to me than his presence；
neither is it properly absence； when we can write to one another： I have
sometimes made good use of our separation from one another： we better
filled and further extended the possession of life in being parted。
He ＇La Boetie。＇ lived； enjoyed； and saw for me； and I for him； as
fully as if he had himself been there； one part of us remained idle； and
we were too much blended in one another when we were together； the
distance of place rendered the conjunction of our wills more rich。 This
insatiable desire of personal presence a little implies weakness in the
fruition of souls。
As to what concerns age； which is alleged against me； 'tis quite
contrary； 'tis for youth to subject itself to common opinions； and to
curb itself to please others； it has wherewithal to please both the
people and itself； we have but too much ado to please ourselves alone。
As natural conveniences fail； let us supply them with those that are
artificial。 'Tis injustice to excuse youth for pursuing its pleasures；
and to forbid old men to seek them。 When young； I concealed my wanton
passions with prudence； now I am old； I chase away melancholy by debauch。
And thus do the platonic laws forbid men to travel till forty or fifty
years old； so that travel might be more useful and instructive in so
mature an age。 I should sooner subscribe to the second article of the
same Laws； which forbids it after threescore。
〃But； at such an age； you will never return from so long a journey。〃
What care I for that？ I neither undertake it to return； nor to finish it
my business is only to keep myself in motion； whilst motion pleases me；
I only walk for the walk's sake。 They who run after a benefit or a hare；
run not； they only run who run at base； and to exercise their running。
My design is divisible throughout： it is not gr