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Kansas； but we soon found out that it was Major Bing。
〃Major Bing was the ointment around the fly。 He had the cochineal； sarsaparilla； log…wood； annatto； hemp； and all other dye…woods and pure food adulteration concessions cornered。 He had five…sixths of the Boca de Thingama jiggers working for him on shares。 It was a beautiful graft。 We used to brag about Morgan and E。 H。 and others of our wisest when I was in the provincesbut now no more。 That peninsula has got our little country turned into a submarine without even the observation tower showing。
〃Major Bing's idea was this。 He had the population go forth into the forest and gather these products。 When they brought 'em in he gave 'em one…fifth for their trouble。 Sometimes they'd strike and demand a sixth。 The Major always gave in to 'em。
〃The Major had a bungalow so close on the sea that the nine…inch tide seeped through the cracks in the kitchen floor。 Me and him and High Jack Snakefeeder sat on the porch and drank rum from noon till midnight。 He said he had piled up 300；000 in New Orleans banks； and High and me could stay with him forever if we would。 But High Jack happened to think of the United States； and began to talk ethnology。
〃'Ruins！' says Major Bing。 'The woods are full of 'em。 I don't know how far they date back； but they was here before I came。'
〃High Jack asks what form of worship the citizens of that locality are addicted to。
〃'Why；' says the Major； rubbing his nose； 'I can't hardly say。 I imagine it's infidel or Aztec or Nonconformist or something like that。 There's a church herea Methodist or some other kindwith a parson named Skidder。 He claims to have converted the people to Christianity。 He and me don't assimilate except on state occasions。 I imagine they worship some kind of gods or idols yet。 But Skidder says he has 'em in the fold。'
〃A few days later High Jack and me； prowling around； strikes a plain path into the forest； and follows it a good four miles。 Then a branch turns to the left。 We go a mile； maybe； down that； and run up against the finest ruin you ever sawsolid stone with trees and vines and under…brush all growing up against it and in it and through it。 All over it was chiselled carvings of funny beasts and people that would have been arrested if they'd ever come out in vaudeville that way。 We approached it from the rear。
〃High Jack had been drinking too much rum ever since we landed in Boca。 You know how an Indian isthe palefaces fixed his clock when they introduced him to firewater。 He'd brought a quart along with him。
〃'Hunky；' says he； 'we'll explore the ancient temple。 It may be that the storin that landed us here was propitious。 The Minority Report Bureau of Ethnology；' says he； 'may yet profit by the vagaries of wind and tide。'
〃We went in the rear door of the bum edifice。 We struck a kind of alcove without bath。 There was a granite davenport； and a stone wash… stand without any soap or exit for the water； and some hardwood pegs drove into holes in the wall； and that was all。 To go out of that furnished apartment into a Harlem hall bedroom would make you feel like getting back home from an amateur violoncello solo at an East Side Settlement house。
〃While High was examining some hieroglyphics on the wall that the stone…masons must have made when their tools slipped； I stepped into the front room。 That was at least thirty by fifty feet； stone floor； six little windows like square port…holes that didn't let much light in。
〃I looked back over my shoulder； and sees High Jack's face three feet away。
〃'High；' says I； 'of all the'
〃And then I noticed he looked funny； and I turned around。
〃He'd taken off his clothes to the waist； and he didn't seem to hear me。 I touched him； and came near beating it。 High Jack had turned to stone。 I had been drinking some rum myself。
〃'Ossified！' I says to him； loudly。 'I knew what would happen if you kept it up。'
〃And then High Jack comes in from the alcove when he hears me conversing with nobody； and we have a look at Mr。 Snakefeeder No。 2。 It's a stone idol； or god； or revised statute or something； and it looks as much like High Jack as one green pea looks like itself。 It's got exactly his face and size and color； but it's steadier on its pins。 It stands on a kind of rostrum or pedestal； and you can see it's been there ten million years。
〃'He's a cousin of mine；' sings High； and then he turns solemn。
〃'Hunky；' he says； putting one hand on my shoulder and one on the statue's； 'I'm in the holy temple of my ancestors。'
〃'Well； if looks goes for anything；' says I； 'you've struck a twin。 Stand side by side with buddy； and let's see if there's any diff'erence。'
〃There wasn't。 You know an Indian can keep his face as still as an iron dog's when he wants to； so when High Jack froze his features you couldn't have told him from the other one。
〃'There's some letters；' says I； 'on his nob's pedestal； but I can't make 'em out。 The alphabet of this country seems to be composed of sometimes a； e； I； o； and u； but generally z's； l's； and t's。'
〃High Jack's ethnology gets the upper hand of his rum for a minute； and he investigates the inscription。
〃'Hunky；' says he； 'this is a statue of Tlotopaxl； one of the most powerful gods of the ancient Aztecs。'
〃'Glad to know him；' says I； 'but in his present condition he reminds me of the joke Shakespeare got off on Julius Caesar。 We might say about your friend：
〃'Imperious what's…his…name； dead and tunied to stone No use to write or call him on the 'phone。'
〃'Hunky；' says High Jack Snakefeeder； looking at me funny； 'do you believe in reincarnation？'
〃'It sounds to me；' says I； 'like either a clean…up of the slaughter… houses or a new kind of Boston pink。 I don't know。'
〃'I believe；' says he； 'that I am the reincarnation of Tlotopaxl。 My researches have convinced me that the Cherokees； of all the North American tribes； can boast of the straightest descent from the proud Aztec race。 That；' says he； 'was a favorite theory of mine and Florence Blue Feather's。 And shewhat' if she！'
〃High Jack grabs my arm and walls his eyes at me。 Just then he looked more like his eminent co…Indian murderer； Crazy Horse。
〃'Well；' says I； 'what if she； what if she； what if she？ You're drunk；' says I。 'Impersonating idols and believing inwhat was it ？… …recarnalization？ Let's have a drink；' says I。 'It's as spooky here as a Brooklyn artificial…limb factory at midnight with the gas turned down。'
〃Just then I heard somebody coming； and I dragged High Jack into the bedless bedchamber。 There was peep…holes bored through the wall； so we could see the whole front part of the temple。
Major Bing told me afterward that the ancient priests in charge used to rubber through them at the congregation。
〃In a few minutes an old Indian woman came in with a' big oval earthen dish full of grub。 She set it on a square block of stone in front of the graven image； and laid down and walloped her face on the floor a few times； and then took a walk for herself。
〃High Jack and me was hungry；