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s worse than a； horse…thief。 If I was the cap； I'd put you in the guard…house for thirty days on round steak and tamales。 War；' says Willie； 'is great and glorious。 I didn't know you were a coward。'
〃'I'm not；' says I。 'If I was； I'd knock some of the pallidness off of your marble brow。 I'm lenient with you；' I says； 'just as I am with the Spaniards； because you have always reminded me of something with mushrooms on the side。 Why； you little Lady of Shalott；' says I； 'you underdone leader of cotillions； you glassy fashion and moulded form； you white…pine soldier made in the Cisalpine Alps in Germany for the late New…Year trade； do you know of whom you are talking to？ We've been in the same social circle；' says I； 'and I've put up with you because you seemed so meek and self…un…satisfying。 I don't understand why you have so sudden taken a personal interest in chivalrousness and murder。 Your nature's undergone a complete revelation。 Now； how is it？'
〃'Well； you wouldn't understand； Ben；' says Willie； giving one of his refined smiles and turning away。
〃'Come back here！' says I； catching him by the tail of his khaki coat。 'You've made me kind of mad； in spite of the aloofness in which I have heretofore held you。 You are out for making a success in this hero business； and I believe I know what for。 You are doing it either because you are crazy or because you expect to catch some girl by it。 Now； if it's a girl； I've got something here to show you。'
〃I wouldn't have done it； but I was plumb mad。 I pulled a San Augustine paper out of my hip…pocket； and showed him an item。 It was a half a column about the marriage of Myra Allison and Joe Granberry。
〃Willie laughed； and I saw I hadn't touched him。
〃'Oh；' says he； 'everybody knew that was going to happen。 I heard about that a week ago。' And then he gave me the laugh again。
〃'All right；' says I。 'Then why do you so recklessly chase the bright rainbow of fame？ Do you expect to be elected President； or do you belong to a suicide club ？'
〃And then Captain Sam interferes。
〃'You gentlemen quit jawing and go back to your quarters；' says he； 'or I'll have you escorted to the guard…house。 Now； scat； both of you！ Before you go； which one of you has got any chewing…tobacco？'
〃'We're off； Sam；' says I。 'It's supper…time； anyhow。 But what do you think of what we was talking about？ I've noticed you throwing out a good many grappling…hooks for this here balloon called fame What's ambition； anyhow？ What does a man risk his life day after day for？ Do you know of anything he gets in the end that can pay him for the trouble？ I want to go back home；' says I。 'I don't care whether Cuba sinks or swims； and I don't give a pipeful of rabbit tobacco whether Queen Sophia Christina or Charlie Culberson rules these fairy isles； and I don't want my name on any list except the list of survivors。 But I've noticed you； Sam；' says I； 'seeking the bubble notoriety in the cannon's larynx a number of times。 Now； what do you do it for？ Is it ambition； business； or some freckle…faced Pheebe at home that you are heroing for ？'
〃'Well； Ben；' says Sam； kind of hefting his sword out from between his knees； 'as your superior officer I could court…martial you for attempted cowardice and desertion。 But I won't。 And I'll tell you why I'm trying for promotion and the usual honors of war and conquest。 A major gets more pay than a captain； and I need the money。'
〃'Correct for you！' says I。 'I can understand that。 Your system of fame…seeking is rooted in the deepest soil of patriotism。 But I can't comprehend；' says I； 'why Willie Robbins； whose folks at home are well off； and who used to be as meek and undesirous of notice as a cat with cream on his whiskers； should all at once develop into a warrior bold with the most fire…eating kind of proclivities。 And the girl in his case seems to have been eliminated by marriage to another fellow。 I reckon；' says I； 'it's a plain case of just common ambition。 He wants his name； maybe； to go thundering down the coroners of time。 It must be that。'
〃Well； without itemizing his deeds； Willie sure made good as a hero。 He simply spent most of his time on his knees begging our captain to send him on forlorn hopes and dangerous scouting expeditions。 In every fight he was the first man to mix it at close quarters with the Don Alfonsos。 He got three or four bullets planted in various parts of his autonomy。 Once he went off with a detail of eight men and captured a whole company of Spanish。 He kept Captain Floyd busy writing out recommendations of his bravery to send in to head… quarters； and he began to accumulate medals for all kinds of things… heroism and target…shooting and valor and tactics and uninsubordination； and all the little accomplishments that look good to the third assistant secretaries of the War Department。
〃Finally； Cap Floyd got promoted to be a major…general； or a knight commander of the main herd； or something like that。 He pounded around on a white horse； all desecrated up with gold…leaf and hen…feathers and a Good Templar's hat； and wasn't allowed by the regulations to speak to us。 And Willie Robbins was made captain of our company。
〃And maybe he didn't go after the wreath of fame then！ As far as I could see it was him that ended the war。 He got eighteen of us boys friends of his； tookilled in battles that he stirred up himself； and that didn't seem to me necessary at all。 One night he took twelve of us and waded through a little nil about a hundred and ninety yards wide； and climbed a couple of mountains； and sneaked through a mile of neglected shrubbery and a couple of rock…quarries and into a rye…straw village； and captured a Spanish general named； as they said； Benny Veedus。 Benny seemed to me hardly worth the trouble； being a blackish man without shoes or cuffs； and anxious to surrender and throw himself on the commissary of his foe。
〃But that job gave Willie the big boost he wanted。 The San Augustine News and the Galveston； St。 Louis； New York； and Kansas City papers printed his picture and columns of stuff about him。 Old San Augustine simply went crazy over its 'gallant son。' The News had an editorial tearfully begging the Government to call off the regular army and the national guard； and let Willie carry on the rest of the war single… handed。 It said that a refusal to do so would be regarded as a proof that the Northern jealousy of the South was still as rampant as ever。
〃If the war hadn't ended pretty soon； I don't know to what heights of gold braid and encomiums Willie would have climbed； but it did。 There was a secession of hostilities just three days after he was appointed a colonel； and got in three more medals by registered mail； and shot two Spaniards while they were drinking lemonade in an ambuscade。
〃Our company went back to San Augustine when the war was over。 There wasn't anywhere else for it to go。 And what do you think？ The old town notified us in print； by wire cable； special delivery； and a nigger named Saul sent on a gray mule to San Antone； that they was going to