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the sleeping-car - a farce-第6章

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THE PORTER。  You can sit here; sah。  We'll be in in about an hour

now。  Hang up your bag for you; sah?



THE PASSENGER。  No; leave it on the seat here。



'THE PORTER goes out; and the ROBERTSES maintain a dejected silence。

The bottom of the bag; thrown carelessly on the seat; is toward the

ROBERTSES; who regard it listlessly。'



MRS。 ROBERTS (suddenly clutching her husband's arm; and hissing in

his ear)。  See!  'She points to the white lettering on the bag; where

the name 〃Willis Campbell; San Francisco;〃 is distinctly legible。'

But it can't be; it must be some other Campbell。  I can't risk it。



MR。 ROBERTS。  But there's the name。  It would be very strange if

there were two people from San Francisco of exactly the same name。

_I_ will speak。



MRS。 ROBERTS (as wildly as one can in whisper)。  No; no; I can't let

you。  We've made ourselves the laughing…stock of the whole car

already with our mistakes; and I can't go on。  I would rather perish

than ask him。  You don't suppose it COULD be?  No; it couldn't。

There may be twenty Willis Campbells in San Francisco; and there

probably are。  Do you think he looks like me!  He has a straight

nose; but you can't tell anything about the lower part of his face;

the beard covers it so; and I can't make out the color of his eyes by

this light。  But of course it's all nonsense。  Still if it SHOULD be!

It would be very stupid of us to ride all the way from Framingham to

Boston with that name staring one in the eyes。  I wish he would turn

it away。  If it really turned out to BE Willis; he would think we

were awfully stiff and cold。  But I can't help it; I CAN'T go

attacking every stranger I see; and accusing him of being my brother。

No; no; I can't; and I WON'T; and that's all about it。  'She leans

forward and addresses the stranger with sudden sweetness。'  Excuse

me; sir; but I AM very much interested by the name on your bag。  Not

that I think you are even acquainted with him; and there are probably

a great many of them there; but your coming from the same city and

all DOES seem a little queer; and I hope you won't think me intrusive

in speaking to you; because if you SHOULD happen; by the thousandth

of a chance; to be the right one; I should be SO happy!



CAMPBELL。  The right what; madam?



MRS。 ROBERTS。  The right Willis Campbell。



CAMPBELL。  I hope I'm not the wrong one; though after a week's pull

on the railroad it's pretty hard for a man to tell which Willis

Campbell he is。  May I ask if your Willis Campbell had friends in

Boston?



MRS。 ROBERTS (eagerly)。  He had a sister and a brother…in…law and a

nephew。



CAMPBELL。  Name of Roberts?



MRS。 ROBERTS。  Every one。



CAMPBELL。  Then you're …



MRS。 ROBERTS (ecstatically)。  Agnes!



CAMPBELL。  And he's …



MRS。 ROBERTS。  Mr。 Roberts!



CAMPBELL。  And the baby's …



MRS。 ROBERTS。  Asleep!



CAMPBELL。  Then _I_ am the right one。



MRS。 ROBERTS。  Oh; Willis!  Willis!  Willis!  To think of our meeting

in this way!  'She kisses and embraces him; while MR。 ROBERTS shakes

one of his hands which he finds disengaged。'  HOW in the world did it

happen?



CAMPBELL。  Ah; I found myself a little ahead of time; and I stopped

off with an old friend of mine at Framingham; I didn't want to

disappoint you when you came to meet this train; or get you up last

night at midnight。



MRS。 ROBERTS。  And I was in Albany; and I've been moving heaven and

earth to get home before you arrived; and Edward came aboard at

Worcester to surprise me; andOh; you've never seen the baby!  I'll

run right and get him this instant; just as he is; and bring him。

Edward; you be explaining to WillisOh; my goodness!  'Looking

wildly about。'  I don't remember the berth; and I shall be sure to

wake up that poor California gentleman again。  WHAT shall I do?



CAMPBELL。  What California gentleman?



MRS。 ROBERTS。  Oh; somebody we've been stirring up the whole blessed

night。  First I took him for baby; and then Edward took him for me;

and then I took him for baby again; and then we both took him for

you。



CAMPBELL。  Did he look like any of us?



MRS。 ROBERTS。  Like US?  He's eight feet tall; if he's an inch; in

his stockingsand he's always in themand he has a long black beard

and mustaches; and he's very lanky; and stoops over a good deal; but

he's just as lovely as he can be and live; and he's been as kind and

patient as twenty Jobs。



CAMPBELL。  Speaks in a sort of soft; slow grind?



MRS。 ROBERTS。  Yes。



CAMPBELL。  Gentle and deferential to ladies?



MRS。 ROBERTS。  As pie。



CAMPBELL。  It's Tom Goodall。  I'll have him out of there in half a

second。  I want you to take him home with you; Agnes。  He's the best

fellow in the world。  WHICH is his berth?



MRS。 ROBERTS。  Don't ask me; Willis。  But if you'd go for baby;

you'll be sure to find him。



MR。 ROBERTS (timidly indicating a berth)。  I think that's the one。



CAMPBELL (plunging at it; and pulling the curtains open)。  You old

Tom Goodall!



THE CALIFORNIAN (appearing)。  I ain't any Tom Goodall。  My name's

Abram Sawyer。



CAMPBELL (falling back)。  Well; sir; you're right。  I'm awfully sorry

to disturb you; but; from my sister's description here; I felt

certain you must be my old friend Tom Goodall。



THE CALIFORNIAN。  I ain't surprised at it。  I'm only surprised I

AIN'T Tom Goodall。  I've been a baby twice; and I've been a man's

wife once; and once I've been a long…lost brother。



CAMPBELL (laughing)。  Oh; they've found HIM。  I'M the long…lost

brother。



THE CALIFORNIAN (sleepily)。  Has she found the other one?



CAMPBELL。  Yes; all right; I believe。



THE CALIFORNIAN。  Has HE found what HE wanted?



CAMPBELL。  Yes; we're all together here。  'THE CALIFORNIAN makes a

movement to get into bed again。'  Oh; don't!  You'd better make a

night of it now。  It's almost morning anyway。  We want you to go home

with us; and Mrs。 Roberts will give you a bed at her house; and let

you sleep a week。



THE CALIFORNIAN。  Well; I reckon you're right; stranger。  I seem to

be in the hands of Providence to…night anyhow。  'He pulls on his

boots and coat; and takes his seat beside CAMPBELL。'  I reckon there

ain't any use in fighting against Providence。



MRS。 ROBERTS (briskly; as if she had often tried it and failed)。  Oh;

not the least in the world。  I'm sure it was all intended; and if you

had turned out to be Willis at last; I should be CERTAIN of it。  What

surprises me is that you shouldn't turn out to be anybody; after all。



THE CALIFORNIAN。  Yes; it is kind of curious。  But I couldn't help

it。  I did my best。



MRS。 ROBERTS。  Oh; don't speak of it。  WE are the ones who ought to

apologize。  But if you only had been somebody; it would have been

such a good joke!  We could always have had such a laugh over it;

don't you see?



THE CALIFORNIAN。  Yes; ma'am; it would have been funny。  But I hope

you've 
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