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slightest prod of rejoicing at my success。 I knew nothing save that
I was making my body die。 All that was I was devoted to that sole
task。 I performed the work as thoroughly as any mason laying
bricks； and I regarded the work as just about as commonplace as
would a brick…mason regard his work。
At the end of an hour my body was dead to the hips； and from the
hips up； joint by joint； I continued to will the ascending death。
It was when I reached the level of my heart that the first blurring
and dizzying of my consciousness' occurred。 For fear that I should
lose consciousness； I willed to hold the death I had gained； and
shifted my concentration to my fingers。 My brain cleared again； and
the death of my arms to the shoulders was most rapidly accomplished。
At this stage my body was all dead； so far as I was concerned； save
my head and a little patch of my chest。 No longer did the pound and
smash of my compressed heart echo in my brain。 My heart was beating
steadily but feebly。 The joy of it； had I dared joy at such a
moment； would have been the cessation of sensations。
At this point my experience differs from Morrell's。 Still willing
automatically； I began to grow dreamy； as one does in that
borderland between sleeping and waking。 Also； it seemed as if a
prodigious enlargement of my brain was taking place within the skull
itself that did not enlarge。 There were occasional glintings and
flashings of light as if even I； the overlord； had ceased for a
moment and the next moment was again myself； still the tenant of the
fleshly tenement that I was making to die。
Most perplexing was the seeming enlargement of brain。 Without
having passed through the wall of skull； nevertheless it seemed to
me that the periphery of my brain was already outside my skull and
still expanding。 Along with this was one of the most remarkable
sensations or experiences that I have ever encountered。 Time and
space； in so far as they were the stuff of my consciousness；
underwent an enormous extension。 Thus； without opening my eyes to
verify； I knew that the walls of my narrow cell had receded until it
was like a vast audience…chamber。 And while I contemplated the
matter； I knew that they continued to recede。 The whim struck me
for a moment that if a similar expansion were taking place with the
whole prison； then the outer walls of San Quentin must be far out in
the Pacific Ocean on one side and on the other side must be
encroaching on the Nevada desert。 A companion whim was that since
matter could permeate matter； then the walls of my cell might well
permeate the prison walls； pass through the prison walls； and thus
put my cell outside the prison and put me at liberty。 Of course；
this was pure fantastic whim； and I knew it at the time for what it
was。
The extension of time was equally remarkable。 Only at long
intervals did my heart beat。 Again a whim came to me； and I counted
the seconds； slow and sure； between my heart…beats。 At first； as I
clearly noted； over a hundred seconds intervened between beats。 But
as I continued to count the intervals extended so that I was made
weary of counting。
And while this illusion of the extension of time and space persisted
and grew； I found myself dreamily considering a new and profound
problem。 Morrell had told me that he had won freedom from his body
by killing his bodyor by eliminating his body from his
consciousness； which； of course； was in effect the same thing。 Now；
my body was so near to being entirely dead that I knew in all
absoluteness that by a quick concentration of will on the yet…alive
patch of my torso it； too； would cease to be。 Butand here was the
problem； and Morrell had not warned me： should I also will my head
to be dead？ If I did so； no matter what befell the spirit of
Darrell Standing； would not the body of Darrell Standing be for ever
dead？
I chanced the chest and the slow…beating heart。 The quick
compulsion of my will was rewarded。 I no longer had chest nor
heart。 I was only a mind； a soul； a consciousnesscall it what you
willincorporate in a nebulous brain that； while it still centred
inside my skull； was expanded； and was continuing to expand； beyond
my skull。
And then； with flashings of light； I was off and away。 At a bound I
had vaulted prison roof and California sky； and was among the
stars。 I say 〃stars〃 advisedly。 I walked among the stars。 I was a
child。 I was clad in frail； fleece…like； delicate…coloured robes
that shimmered in the cool starlight。 These robes； of course； were
based upon my boyhood observance of circus actors and my boyhood
conception of the garb of young angels。
Nevertheless； thus clad； I trod interstellar space； exalted by the
knowledge that I was bound on vast adventure； where； at the end； I
would find all the cosmic formulae and have made clear to me the
ultimate secret of the universe。 In my hand I carried a long glass
wand。 It was borne in upon me that with the tip of this wand I must
touch each star in passing。 And I knew； in all absoluteness； that
did I but miss one star I should be precipitated into some
unplummeted abyss of unthinkable and eternal punishment and guilt。
Long I pursued my starry quest。 When I say 〃long；〃 you must bear in
mind the enormous extension of time that had occurred in my brain。
For centuries I trod space； with the tip of my wand and with
unerring eye and hand tapping each star I passed。 Ever the way grew
brighter。 Ever the ineffable goal of infinite wisdom grew nearer。
And yet I made no mistake。 This was no other self of mine。 This
was no experience that had once been mine。 I was aware all the time
that it was I； Darrell Standing； who walked among the stars and
tapped them with a wand of glass。 In short； I knew that here was
nothing real； nothing that had ever been nor could ever be。 I knew
that it was nothing else than a ridiculous orgy of the imagination；
such as men enjoy in drug dreams； in delirium； or in mere ordinary
slumber。
And then； as all went merry and well with me on my celestial quest；
the tip of my wand missed a star； and on the instant I knew I had
been guilty of a great crime。 And on the instant a knock； vast and
compulsive； inexorable and mandatory as the stamp of the iron hoof
of doom； smote me and reverberated across the universe。 The whole
sidereal system coruscated； reeled and fell in flame。
I was torn by an exquisite and disruptive agony。 And on the instant
I was Darrell Standing； the life…convict； lying in his strait…jacket
in solitary。 And I knew the immediate cause of that summons。 It
was a rap of the knuckle by Ed Morrell； in Cell Five； beginning the
spelling of some message。
And now； to give some comprehension of the extension of time and
space that I was experiencing。 Many days afterwards I asked Morrell
what he had tried to convey to me。 It was a simple message； namely：
〃Standing； are