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Dear Don Pickwixote； all danger is past。 The enemy has been repulsed；
and we are alone in safety。 Ha； ha； ha！〃
Her voice recalled。 Mr。 Lavender from his strange hallucination。
〃What？〃 he said weakly。
〃Why？ Who？ Where？ When？〃
〃You have been dreaming again。 Let me take you home； and tuck you into
bed。〃 And taking from him the knife and napkin； she opened the French…
window； and passed out on to the lawn。
Lavender； who now that his reason had come back； would have followed her
to the death； passed out also； accompanied by Blink； and watched by the
Major； who had put his head in again at the door。 Unfortunately； the
spirit moved Mr。 Lavender to turn round at this moment； and seeing the
head he cried out in a loud voice：
〃He is there！ He is there！ Arch enemy of mankind！ Let me go and die
under his jackboot； for never over my living body shall he rule this
land。 And the infatuated gentleman would certainly have rushed at his
host had not Aurora stayed him by the slack of his nether garments。 The
Major withdrawing his head； Mr。 Lavender's excitement again passed from
him； and he suffered himself to be led dazedly away and committed to the
charge of Mrs。 Petty and Joe； who did not leave him till he was in bed
with a strong bromide to keep him company。
XVI
FIGHTS THE FIGHT OF FAITH
The strenuous experiences through which Mr。 Lavender had passed resulted
in what Joe Petty called 〃a fair knock…out；〃 and he was forced to spend
three days in the seclusion of his bed； deprived of his newspapers。 He
instructed Mrs。 Petty； however； on no account to destroy or mislay any
journal； but to keep them in a pile in his study。 This she did； for
though her first impulse was to light the kitchen fire with the five of
them every morning； deliberate reflection convinced her that twenty
journals read at one sitting would produce on him a more soporific effect
than if he came down to a mere five。
Mr。 Lavender passed his three days； therefore； in perfect repose； feeding
Blink； staring at the ceiling； and conversing with Joe。 An uneasy sense
that he had been lacking in restraint caused his mind to dwell on life as
seen by the monthly rather than the daily papers； and to hold with his
chauffeur discussions of a somewhat philosophical character。
〃As regards the government of this country； Joe；〃 he said； on the last
evening of his retirement； 〃who do you consider really rules？ For it is
largely on this that our future must depend。〃
〃Can't say； sir；〃 answered Joe； 〃unless it's Botty。〃
〃I do not know whom or what you signify by that word；〃 replied Mr。
Lavender； 〃I am wondering if it is the People who rule。〃
〃The People！〃 replied Joe；〃 the People's like a gent in a lunatic asylum；
allowed to 'ave instinks but not to express 'em。 One day it'll get aht；
and we shall all step lively。〃
〃It is； perhaps； Public Opinion；〃 continued Mr。 Lavender to himself； 〃as
expressed in the Press。〃
〃Not it；〃 said Joe the nearest opinion the Press gets to expressin' is
that of Mayors。 'Ave you never noticed； sir； that when the Press is 'ard
up for support of an opinion that the public don't 'old； they go to the
Mayors； and get 'em in two columns？〃
〃Mayors are most valuable public men；〃 said Mr。 Lavender。
〃I've nothin' against 'em；〃 replied Joe； 〃very average lot in their walk
of life； but they ain't the People。〃
Mr。 Lavender sighed。 〃What； then； is the People； Joe？〃
〃I am；〃 replied Joe； 〃I've got no opinions on anything except that I want
to live a quiet lifejust enough beer and 'baccy； short hours； and no
worry。〃
〃'If you compare that with the aspirations of Mayors you will see how
sordid such a standard is；〃 said Mr。 Lavender； gravely。
〃Sordid it may be； sir；〃 replied Joe； 〃but there's； a thing abaht it you
'aven't noticed。 I don't want to sacrifice nobody to satisfy my
aspirations。 Why？ Because I've got none。 That's priceless。 Take the
Press； take Parlyment； take Mayorsall mad on aspirations。 Now it's
Free Trade； now it's Imperialism； now it's Liberty in Europe； now it's
Slavery in Ireland； now it's sacrifice of the last man an' the last
dollar。 You never can tell what aspiration'll get 'em next。 And the
'ole point of an aspiration is the sacrifice of someone else。 Don't you
make a mistake； sir。 I defy you to make a public speech which 'asn't got
that at the bottom of it。〃
〃We are wandering from the point； Joe；〃 returned Mr。 Lavender。 〃Who is
it that governs； the country？〃
〃A Unseen Power；〃 replied Joe promptly。
〃How？〃
〃Well； sir； we're a democratic country； ain't we？ Parlyment's elected by
the People； and Gover'ment's elected by Parlyment。 All right so far； but
what 'appens？ Gover'ment says 'I'm going to do this。' So long as it
meets with the approval of the Unseen Power； well an' good。 But what if
it don't？ The U。P。 gets busy； in an 'undred papers there begins to
appear what the U。P。 calls Public Opinion； that's to say the opinion of
the people that agree with the U。P。 There you 'ave it； sir； only them
and it appears strong。 Attacks on the Gover'ment policy； nasty things
said abaht members of it that's indiscreet enough to speak aht what； they
thinkGerman fathers； and other secret vices； an' what's more than all；
not a peep at any opinion that supports the Gover'ment。 Well； that goes
on day after day； playin' on the mind of Parlyment； if they've got any；
and gittin' on the Gover'ment's nerves； which they've got weak； till they
says： 'Look 'ere； it's no go； Public Opinion won't stand it。 We shall be
outed； and that'll never do； because there's no other set of fellows that
can save this country。' Then they 'ave a meetin' and change their
policy。 And what they've never seen is that they've never seen Public
Opinion at all。 All they've seen is what the U。P。 let 'em。 Now if I
was the Gover'ment； I'd 'ave it out once for all with the U。 P。〃
〃Ah！〃 cried Mr。 Lavender； whose eyes were starting from his； head； so
profoundly was he agitated by what was to him a new thought。
〃Yes；〃 continued Joe； 〃if I was the Gover'ment； next time it 'appened；
I'd say： 'All right； old cock； do your damnedest。 I ain't responsible to
you。 Attack； suppress； and all the rest of it。 We're goin' to do what
we say； all the same！' And then I'd do it。 And what'd come of it？
Either the U。P。 would go beyond the limits of the Lawand then I'd jump
on it； suppress its papers； and clap it into quodor it'd take it lyin'
down。 Whichever 'appened it'd be all up with the U。 P。 I'd a broke its
chain off my neck for good。 But I ain't the Gover'ment； an Gover'ment's
got tender feet。 I ask you； sir； wot's the good of havin' a
Constitooshion； and a the bother of electing these fellows； if they can't
act according to their judgment for the short term of their natural
lives？ The U。P。 may be patriotic and estimable； and 'ave the best
inte