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sunshade into the pond； which he had forgotten was behind him。
〃Oh； dear！〃 said the old lady； 〃now you've got your feet wet！〃
〃It is nothing；〃 responded Mr。 Lavender gallantly。 And seeing that he
was already wet； he rolled up his trousers； and holding up the tails of
his holland coat； turned round and proceeded towards his hat； to the
frantic delight of the crowd。
〃The war is a lesson to us to make little of little things； 〃 he thought；
securing the hat and wringing it out。 〃My feet are wet； buthow much
wetter they would be in the trenches； if feet can be wetter than wet
through；〃 he mused with some exactitude。 〃Down； Blink； down！〃 For Blink
was plastering him with the water…marks of joy and anxiety。 〃Nothing is
quite so beautiful as the devotion of one's own dog；〃 thought Mr。
Lavender； resuming the hat； and returning towards the shore。 The by…now…
considerable throng were watching him with every mark of acute enjoyment；
and the moment appeared to Mr。 Lavender auspicious for addressing them。
Without； therefore； emerging from the pond； which he took for his；
platform； he spoke as follows：
〃Circumstances over which I have no control have given me the advantage
of your presence in numbers which do credit to the heart of the nation to
which we all belong。 In the midst of the greatest war which ever
threatened the principle of Liberty； I rejoice to see so many people able
to follow the free and spontaneous impulses of their inmost beings。 For；
while we must remember that our every hour is at the disposal of our
country； we must not forget the maxim of our fathers： 'Britons never will
be slaves。' Only by preserving the freedom of individual conscience； and
at the same time surrendering it whole…heartedly to every which the State
makes on us； can we hope defeat the machinations of the arch enemies of
mankind。〃
At this moment a little stone hit him sharply on the hand。
〃Who threw that stone？〃 said Mr。 Lavender。 Let him stand out。〃
The culprit； no other indeed than he who had thrown the hat in； and not
fetched it out for a shilling； thus menaced with discovery made use of a
masterly device； and called out loudly：
〃Pro…German！〃
Such was the instinctive patriotism of the crowd that the cry was taken
up in several quarters； and for the moment Mr。 Lavender remained
speechless from astonishment。 The cries of 〃Pro…German！〃 increased in
volume； and a stone hitting her on the nose caused Blink to utter a yelp；
Mr。 Lavender's eyes blazed。
〃Huns！〃 he cried； 〃Huns！ I am coming out。〃
With this prodigious threat he emerged from the pond at the very moment
that a car scattered the throng； and a well…known voice said：
〃Well； sir； you 'ave been goin' it！〃
〃Joe；〃 said Mr。 Lavender； 〃don't speak to me！〃
〃Get in。〃
〃Never！〃
〃Pro…Germans！〃 yelled the crowd。
〃Get in！〃 repeated Joe。
And seizing Mr。 Lavender as if collaring him at football； he knocked off
his hat； propelled him into the car； banged the door； mounted； and
started at full speed； with Blink leaping and barking in front of them。
Debouching from Piave Parade into Bottomley Lane he drove up it till the
crowd was but a memory before he stopped to examine the condition
his master。 Mr。 Lavender was hanging out of window； looking back； and
shivering violently。
〃Well； sir；〃 said Joe。 〃I don't think！〃
〃Joe；〃 said Mr。 Lavender that crowd ought not to be at large。 They were
manifestly Huns。
〃The speakin's been a bit too much for you； sir；〃 said Joe。 〃But you've
got it off your chest； anyway。〃
Mr。 Lavender regarded him for a moment in silence； then putting his hand
to his throat； said hoarsely：
〃No； on my chest； I think； Joe。 All public speakers do。 It is
inseparable from that great calling。〃
〃'Alf a mo'！〃 grunted Joe； diving into the recesses beneath the driving…
seat。 〃'Ere； swig that off； sir。 〃
Mr。 Lavender raised the tumbler of fluid to his mouth； and drank it off；
only from the dregs left on his moustache did he perceive that it smelled
of rum and honey。
〃Joe；〃 he said reproachfully； 〃you have made me break my pledge。〃
Joe smiled。 〃Well； what are they for； sir？ You'll sleep at 'ome to…
night。〃
〃Never；〃 said Mr。 Lavender。 〃I shall sleep at High Barnet； I must
address them there tomorrow on abstinence during the war。〃
〃As you please； sir。 But try and 'ave a nap while we go along。〃 And
lifting Blink into the car； where she lay drenched and exhausted by
excitement； with the petal of a purple flower clinging to her black nose；
he mounted to his seat and drove off。 Mr。 Lavender； for years
unaccustomed to spirituous liquor； of which he had swallowed nearly half
a pint neat； passed rapidly into a state of coma。 Nor did he fully
regain consciousness till he awoke in bed the next morning。
IV
INTO THE DANGERS OF A PUBLIC LIFE
〃At what time is my meeting？〃 thought Mr。 Lavender vaguely； gazing at the
light filtering through the Venetian blind。 〃Blink！〃
His dog； who was lying beside his bed gnawing a bone which with some
presence of mind she had brought in； raised herself and regarded him with
the innocence of her species。 〃She has an air of divine madness；〃
thought Mr。 Lavender； which is very pleasing to me。 I have a terrible
headache。〃 And seeing a bellrope near his hand he pulled it。
A voice said： 〃Yes； sir。〃
〃I wish to see my； servant； Joe Petty；〃 said Lavender。 〃I shall not
require any breakfast thank you。 What is the population of High Barnet？〃
〃I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about； sir；〃 answered the
voice； which seemed to be that of his housekeeper； 〃but you can't see
Joe； he's gone out with a flea in his ear。 The idea of his letting you
get your feet wet like that！
〃How is this？〃 said Mr。 Lavender。 〃I thought you were the chambermaid of
the inn at High Barnet？〃
〃No； indeed；〃 said Mrs。 Petty soothingly； placing a thermometer in his
mouth。 〃Smoke that a minute； sir。 Oh！ look at what this dog's brought
in！ Fie！〃 And taking the bone between thumb and finger she cast it out
of the window； while Blink； aware that she was considered in the wrong；
and convinced that she was in the right； spread out her left paw； laid
her head on her right paw； and pressed her chin hard against it。 Mrs。
Petty； returning from the window； stood above her master； who lay gazing
up with the thermometer jutting out through the middle of his moustache。
〃I thought so！〃 she said； removing it； 〃a hundred and one。 No getting up
for you； sir！ That Joe！〃
〃Mrs。 Petty；〃 said Mr。 Lavender rather feebly； for his head pained him
excessively； 〃bring me the morning papers。〃
〃No； sir。 The thermometer bursts at an an' ten。 I'll bring you the
doctor。〃
Mr。 Lavender was about to utter a protest when he reflected that all
public men had doctors。
〃About the bulletin？〃 he said fa