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say： If you don't want a dam here you will have to pay to get us
away。 Do you see the result？ The factory would give us five
thousand roubles； Korolkoff three thousand； the monastery five
thousand more
IVANOFF。 All that is simply idiotic； Misha。 If you don't want me
to lose my temper you must keep your schemes to yourself。
BORKIN。 ＇Sits down at the table＇ Of course！ I knew how it would
be！ You never will act for yourself； and you tie my hands so that
I am helpless。
Enter SHABELSKI and LVOFF。
SHABELSKI。 The only difference between lawyers and doctors is
that lawyers simply rob you； whereas doctors both rob you and
kill you。 I am not referring to any one present。 ＇Sits down on
the bench＇ They are all frauds and swindlers。 Perhaps in Arcadia
you might find an exception to the general rule and yetI have
treated thousands of sick people myself in my life； and I have
never met a doctor who did not seem to me to be an unmistakable
scoundrel。
BORKIN。 ＇To IVANOFF＇ Yes； you tie my hands and never do anything
for yourself； and that is why you have no money。
SHABELSKI。 As I said before； I am not referring to any one here
at present； there may be exceptions though； after all ＇He
yawns。＇
IVANOFF。 ＇Shuts his book＇ What have you to tell me； doctor？
LVOFF。 ＇Looks toward the window＇ Exactly what I said this
morning： she must go to the Crimea at once。 ＇Walks up and down。＇
SHABELSKI。 ＇Bursts out laughing＇ To the Crimea！ Why don't you and
I set up as doctors； Misha？ Then； if some Madame Angot or Ophelia
finds the world tiresome and begins to cough and be consumptive；
all we shall have to do will be to write out a prescription
according to the laws of medicine： that is； first； we shall order
her a young doctor； and then a journey to the Crimea。 There some
fascinating young Tartar…
IVANOFF。 ＇Interrupting＇ Oh； don't be coarse！ ＇To LVOFF＇ It takes
money to go to the Crimea； and even if I could afford it； you
know she has refused to go。
LVOFF。 Yes； she has。 ＇A pause。＇
BORKIN。 Look here； doctor； is Anna really so ill that she
absolutely must go to the Crimea？
LVOFF。 ＇Looking toward the window＇ Yes； she has consumption。
BORKIN。 Whew！ How sad！ I have seen in her face for some time that
she could not last much longer。
LVOFF。 Can't you speak quietly？ She can hear everything you say。
＇A pause。＇
BORKIN。 ＇Sighing＇ The life of man is like a flower； blooming so
gaily in a field。 Then； along comes a goat； he eats it； and the
flower is gone！
SHABELSKI。 Oh； nonsense； nonsense。 ＇Yawning＇ Everything is a
fraud and a swindle。 ＇A pause。＇
BORKIN。 Gentlemen； I have been trying to tell Nicholas how he can
make some money； and have submitted a brilliant plan to him； but
my seed； as usual； has fallen on barren soil。 Look what a sight
he is now： dull； cross； bored； peevish…
SHABELSKI。 ＇Gets up and stretches himself＇ You are always
inventing schemes for everybody； you clever fellow； and telling
them how to live； can't you tell me something？ Give me some good
advice； you ingenious young man。 Show me a good move to make。
BORKIN。 ＇Getting up＇ I am going to have a swim。 Goodbye；
gentlemen。 ＇To Shabelski＇ There are at least twenty good moves
you could make。 If I were you I should have twenty thousand
roubles in a week。
＇He goes out； SHABELSKI follows him。＇
SHABELSKI。 How would you do it？ Come； explain。
BORKIN。 There is nothing to explain； it is so simple。 ＇Coming
back＇ Nicholas； give me a rouble。
IVANOFF silently hands him the money
BORKIN。 Thanks。 Shabelski； you still hold some trump cards。
SHABELSKI follows him out。
SHABELSKI。 Well； what are they？
BORKIN。 If I were you I should have thirty thousand roubles and
more in a week。 ＇They go out together。＇
IVANOFF。 ＇After a pause＇ Useless people； useless talk； and the
necessity of answering stupid questions； have wearied me so；
doctor； that I am ill。 I have become so irritable and bitter that
I don't know myself。 My head aches for days at a time。 I hear a
ringing in my ears； I can't sleep； and yet there is no escape
from it all； absolutely none。
LVOFF。 Ivanoff； I have something serious to speak to you about。
IVANOFF。 What is it ？
LVOFF。 It is about your wife。 She refuses to go to the Crimea
alone； but she would go with you。
IVANOFF。 ＇Thoughtfully＇ It would cost a great deal for us both to
go； and besides； I could not get leave to be away for so long。 I
have had one holiday already this year。
LVOFF。 Very well； let us admit that。 Now to proceed。 The best
cure for consumption is absolute peace of mind； and your wife has
none whatever。 She is forever excited by your behaviour to her。
Forgive me； I am excited and am going to speak frankly。 Your
treatment of her is killing her。 ＇A pause＇ Ivanoff； let me
believe better things of you。
IVANOFF。 What you say is true； true。 I must be terribly guilty；
but my mind is confused。 My will seems to be paralysed by a kind
of stupor； I can't understand myself or any one else。 ＇Looks
toward the window＇ Come； let us take a walk； we might be
overheard here。 ＇They get up＇ My dear friend； you should hear the
whole story from the beginning if it were not so long and
complicated that to tell it would take all night。 ＇They walk up
and down＇ Anna is a splendid； an exceptional woman。 She has left
her faith； her parents and her fortune for my sake。 If I should
demand a hundred other sacrifices； she would consent to every one
without the quiver of an eyelid。 Well； I am not a remarkable man
in any way； and have sacrificed nothing。 However； the story is a
long one。 In short； the whole point is； my dear doctor
＇Confused＇ that I married her for love and promised to love her
forever； and now after five years she loves me still and I ＇He
waves his hand＇ Now； when you tell me she is dying； I feel
neither love nor pity； only a sort of loneliness and weariness。
To all appearances this must seem horrible； and I cannot
understand myself what is happening to me。 ＇They go out。＇
SHABELSKI comes in。
SHABELSKI。 ＇Laughing＇ Upon my word； that man is no scoundrel； but
a great thinker； a master…mind。 He deserves a memorial。 He is the
essence of modern ingenuity； and combines in himself alone the
genius of the lawyer； the doctor； and the financier。 ＇He sits
down on the lowest step of the terrace＇ And yet he has never
finished a course of studies in any college； that is so
surprising。 What an ideal scoundrel he would have made if he had
acquired a little culture and mastered the sciences！ 〃You could
make twenty thousand roubles in a week；〃 he said。 〃You still hold
the ace of trumps： it is your title。〃 ＇Laughing＇ He said I might
get a rich girl to marry me for it！ ＇ANNA opens the window and
looks down＇ 〃Let me make a match between you and Martha；〃 says
he。 Who is this Martha？ It must be that BalabalkinaBabakalkina
woman； the one that looks like a laundress。
ANNA。 Is that you； Count？
SHABELSKI。 What do you want？
ANNA laughs。
SHABELSKI。 ＇With a Jewish accent＇ Vy do you laugh？
ANNA。 I was thinking of something you said at dinner； do you
remember？ How was ita forgiven thief； a doctored horse。
SHABELSKI。 A forgiven thief； a doctored hor