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to take a brighter view of the marriage than did my mother herself；
who hardly ever looked up； and never smiled after the day when she
promised William Preston to be his wife。 But much as she had loved
Gregory before； she seemed to love him more now。 She was continually
talking to him when they were alone； though he was far too young to
understand her moaning words； or give her any comfort； except by his
caresses。
At last William Preston and she were wed； and she went to be mistress
of a well…stocked house； not above half…an…hour's walk from where
aunt Fanny lived。 I believe she did all that she could to please my
father； and a more dutiful wife； I have heard him himself say； could
never have been。 But she did not love him； and he soon found it out。
She loved Gregory； and she did not love him。 Perhaps； love would
have come in time； if he had been patient enough to wait； but it just
turned him sour to see how her eye brightened and her colour came at
the sight of that little child； while for him who had given her so
much； she had only gentle words as cold as ice。 He got to taunt her
with the difference in her manner； as if that would bring love： and
he took a positive dislike to Gregory；he was so jealous of the
ready love that always gushed out like a spring of fresh water when
he came near。 He wanted her to love him more； and perhaps that was
all well and good； but he wanted her to love her child less； and that
was an evil wish。 One day； he gave way to his temper； and cursed and
swore at Gregory； who had got into some mischief； as children will；
my mother made some excuse for him； my father said it was hard enough
to have to keep another man's child； without having it perpetually
held up in its naughtiness by his wife； who ought to be always in the
same mind that he was； and so from little they got to more； and the
end of it was； that my mother took to her bed before her time； and I
was born that very day。 My father was glad； and proud； and sorry；
all in a breath； glad and proud that a son was born to him； and sorry
for his poor wife's state； and to think how his angry words had
brought it on。 But he was a man who liked better to be angry than
sorry； so he soon found out that it was all Gregory's fault； and owed
him an additional grudge for having hastened my birth。 He had
another grudge against him before long。 My mother began to sink the
day after I was born。 My father sent to Carlisle for doctors； and
would have coined his heart's blood into gold to save her； if that
could have been； but it could not。 My aunt Fanny used to say
sometimes； that she thought that Helen did not wish to live； and so
just let herself die away without trying to take hold on life； but
when I questioned her； she owned that my mother did all the doctors
bade her do； with the same sort of uncomplaining patience with which
she had acted through life。 One of her last requests was to have
Gregory laid in her bed by my side； and then she made him take hold
of my little hand。 Her husband came in while she was looking at us
so； and when he bent tenderly over her to ask her how she felt now；
and seemed to gaze on us two little half…brothers； with a grave sort
of kindness； she looked up in his face and smiled； almost her first
smile at him； and such a sweet smile！ as more besides aunt Fanny have
said。 In an hour she was dead。 Aunt Fanny came to live with us。 It
was the best thing that could be done。 My father would have been
glad to return to his old mode of bachelor life； but what could he do
with two little children？ He needed a woman to take care of him； and
who so fitting as his wife's elder sister？ So she had the charge of
me from my birth； and for a time I was weakly； as was but natural；
and she was always beside me； night and day watching over me； and my
father nearly as anxious as she。 For his land had come down from
father to son for more than three hundred years； and he would have
cared for me merely as his flesh and blood that was to inherit the
land after him。 But he needed something to love； for all that； to
most people； he was a stern； hard man； and he took to me as； I fancy；
he had taken to no human being beforeas he might have taken to my
mother； if she had had no former life for him to be jealous of。 I
loved him back again right heartily。 I loved all around me； I
believe； for everybody was kind to me。 After a time； I overcame my
original weakness of constitution； and was just a bonny； strong…
looking lad whom every passer…by noticed； when my father took me with
him to the nearest town。
At home I was the darling of my aunt； the tenderly…beloved of my
father； the pet and plaything of the old domestics； the 〃young
master〃 of the farm…labourers； before whom I played many a lordly
antic； assuming a sort of authority which sat oddly enough； I doubt
not； on such a baby as I was。
Gregory was three years older than I。 Aunt Fanny was always kind to
him in deed and in action； but she did not often think about him； she
had fallen so completely into the habit of being engrossed by me；
from the fact of my having come into her charge as a delicate baby。
My father never got over his grudging dislike to his stepson； who had
so innocently wrestled with him for the possession of my mother's
heart。 I mistrust me； too； that my father always considered him as
the cause of my mother's death and my early delicacy； and utterly
unreasonable as this may seem； I believe my father rather cherished
his feeling of alienation to my brother as a duty； than strove to
repress it。 Yet not for the world would my father have grudged him
anything that money could purchase。 That was； as it were； in the
bond when he had wedded my mother。 Gregory was lumpish and loutish；
awkward and ungainly； marring whatever he meddled in； and many a hard
word and sharp scolding did he get from the people about the farm；
who hardly waited till my father's back was turned before they rated
the stepson。 I am ashamedmy heart is sore to think how I fell into
the fashion of the family； and slighted my poor orphan step…brother。
I don't think I ever scouted him； or was wilfully ill…natured to him；
but the habit of being considered in all things； and being treated as
something uncommon and superior； made me insolent in my prosperity；
and I exacted more than Gregory was always willing to grant； and
then； irritated； I sometimes repeated the disparaging words I had
heard others use with regard to him； without fully understanding
their meaning。 Whether he did or not I cannot tell。 I am afraid he
did。 He used to turn silent and quietsullen and sulky； my father
thought it： stupid； aunt Fanny used to call it。 But every one said
he was stupid and dull； and this stupidity and dullness grew upon
him。 He would sit without speaking a word； sometimes； for hours；
then my father would bid him rise and do some piece of work； maybe；
about the farm。 And he would take th