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world one hundred or one thousand years hence。 There is always a
depressing absence of human nature about the place； so much so； that one
feels great consolation in the thought； while reading； that we ourselves
shall be comfortably dead and buried before the picture can be realized。
In these prophesied Utopias everybody is painfully good and clean and
happy； and all the work is done by electricity。
There is somewhat too much electricity； for my taste； in these worlds
to come。 One is reminded of those pictorial enamel…paint advertisements
that one sees about so often now； in which all the members of an extensive
household are represented as gathered together in one room； spreading
enamel…paint over everything they can lay their hands upon。 The old
man is on a step…ladder； daubing the walls and ceiling with 〃cuckoo's…egg
green；〃 while the parlor…maid and the cook are on their knees； painting the
floor with 〃sealing…wax red。〃 The old lady is doing the picture frames in
〃terra cotta。〃 The eldest daughter and her young man are making sly love
in a corner over a pot of 〃high art yellow；〃 with which； so soon as they
have finished wasting their time； they will； it is manifest； proceed to
elevate the piano。 Younger brothers and sisters are busy freshening up
the chairs and tables with 〃strawberry…jam pink 〃 and 〃jubilee magenta。〃
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Dreams
Every blessed thing in that room is being coated with enamel paint； from
the sofa to the fire…irons； from the sideboard to the eight…day clock。 If
there is any paint left over； it will be used up for the family Bible and the
canary。
It is claimed for this invention that a little child can make as much
mess with it as can a grown…up person； and so all the children of the
family are represented in the picture as hard at work； enameling whatever
few articles of furniture and household use the grasping selfishness of
their elders has spared to them。 One is painting the toasting fork in a
〃skim…milk blue；〃 while another is giving aesthetical value to the Dutch
oven by means of a new shade of art green。 The bootjack is being
renovated in 〃old gold；〃 and the baby is sitting on the floor； smothering its
own cradle with 〃flush…upon…a…maiden's cheek peach color。〃
One feels that the thing is being overdone。 That family； before
another month is gone； will be among the strongest opponents of enamel
paint that the century has produced。 Enamel paint will be the ruin of that
once happy home。 Enamel paint has a cold； glassy； cynical appearance。
Its presence everywhere about the place will begin to irritate the old man
in the course of a week or so。 He will call it； 〃This damn'd sticky stuff！〃
and will tell the wife that he wonders she didn't paint herself and the
children with it while she was about it。 She will reply； in an exasperatingly
quiet tone of voice； that she does like that。 Perhaps he will say next； that
she did not warn him against it； and tell him what an idiot he was making
of himself； spoiling the whole house with his foolish fads。 Each one will
persist that it was the other one who first suggested the absurdity； and they
will sit up in bed and quarrel about it every night for a month。
The children having acquired a taste for smudging the concoction
about； and there being nothing else left untouched in the house； will try to
enamel the cat； and then there will be bloodshed； and broken windows；
and spoiled infants； and sorrows and yells。 The smell of the paint will
make everybody ill； and the servants will give notice。 Tradesmen's boys
will lean up against places that are not dry and get their clothes enameled
and claim compensation。 And the baby will suck the paint off its cradle
and have fits。
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Dreams
But the person that will suffer most will； of course； be the eldest
daughter's young man。 The eldest daughter's young man is always
unfortunate。 He means well； and he tries hard。 His great ambition is to
make the family love him。 But fate is ever against him； and he only
succeeds in gaining their undisguised contempt。 The fact of his being
〃gone〃 on their Emily is； of itself； naturally sufficient to stamp him as an
imbecile in the eyes of Emily's brothers and sisters。 The father finds him
slow； and thinks the girl might have done better； while the best that his
future mother…in…law （his sole supporter） can say for him is； that he seems
steady。
There is only one thing that prompts the family to tolerate him； and
that is the reflection that he is going to take Emily away from them。
On that understanding they put up with him。
The eldest daughter's young man； in this particular case； will； you may
depend upon it； choose that exact moment when the baby's life is hovering
in the balance； and the cook is waiting for her wages with her box in the
hall； and a coal…heaver is at the front door with a policeman； making a row
about the damage to his trousers； to come in； smiling； with a specimen pot
of some new high art； squashed…tomato…shade enamel paint； and suggest
that they should try it on the old man's pipe。 Then Emily will go off into
hysterics； and Emily's male progenitor will firmly but quietly lead that ill…
starred yet true…hearted young man to the public side of the garden…gate；
and the engagement will be 〃off。〃
Too much of anything is a mistake； as the man said when his wife
presented him with four new healthy children in one day。 We should
practice moderation in all matters。 A little enamel paint would have been
good。 They might have enameled the house inside and out； and have left
the furniture alone。 Or they might have colored the furniture； and let the
house be。 But an entirely and completely enameled homea home； such
as enamel…paint manufacturers love to picture on their advertisements；
over which the yearning eye wanders in vain； seeking one single square
inch of un…enameled matteris； I