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after hearing what the critics said； and purchased ladders； and went off and
painted houses。
Because； you see； this country of which I dreamed was not one of
those vulgar； ordinary countries； such as exist in the waking world； where
people let the critics talk as much as ever they like； and nobody pays the
slightest attention to what they say。 Here； in this strange land； the critics
were taken seriously； and their advice followed。
As for the poets and sculptors； they were very soon shut up。 The idea
of any educated person wanting to read modern poetry when he could
obtain Homer； or caring to look at any other statue while there was still
some of the Venus de Medicis left； was too absurd。 Poets and sculptors
were only wasting their time
What new occupation they were recommended to adopt； I forget。
Some calling they knew nothing whatever about； and that they were totally
unfitted for； of course。
The musicians tried their art for a little while； but they； too； were of no
use。 〃Merely a repetition of the same notes in different combinations；〃
said the critics。 〃Why will people waste their time writing unoriginal
music； when they might be sweeping crossings？〃
One man had written a play。 I asked what the critics had said about
him。 They showed me his tomb。
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Then； there being no more artists or _litterateurs_ or dramatists or
musicians left for their beloved critics to criticise； the general public of
this enlightened land said to themselves； 〃Why should not our critics come
and criticise us？ Criticism is useful to a man。 Have we not often been
told so？ Look how useful it has been to the artists and writerssaved the
poor fellows from wasting their time？ Why shouldn't we have some of its
benefits？〃
They suggested the idea to the critics； and the critics thought it an
excellent one； and said they would undertake the job with pleasure。 One
must say for the critics that they never shirk work。 They will sit and
criticise for eighteen hours a day； if necessary； or even； if quite
unnecessary； for the matter of that。 You can't give them too much to
criticise。 They will criticise everything and everybody in this world。
They will criticise everything in the next world； too； when they get there。
I expect poor old Pluto has a lively time with them all； as it is。
So； when a man built a house； or a farm…yard hen laid an egg； the
critics were asked in to comment on it。 They found that none of the
houses were original。 On every floor were passages that seemed mere
copies from passages in other houses。 They were all built on the same
hackneyed plan； cellars underneath； ground floor level with the street； attic
at the top。 No originality anywhere！
So； likewise with the eggs。 Every egg suggested reminiscences of
other eggs。
It was heartrending work。
The critics criticised all things。 When a young couple fell in love；
they each； before thinking of marriage； called upon the critics for a
criticism of the other one。
Needless to say that； in the result； no marriage ever came of it。
〃My dear young lady；〃 the critics would say； after the inspection had
taken place； 〃I can discover nothing new whatever about the young man。
You would simply be wasting your time in marrying him。〃
Or； to the young man； it would be：
〃Oh； dear； no！ Nothing attractive about the girl at all。 Who on earth
gave you that notion？ Simply a lovely face and figure； angelic
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Dreams
disposition； beautiful mind； stanch heart； noble character。 Why； there
must have been nearly a dozen such girls born into the world since its
creation。 You would be only wasting your time loving her。〃
They criticised the birds for their hackneyed style of singing； and the
flowers for their hackneyed scents and colors。 They complained of the
weather that it lacked originality（true； they had not lived out an English
spring）and found fault with the Sun because of the sameness of his
methods。
They criticised the babies。 When a fresh infant was published in a
house； the critics would call in a body to pass their judgment upon it； and
the young mother would bring it down for them to sample。
〃Did you ever see a child anything like that in this world before？〃 she
would say； holding it out to them。 〃Isn't it a wonderful baby？ _You_
never saw a child with legs like that； I know。 Nurse says he's the most
extraordinary baby she ever attended。 Bless him！〃
But the critics did not think anything of it。
〃Tut； tut；〃 they would reply； 〃there is nothing extraordinary about that
childno originality whatever。 Why； it's exactly like every other baby
bald head； red face； big mouth； and stumpy nose。 Why； that's only a
weak imitation of the baby next door。 It's a plagiarism； that's what that
child is。 You've been wasting your time； madam。 If you can't do
anything more original than that； we should advise you to give up the
business altogether。〃
That was the end of criticism in that strange land。
〃Oh！ look here； we've had enough of you and your originality；〃 said
the people to the critics； after that。 〃Why； _you_ are not original； when
one comes to think of it； and your criticisms are not original。 You've all of
you been saying exactly the same thing ever since the time of Solomon。
We are going to drown you and have a little peace。〃
〃What； drown a critic！〃 cried the critics； 〃never heard of such a
monstrous proceeding in our lives！〃
〃No； we flatter ourselves it is an original idea；〃 replied the public；
brutally。 〃You ought to be charmed with it。 Out you come！〃
So they took the critics out and drowned them； and then passed a short
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