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crowded with the flower of the aristocracy and the higher
bourgeoisie from nine to six every day。 But the war came； and my
patients were ordered to give up their luxuries。 They gave up
their doctors； but kept their week…end hotels； closing every
career to me except the career of a waiter。 ＇He puts his fingers
on the teapot to test its temperature； and automatically takes
out his watch with the other hand as if to count the teapot's
pulse。＇ You are right： the tea is cold： it was made by the wife
of a once fashionable architect。 The cake is only half toasted：
what can you expect from a ruined west…end tailor whose attempt
to establish a second…hand business failed last Tuesday week？
Have you the heart to complain to the manager？ Have we not
suffered enough？ Are our miseries nev ＇the manager enters＇。 Oh
Lord！ here he is。 ＇The waiter withdraws abjectly； taking the tea
tray with him。＇
THE MANAGER。 Pardon； Your Highness； but I have received an urgent
inquiry for rooms from an English family of importance； and I
venture to ask you to let me know how long you intend to honor us
with your presence。
THE PRINCESS ＇rising anxiously＇。 Oh！ am I in the way？
ERMYNTRUDE ＇sternly＇。 Sit down； madam。 ＇The Princess sits down
forlornly。 Ermyntrude turns imperiously to the Manager。＇ Her
Highness will require this room for twenty minutes。
THE MANAGER。 Twenty minutes！
ERMYNTRUDE。 Yes： it will take fully that time to find a proper
apartment in a respectable hotel。
THE MANAGER。 I do not understand。
ERMYNTRUDE。 You understand perfectly。 How dare you offer Her
Highness a room on the second floor？
THE MANAGER。 But I have explained。 The first floor is occupied。
At least
ERMYNTRUDE。 Well？ at least？
THE MANAGER。 It is occupied。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Don't you dare tell Her Highness a falsehood。 It is
not occupied。 You are saving it up for the arrival of the
five…fifteen express； from which you hope to pick up some fat
armaments contractor who will drink all the bad champagne in your
cellar at 5 francs a bottle； and pay twice over for everything
because he is in the same hotel with Her Highness； and can boast
of having turned her out of the best rooms。
THE MANAGER。 But Her Highness was so gracious。 I did not know
that Her Highness was at all particular。
ERMYNTRUDE。 And you take advantage of Her Highness's
graciousness。 You impose on her with your stories。 You give her a
room not fit for a dog。 You send cold tea to her by a decayed
professional person disguised as a waiter。 But don't think you
can trifle with me。 I am a lady's maid； and I know the ladies'
maids and valets of all the aristocracies of Europe and all the
millionaires of America。 When I expose your hotel as the
second…rate little hole it is； not a soul above the rank of a
curate with a large family will be seen entering it。 I shake its
dust off my feet。 Order the luggage to be taken down at once。
THE MANAGER ＇appealing to the Princess＇。 Can Your Highness
believe this of me？ Have I had the misfortune to offend Your
Highness？
THE PRINCESS。 Oh no。 I am quite satisfied。 Please
ERMYNTRUDE。 Is Your Highness dissatisfied with me？
THE PRINCESS ＇intimidated＇。 Oh no： please don't think that。 I
only meant
ERMYNTRUDE ＇to the manager＇。 You hear。 Perhaps you think Her
Highness is going to do the work of teaching you your place
herself； instead of leaving it to her maid。
THE MANAGER。 Oh please； mademoiselle。 Believe me： our only wish
is to make you perfectly comfortable。 But in consequence of the
war； all royal personages now practise a rigid economy； and
desire us to treat them like their poorest subjects。
THE PRINCESS。 Oh yes。 You are quite right
ERMYNTRUDE ＇interrupting＇。 There！ Her Highness forgives you； but
don't do it again。 Now go downstairs； my good man； and get that
suite on the first floor ready for us。 And send some proper tea。
And turn on the heating apparatus until the temperature in the
rooms is comfortably warm。 And have hot water put in all the
bedrooms
THE MANAGER。 There are basins with hot and cold taps。
ERMYNTRUDE ＇scornfully＇。 Yes： there WOULD be。 Suppose we must put
up with that： sinks in our rooms； and pipes that rattle and bang
and guggle all over the house whenever anyone washes his hands。 I
know。
THE MANAGER ＇gallant＇。 You are hard to please； mademoiselle。
ERMYNTRUDE。 No harder than other people。 But when I'm not pleased
I'm not too ladylike to say so。 That's all the difference。 There
is nothing more； thank you。
The Manager shrugs his shoulders resignedly； makes a deep bow to
the Princess； goes to the door； wafts a kiss surreptitiously to
Ermyntrude； and goes out。
THE PRINCESS。 It's wonderful！ How have you the courage？
ERMYNTRUDE。 In Your Highness's service I know no fear。 Your
Highness can leave all unpleasant people to me。
THE PRINCESS。 How I wish I could！ The most dreadful thing of all
I have to go through myself。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Dare I ask what it is； Your Highness？
THE PRINCESS。 I'm going to be married。 I'm to be met here and
married to a man I never saw。 A boy！ A boy who never saw me！ One
of the sons of the Inca of Perusalem。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Indeed？ Which son？
THE PRINCESS。 I don't know。 They haven't settled which。 It's a
dreadful thing to be a princess： they just marry you to anyone
they like。 The Inca is to come and look at me； and pick out
whichever of his sons he thinks will suit。 And then I shall be an
alien enemy everywhere except in Perusalem； because the Inca has
made war on everybody。 And I shall have to pretend that everybody
has made war on him。 It's too bad。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Still； a husband is a husband。 I wish I had one。
THE PRINCESS。 Oh； how can you say that！ I'm afraid you're not a
nice woman。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Your Highness is provided for。 I'm not。
THE PRINCESS。 Even if you could bear to let a man touch you； you
shouldn't say so。
ERMYNTRUDE。 I shall not say so again； Your Highness； except
perhaps to the man。
THE PRINCESS。 It's too dreadful to think of。 I wonder you can be
so coarse。 I really don't think you'll suit。 I feel sure now that
you know more about men than you should。
ERMYNTRUDE。 I am a widow； Your Highness。
THE PRINCESS ＇overwhelmed＇。 Oh； I BEG your pardon。 Of course I
ought to have known you would not have spoken like that if you
were not married。 That makes it all right； doesn't it？ I'm so
sorry。
The Manager returns； white； scared； hardly able to speak。
THE MANAGER。 Your Highness； an officer asks to see you on behalf
of the Inca of Perusalem。
THE PRINCESS ＇rising distractedly＇。 Oh； I can't； really。 Oh； what
shall I do？
THE MANAGER。 On important business； he says； Your Highness。
Captain Duval。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Duval！ Nonsense！ The usual thing。 It is the Inca
himself； incognito。
THE PRINCESS。 Oh； send him away。 Oh； I'm so afraid of the Inca。
I'm not properly dressed to receive him； and he is so particular：
he would order me to stay in my room for a week。 Tell him to call
tomorrow： say I'm ill in bed。 I can't： I won't： I daren't： you
must get rid of him somehow。
ERMYNTRUDE。 Leave him to me； Your Highness。
THE PRINCESS。 You'd never dare！
ERMYNTRUDE。 I am an English