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because it flattered the lowest part of his nature。 It pleased
him to see himself in a mirror in his gold…embroidered uniform；
and to accept the deference paid him by some people because of
his position。
Something of the same kind happened when he married。 A very
brilliant match； from a worldly point of view； was arranged for
him； and he married chiefly because by refusing he would have had
to hurt the young lady who wished to be married to him； and those
who arranged the marriage； and also because a marriage with a
nice young girl of noble birth flattered his vanity and gave him
pleasure。 But this marriage very soon proved to be even less 〃the
right thing〃 than the Government service and his position at
Court。
After the birth of her first child the wife decided to have no
more； and began leading that luxurious worldly life in which he
now had to participate whether he liked or not。
She was not particularly handsome； and was faithful to him； and
she seemed； in spite of all the efforts it cost her； to derive
nothing but weariness from the life she led； yet she
perseveringly continued to live it； though it was poisoning her
husband's life。 And all his efforts to alter this life was
shattered； as against a stone wall； by her conviction； which all
her friends and relatives supported； that all was as it should
be。
The child； a little girl with bare legs and long golden curls；
was a being perfectly foreign to him； chiefly because she was
trained quite otherwise than he wished her to be。 There sprung up
between the husband and wife the usual misunderstanding； without
even the wish to understand each other； and then a silent
warfare； hidden from outsiders and tempered by decorum。 All this
made his life at home a burden； and became even less 〃the right
thing〃 than his service and his post。
But it was above all his attitude towards religion which was not
〃the right thing。〃 Like every one of his set and his time； by the
growth of his reason he broke without the least effort the nets
of the religious superstitions in which he was brought up； and
did not himself exactly know when it was that he freed himself of
them。 Being earnest and upright； he did not； during his youth and
intimacy with Nekhludoff as a student； conceal his rejection of
the State religion。 But as years went on and he rose in the
service； and especially at the time of the reaction towards
conservatism in society； his spiritual freedom stood in his way。
At home； when his father died； he had to be present at the masses
said for his soul； and his mother wished him to go to confession
or to communion； and it was in a way expected； by public opinion；
but above all； Government service demanded that he should be
present at all sorts of services； consecrations； thanksgivings；
and the like。 Hardly a day passed without some outward religious
form having to be observed。
When present at these services he had to pretend that he believed
in something which he did not believe in； and being truthful he
could not do this。 The alternative was； having made up his mind
that all these outward signs were deceitful； to alter his life in
such a way that he would not have to be present at such
ceremonials。 But to do what seemed so simple would have cost a
great deal。 Besides encountering the perpetual hostility of all
those who were near to him； he would have to give up the service
and his position； and sacrifice his hopes of being useful to
humanity by his service； now and in the future。 To make such a
sacrifice one would have to be firmly convinced of being right。
And he was firmly convinced he was right； as no educated man of
our time can help being convinced who knows a little history and
how the religions； and especially Church Christianity；
originated。
But under the stress of his daily life he； a truthful man；
allowed a little falsehood to creep in。 He said that in order to
do justice to an unreasonable thing one had to study the
unreasonable thing。 It was a little falsehood； but it sunk him
into the big falsehood in which he was now caught。
Before putting to himself the question whether the orthodoxy in
which he was born and bred； and which every one expected him to
accept； and without which he could not continue his useful
occupation； contained the truth； he had already decided the
answer。 And to clear up the question he did not read Voltaire；
Schopenhauer； Herbert Spencer； or Comte； but the philosophical
works of Hegel and the religious works of Vinet and Khomyakoff；
and naturally found in them what he wanted； i。e。； something like
peace of mind and a vindication of that religious teaching in
which he was educated； which his reason had long ceased to
accept； but without which his whole life was filled with
unpleasantness which could all be removed by accepting the
teaching。
And so he adopted all the usual sophistries which go to prove
that a single human reason cannot know the truth； that the truth
is only revealed to an association of men； and can only be known
by revelation； that revelation is kept by the church； etc。 And so
he managed to be present at prayers； masses for the dead； to
confess； make signs of the cross in front of icons； with a quiet
mind； without being conscious of the lie； and to continue in the
service which gave him the feeling of being useful and some
comfort in his joyless family life。 Although he believed this； he
felt with his entire being that this religion of his； more than
all else； was not 〃the right thing；〃 and that is why his eyes
always looked sad。
And seeing Nekhludoff； whom he had known before all these lies
had rooted themselves within him； reminded him of what he then
was。 It was especially after he had hurried to hint at his
religious views that he had most strongly felt all this 〃not the
right thing；〃 and had become painfully sad。 Nekhludoff felt it
also after the first joy of meeting his old friend had passed；
and therefore； though they promised each other to meet； they did
not take any steps towards an interview； and did not again see
each other during this stay of Nekhludoff's in Petersburg。
CHAPTER XXIV。
MARIETTE TEMPTS NEKHLUDOFF。
When they left the Senate； Nekhludoff and the advocate walked on
together； the advocate having given the driver of his carriage
orders to follow them。 The advocate told Nekhludoff the story of
the chief of a Government department； about whom the Senators had
been talking： how the thing was found out； and how the man； who
according to law should have been sent to the mines； had been
appointed Governor of a town in Siberia。 Then he related with
particular pleasure how several high…placed persons stole a lot
of money collected for the erection of the still unfinished
monument which they had passed that morning； also； how the
mistress of So…and…so got a lot of money at the Stock Exchange；
and how So…and…so agreed with So…and…so to sell him his wife。 The
advocate began another story about a swindle； and all sorts of
crimes committed by persons in high places； who； instead of being
in prison； sat on presidential chairs in all sorts of Government
institutions。 These tales； of which