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angered her； not in the least conscious of her prostitution。
Chapter Eight
She asked herself as she walked along； 〃What am I going to say？
How shall I begin？〃 And as she went on she recognised the
thickets； the trees； the sea…rushes on the hill； the chateau
yonder。 All the sensations of her first tenderness came back to
her； and her poor aching heart opened out amorously。 A warm wind
blew in her face； the melting snow fell drop by drop from the
buds to the grass。
She entered； as she used to； through the small park…gate。 She
reached the avenue bordered by a double row of dense lime…trees。
They were swaying their long whispering branches to and fro。 The
dogs in their kennels all barked； and the noise of their voices
resounded； but brought out no one。
She went up the large straight staircase with wooden balusters
that led to the corridor paved with dusty flags； into which
several doors in a row opened； as in a monastery or an inn。 His
was at the top； right at the end； on the left。 When she placed
her fingers on the lock her strength suddenly deserted her。 She
was afraid； almost wished he would not be there； though this was
her only hope； her last chance of salvation。 She collected her
thoughts for one moment； and； strengthening herself by the
feeling of present necessity； went in。
He was in front of the fire； both his feet on the mantelpiece；
smoking a pipe。
〃What！ it is you！〃 he said； getting up hurriedly。
〃Yes； it is I； Rodolphe。 I should like to ask your advice。〃
And； despite all her efforts； it was impossible for her to
open her lips。
〃You have not changed； you are charming as ever！〃
〃Oh；〃 she replied bitterly； 〃they are poor charms since you
disdained them。〃
Then he began a long explanation of his conduct； excusing himself
in vague terms； in default of being able to invent better。
She yielded to his words； still more to his voice and the sight
of him； so that； she pretended to believe； or perhaps believed；
in the pretext he gave for their rupture； this was a secret on
which depended the honour； the very life of a third person。
〃No matter！〃 she said； looking at him sadly。 〃I have suffered
much。〃
He replied philosophically
〃Such is life！〃
〃Has life；〃 Emma went on； 〃been good to you at least； since our
separation？〃
〃Oh； neither good nor bad。〃
〃Perhaps it would have been better never to have parted。〃
〃Yes； perhaps。〃
〃You think so？〃 she said； drawing nearer； and she sighed。 〃Oh；
Rodolphe！ if you but knew！ I loved you so！〃
It was then that she took his hand； and they remained some time；
their fingers intertwined； like that first day at the Show。 With
a gesture of pride he struggled against this emotion。 But sinking
upon his breast she said to him
〃How did you think I could live without you？ One cannot lose the
habit of happiness。 I was desolate。 I thought I should die。 I
will tell you about all that and you will see。 And youyou fled
from me！〃
For； all the three years； he had carefully avoided her in
consequence of that natural cowardice that characterises the
stronger sex。 Emma went on； with dainty little nods； more coaxing
than an amorous kitten
〃You love others； confess it！ Oh； I understand them； dear！ I
excuse them。 You probably seduced them as you seduced me。 You are
indeed a man； you have everything to make one love you。 But we'll
begin again； won't we？ We will love one another。 See！ I am
laughing； I am happy！ Oh； speak！〃
And she was charming to see； with her eyes； in which trembled a
tear； like the rain of a storm in a blue corolla。
He had drawn her upon his knees； and with the back of his hand
was caressing her smooth hair； where in the twilight was mirrored
like a golden arrow one last ray of the sun。 She bent down her
brow； at last he kissed her on the eyelids quite gently with the
tips of his lips。
〃Why； you have been crying！ What for？〃
She burst into tears。 Rodolphe thought this was an outburst of
her love。 As she did not speak； he took this silence for a last
remnant of resistance； and then he cried out
〃Oh； forgive me！ You are the only one who pleases me。 I was
imbecile and cruel。 I love you。 I will love you always。 What is
it。 Tell me！〃 He was kneeling by her。
〃Well； I am ruined； Rodolphe！ You must lend me three thousand
francs。〃
〃Butbut〃 said he； getting up slowly； while his face assumed a
grave expression。
〃You know；〃 she went on quickly； 〃that my husband had placed his
whole fortune at a notary's。 He ran away。 So we borrowed； the
patients don't pay us。 Moreover； the settling of the estate is
not yet done； we shall have the money later on。 But to…day； for
want of three thousand francs； we are to be sold up。 It is to be
at once； this very moment； and； counting upon your friendship； I
have come to you。〃
〃Ah！〃 thought Rodolphe； turning very pale； 〃that was what she
came for。〃 At last he said with a calm air
〃Dear madame； I have not got them。〃
He did not lie。 If he had had them； he would； no doubt； have
given them； although it is generally disagreeable to do such fine
things： a demand for money being； of all the winds that blow upon
love； the coldest and most destructive。
First she looked at him for some moments。
〃You have not got them！〃 she repeated several times。 〃You have
not got them！ I ought to have spared myself this last shame。 You
never loved me。 You are no better than the others。〃
She was betraying； ruining herself。
Rodolphe interrupted her； declaring he was 〃hard up〃 himself。
〃Ah！ I pity you；〃 said Emma。 〃Yesvery much。〃
And fixing her eyes upon an embossed carabine； that shone against
its panoply； 〃But when one is so poor one doesn't have silver on
the butt of one's gun。 One doesn't buy a clock inlaid with
tortoise shell；〃 she went on； pointing to a buhl timepiece； 〃nor
silver…gilt whistles for one's whips；〃 and she touched them； 〃nor
charms for one's watch。 Oh； he wants for nothing！ even to a
liqueur…stand in his room！ For you love yourself； you live well。
You have a chateau； farms； woods； you go hunting； you travel to
Paris。 Why； if it were but that；〃 she cried； taking up two studs
from the mantelpiece； 〃but the least of these trifles； one can
get money for them。 Oh； I do not want them； keep them！〃
And she threw the two links away from her； their gold chain
breaking as it struck against the wall。
〃But I！ I would have given you everything。 I would have sold all；
worked for you with my hands； I would have begged on the
highroads for a smile； for a look； to hear you say 'Thanks！' And
you sit there quietly in your arm…chair； as if you had not made
me suffer enough already！ But for you； and you know it； I might
have lived happily。 What made you do it？ Was it a bet？ Yet you
loved meyou said so。 And but a moment sinceAh！ it would have
been better to have driven me away。 My hands are hot with your
kisses； and there is the spot on the carpet where at my knees you
swore an eternity of love！ You made me believe you； for two years
you held me in the most magnificent； the sweetest dream！ Eh！ Our
plans for the journey； do you remember？ Oh； your letter！ your
letter！ it tore my heart！ And then when I come back