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Mavering thought of blueberries； but he did not say anything。
〃I guess it's going to be a regular circus。〃
Mavering did not care。 He asked incuriously； 〃How do you find your
course in such weather？〃
〃Well； we guess where we are； and then give her so many turns of the
wheel。〃 The officer laughed； and Mavering laughed too。 He was struck by
the hollow note in his laugh； it seemed to him pathetic； he wondered if
he should now always laugh so； and if people would remark it。 He tried
another laugh； it sounded mechanical。
He went to bed； and was so worn out that he fell asleep and began to
dream。 A face came up out of the sea； and brooded over the waters； as in
that picture of Vedder's which he calls 〃Memory；〃 but the hair was not
blond； it was the colour of those phosphorescent flames； and the eyes
were like it。 〃Horrible！ horrible！〃 he tried to shriek； but he cried；
〃Alice； I love you。〃 There was a burglar in the room； and he was running
after Miss Pasmer。 Mavering caught him； and tried to beat him； his fists
fell like bolls of cotton； the burglar drew his breath in with a long；
washing sound like water。
Mavering woke deathly sick； and heard the sweep of the waves。 The boat
was pitching frightfully。 He struggled out into the saloon； and saw that
it was five o'clock。 In five hours more it would be a day since he told
Alice that he loved her； it now seemed very improbable。 There were a
good many half…dressed people in the saloon； and a woman came running out
of her state…room straight to Mavering。 She was in her stocking feet；
and her hair hung down her back。
〃Oh！ are we going down？〃 she implored him。 〃Have we struck？ Oughtn't we
to praysomebody？ Shall I wake the children？〃
〃Mavering reassured her； and told her there was no danger。
〃Well； then；〃 she said； 〃I'll go back for my shoes。〃
〃Yes； better get your shoes。〃
The saloon rose round him and sank。 He controlled his sickness by
planting a chair in the centre and sitting in it with his eyes shut。 As
he grew more comfortable he reflected how he had calmed that woman； and
he resolved again to spend his life in doing good。 〃Yes； that's the only
ticket；〃 he said to himself； with involuntary frivolity。 He thought of
what the officer had said； and he helplessly added； 〃Circus ticket
reserved seat。〃 Then he began again； and loaded himself with execration。
The boat got into Portland at nine o'clock； and Mavering left her； taking
his hand…bag with him； and letting his trunk go on to Boston。
The officer who received his ticket at the gangplank noticed the
destination on it； and said； 〃Got enough？〃
〃Yes； for one while。〃 Mavering recognised his acquaintance of the night
before。
〃Don't like picnics very much。〃
〃No；〃 said Mavering； with abysmal gloom。 〃They don't agree with me。
Never did。〃 He was aware of trying to make his laugh bitter。 The
officer did not notice。
Mavering was surprised； after the chill of the storm at sea； to find it
rather a warm； close morning in Portland。 The restaurant to which the
hackman took him as the best in town was full of flies； they bit him
awake out of the dreary reveries he fell into while waiting for his
breakfast。 In a mirror opposite he saw his face。 It did not look
haggard； it looked very much as it always did。 He fancied playing a part
through lifehiding a broken heart under a smile。 〃0 you incorrigible
ass！〃 he said to himself； and was afraid he had said it to the young lady
who brought him his breakfast； and looked haughtily at him from under her
bang。 She was very thin； and wore a black jersey。
He tried to find out whether he had spoken aloud by addressing her
pleasantly。 〃It's pretty cold this morning。〃
〃What say？〃
〃Pretty cool。〃
〃Oh yes。 But it's pretty clo…ose；〃 she replied； in her Yankee
cantillation。 She went away and left him to the bacon and eggs he had
ordered at random。 There was a fly under one of the slices of bacon； and
Mavering confined himself to the coffee。
A man came up in a white cap and jacket from a basement in the front of
the restaurant； where confectionery was sold； and threw down a mass of
malleable candy on a marble slab； and began to work it。 Mavering watched
him； thinking fuzzily all the time of Alice； and holding long； fatiguing
dialogues with the people at the Ty'n…y…Coed； whose several voices he
heard。
He said to himself that it was worse than yesterday。 He wondered if it
would go on getting worse every day。
He saw a man pass the door of the restaurant who looked exactly like
Boardman as he glanced in。 The resemblance was explained by the man's
coming back； and proving to be really Boardman。
XXII。
Mavering sprang at him with a demand for the reason of his being there。
〃I thought it was you as I passed；〃 said Boardman； 〃but I couldn't make
sureso dark back here。〃
〃And I thought it was you； but I couldn't believe it；〃 said Mavering；
with equal force； cutting short an interior conversation with Mr。 Pasmer；
which had begun to hold itself since his first glimpse of Boardman。
〃I came down here to do a sort of one…horse yacht race to…day；〃 Boardman
explained。
〃Going to be a yacht race？ Better have some breakfast。 Or better not
here。 Flies under your bacon。〃
〃Rough on the flies；〃 said Boardman； snapping the bell which summoned the
spectre in the black jersey； and he sat down。 〃What are you doing in
Portland？〃
Mavering told him； and then Boardman asked him how he had left the
Pasmers。 Mavering needed no other hint to speak； and he spoke fully；
while Boardman listened with an agreeable silence； letting the hero of
the tale break into self…scornful groans and doleful laughs； and ease his
heart with grotesque； inarticulate noises； and made little or no
comments。
By the time his breakfast came； Boardman was ready to say； 〃I didn't
suppose it was so much of a mash。〃
〃I didn't either；〃 said Mavering； 〃when I left Boston。 Of course I knew
I was going down there to see her； but when I got there it kept going on；
just like anything else； up to the last moment。 I didn't realise till it
came to the worst that I had become a mere pulp。〃
〃Well； you won't stay so；〃 said Boardman； making the first vain attempt
at consolation。 He lifted the steak he had ordered； and peered beneath
it。 All right this time； any way。〃
〃I don't know what you mean by staying so；〃 replied Mavering； with gloomy
rejection of the comfort offered。
〃You'll see that it's all for the best； that you're well out of it。 If
she could throw you over； after leading you on〃
〃But she didn't lead me on！〃 exclaimed Mavering。 〃Don't you understand
that it was all my mistake from the first？ If I hadn't been perfectly
besotted I should have seen that she was only tolerating me。 Don't you
see？ Why； hang it； Boardman； I must have had a kind of consciousness of
it under my thick…skinned conceit； after all； for when I came to the
pointwhen I did come to the pointI hadn't the sand to stick to it
like a man； and I tried to get her to help me。 Yes； I can see that I did
now。 I kept fooling about； and fooling about； and it was because I had
that sort of presci