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and a few good…natured words。 In an evil moment he had mentioned
Towneley's name at Battersby； and now what was the result？ Here was
his mother plaguing him to ask Towneley to come down to Battersby
and marry Charlotte。 Why； if he had thought there was the remotest
chance of Towneley's marrying Charlotte he would have gone down on
his knees to him and told him what an odious young woman she was；
and implored him to save himself while there was yet time。
But Ernest had not prayed to be made 〃truly honest and
conscientious〃 for as many years as Christina had。 He tried to
conceal what he felt and thought as well as he could； and led the
conversation back to the difficulties which a clergyman might feel
to stand in the way of his being ordainednot because he had any
misgivings； but as a diversion。 His mother； however； thought she
had settled all that； and he got no more out of her。 Soon
afterwards he found the means of escaping； and was not slow to avail
himself of them。
CHAPTER XLIX
On his return to Cambridge in the May term of 1858； Ernest and a few
other friends who were also intended for orders came to the
conclusion that they must now take a more serious view of their
position。 They therefore attended chapel more regularly than
hitherto； and held evening meetings of a somewhat furtive character；
at which they would study the New Testament。 They even began to
commit the Epistles of St Paul to memory in the original Greek。
They got up Beveridge on the Thirty…nine Articles； and Pearson on
the Creed； in their hours of recreation they read More's 〃Mystery of
Godliness；〃 which Ernest thought was charming； and Taylor's 〃Holy
Living and Dying；〃 which also impressed him deeply； through what he
thought was the splendour of its language。 They handed themselves
over to the guidance of Dean Alford's notes on the Greek Testament；
which made Ernest better understand what was meant by
〃difficulties；〃 but also made him feel how shallow and impotent were
the conclusions arrived at by German neologians； with whose works；
being innocent of German； he was not otherwise acquainted。 Some of
the friends who joined him in these pursuits were Johnians； and the
meetings were often held within the walls of St John's。
I do not know how tidings of these furtive gatherings had reached
the Simeonites； but they must have come round to them in some way；
for they had not been continued many weeks before a circular was
sent to each of the young men who attended them； informing them that
the Rev。 Gideon Hawke； a well…known London Evangelical preacher；
whose sermons were then much talked of； was about to visit his young
friend Badcock of St John's； and would be glad to say a few words to
any who might wish to hear them； in Badcock's rooms on a certain
evening in May。
Badcock was one of the most notorious of all the Simeonites。 Not
only was he ugly； dirty； ill…dressed； bumptious； and in every way
objectionable； but he was deformed and waddled when he walked so
that he had won a nick…name which I can only reproduce by calling it
〃Here's my back； and there's my back；〃 because the lower parts of
his back emphasised themselves demonstratively as though about to
fly off in different directions like the two extreme notes in the
chord of the augmented sixth； with every step he took。 It may be
guessed； therefore； that the receipt of the circular had for a
moment an almost paralysing effect on those to whom it was
addressed； owing to the astonishment which it occasioned them。 It
certainly was a daring surprise； but like so many deformed people；
Badcock was forward and hard to check； he was a pushing fellow to
whom the present was just the opportunity he wanted for carrying war
into the enemy's quarters。
Ernest and his friends consulted。 Moved by the feeling that as they
were now preparing to be clergymen they ought not to stand so
stiffly on social dignity as heretofore； and also perhaps by the
desire to have a good private view of a preacher who was then much
upon the lips of men； they decided to accept the invitation。 When
the appointed time came they went with some confusion and self…
abasement to the rooms of this man； on whom they had looked down
hitherto as from an immeasurable height； and with whom nothing would
have made them believe a few weeks earlier that they could ever come
to be on speaking terms。
Mr Hawke was a very different…looking person from Badcock。 He was
remarkably handsome； or rather would have been but for the thinness
of his lips； and a look of too great firmness and inflexibility。
His features were a good deal like those of Leonardo da Vinci；
moreover he was kempt； looked in vigorous health； and was of a ruddy
countenance。 He was extremely courteous in his manner； and paid a
good deal of attention to Badcock； of whom he seemed to think
highly。 Altogether our young friends were taken aback； and inclined
to think smaller beer of themselves and larger of Badcock than was
agreeable to the old Adam who was still alive within them。 A few
well…known 〃Sims〃 from St John's and other colleges were present；
but not enough to swamp the Ernest set； as for the sake of brevity；
I will call them。
After a preliminary conversation in which there was nothing to
offend； the business of the evening began by Mr Hawke's standing up
at one end of the table； and saying 〃Let us pray。〃 The Ernest set
did not like this； but they could not help themselves； so they knelt
down and repeated the Lord's Prayer and a few others after Mr Hawke；
who delivered them remarkably well。 Then； when all had sat down； Mr
Hawke addressed them； speaking without notes and taking for his text
the words； 〃Saul； Saul； why persecutest thou me？〃 Whether owing to
Mr Hawke's manner； which was impressive； or to his well…known
reputation for ability； or whether from the fact that each one of
the Ernest set knew that he had been more or less a persecutor of
the 〃Sims〃 and yet felt instinctively that the 〃Sims〃 were after all
much more like the early Christians than he was himselfat any rate
the text； familiar though it was； went home to the consciences of
Ernest and his friends as it had never yet done。 If Mr Hawke had
stopped here he would have almost said enough； as he scanned the
faces turned towards him； and saw the impression he had made； he was
perhaps minded to bring his sermon to an end before beginning it；
but if so； he reconsidered himself and proceeded as follows。 I give
the sermon in full； for it is a typical one； and will explain a
state of mind which in another generation or two will seem to stand
sadly in need of explanation。
〃My young friends；〃 said Mr Hawke； 〃I am persuaded there is not one
of you here who doubts the existence of a Personal God。 If there
were； it is to him assuredly that I should first address myself。
Should I be mistaken in my belief that all here assembled accept the
existence of a God who is present amongst us though we see him not；
and whose eye is upon our most secret thoughts； let me implore the
doubter to confer with me in private before we part； I will then put
before him considerations through which God has