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LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Great Gods！ this basket is our fellow…citizen。 Stop； stop； in
heaven's name！
DICAEOPOLIS
I shall dismember it despite your cries； I will listen to nothing。
CHORUS （singing； tragically）
How； will you kill this coal…basket； my beloved comrade？
DICAEOPOLIS
Just now you would not listen to me。
CHORUS （singing； plaintively）
Well； speak now； if you will； tell us； tell us you have a weakness
for the Lacedaemonians。 I consent to anything； never will I forsake
this dear little basket。
DICAEOPOLIS
First； throw down your stones。
CHORUS （singing； meekly）
There I it's done。 And you put away your sword。
DICAEOPOLIS
Let me see that no stones remain concealed in your cloaks。
CHORUS （singing； petulantly）
They are all on the ground； see how we shake our garments。 Come；
no haggling； lay down your sword； we threw away everything while
crossing from one side of the Orchestra to the other。
DICAEOPOLIS
What cries of anguish you would have uttered had these coals of
Parnes been dismembered； and yet it came very near it； had they
perished； their death would have been due to the folly of their
fellow…citizens。 The poor basket was so frightened； look； it has
shed a thick black dust over me； the same as a cuttle…fish does。
What an irritable temper！ You shout and throw stones； you will not
hear my arguments…not even when I propose to speak in favour of the
Lacedaemonians with my head on the block； and yet I cling to life。
（He goes into the house。）
CHORUS （singing； belligerently again）
Well then； bring out a block before your door； scoundrel； and
let us hear the good grounds you can give us； I am curious to know
them。 Now mind； as you proposed yourself； place your head on the block
and speak。
DICAEOPOLIS （coming out of his house； carrying a block）
Here is the block； and； though I am but a very sorry speaker； I
wish nevertheless to talk freely of the Lacedaemonians and without the
protection of my buckler。 Yet I have many reasons for fear。 I know our
rustics； they are delighted if some braggart comes； and rightly or
wrongly； loads both them and their city with praise and flattery； they
do not see that such toad…eaters are traitors； who sell them for gain。
As for the old men； I know their weakness； they only seek to overwhelm
the accused with their votes。 Nor have I forgotten how Cleon treated
me because of my comedy last year； he dragged me before the Senate and
there he uttered endless slanders against me； it was a tempest of
abuse； a deluge of lies。 Through what a slough of mud he dragged me！ I
almost perished。 Permit me； therefore； before I speak； to dress in the
manner most likely to draw pity。
CHORUS （singing； querulously）
What evasions； subterfuges and delays！ Wait！ here is the sombre
helmet of Pluto with its thick bristling plume； Hieronymus lends it to
you； then open Sisyphus' bag of wiles； but hurry； hurry； for
discussion does not admit of delay。
DICAEOPOLIS
The time has come for me to manifest my courage； so I will go
and seek Euripides。 （Knocking on EURIPIDES' door） Ho！ slave； slave！
SLAVE （opening the door and poking his head out）
Who's there？
DICAEOPOLIS
Is Euripides at home？
SLAVE
He is and he isn't； understand that； if you can。
DICAEOPOLIS
What's that？ He is and he isn't！
SLAVE
Certainly； old man； busy gathering subtle fancies here and
there； his mind is not in the house； but he himself is； perched aloft；
he is composing a tragedy。
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh； Euripides； you are indeed happy to have a slave so quick at
redartee！ Now； fellow； call your master。
SLAVE
Impossible！ （He slams the door。）
DICAEOPOLIS
Too bad。 But I will not give up。 Come； let us knock at the door
again。 Euripides； my little Euripides； my darling Euripides； listen；
never had man greater right to your pity。 It is Dicaeopolis of the
Chollidan Deme who calls you。 Do you hear？
EURIPIDES （from within）
I have no time to waste。
DICAEOPOLIS
Very well； have yourself wheeled out here。
EURIPIDES
Impossible。
DICAEOPOLIS
Nevertheless。。。。
EURIPIDES
Well； let them roll me out； as to coming down； I have not the
time。
（The eccyclema turns and presents the interior of the house。
EURIPIDES is lying on a bed； his slave beside him。 On the back
wall are hung up tragic costumes of every sort and a multitude
of accessories is piled up on the floor。）
DICAEOPOLIS
Euripides。。。。
EURIPIDES
What words strike my ear？
DICAEOPOLIS
You perch aloft to compose tragedies； when you might just as
well do them on the ground。 No wonder you introduce cripples on the
stage。 And why do you dress in these miserable tragic rags？ No
wonder your heroes are beggars。 But； Euripides； on my knees I
beseech you； give me the tatters of some old piece； for I have to
treat the Chorus to a long speech； and if I do it badly it is all over
with me。
EURIPIDES
What rags do you prefer？ Those in which I rigged out Oeneus on the
stage； that unhappy； miserable old man？
DICAEOPOLIS
No； I want those of some hero still more unfortunate。
EURIPIDES
Of Phoenix； the blind man？
DICAEOPOLIS
No； not of Phoenix； you have another hero more unfortunate than
him。
EURIPIDES （to himself）
Now； what tatters does he want？ （to DICAEOPOLIS） Do you mean those
of the beggar Philoctetes？
DICAEOPOLIS
No； of another far more beggarly。
EURIPIDES
Is it the filthy dress of the lame fellow； Bellerophon？
DICAEOPOLIS
No； not Bellerophon； the one I mean was not only lame and a
beggar； but boastful and a fine speaker。
EURIPIDES
Ah！ I know； it is Telephus； the Mysian。
DICAEOPOLIS
Yes； Telephus。 Give me his rags； I beg of you。
EURIPIDES
Slave！ give him Telephus' tatters； they are on top of the rags
of Thyestes and mixed with those of Ino。 There they are； take them。
DICAEOPOLIS （holding up the costume for the audience to see）
Oh！ Zeus； whose eye pierces everywhere and embraces all； permit me
to assume the most wretcbed dress on earth。 Euripides； cap your
kindness by giving me the little Mysian hat； that goes so well with
these tatters。 I must to…day have the look of a beggar； 〃be what I am；
but not appear to be〃； the audience will know well who I am； but the
Chorus will be fools enough not to； and I shall dupe them with my
subtle phrases。
EURIPIDES
I will give you the hat； I love the clever tricks of an
ingenious brain like yours。
DICAEOPOLIS
Rest happy； and may it befall Telephus as I wish。 Ah； I already
feel myself filled with quibbles。 But I must have a beggar's staff。
EURIPIDES （handing him a staff）
Here you are； and now get away from this porch。
DICAEOPOLIS
Oh； my s