the foundations of personality-第60章

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he　satirist；　humorist　and　indeed　every　portrayer　of　life。　What　men　demand　of　each　other　is　sincerity；　and　even　where　the　insincerity　is　merely　a　habitual　pose　it　arouses　hostile　feeling　which　expresses　itself　all　the　way　from　criticism　to　the　overt　act。　Since　to　feel　superior　is　so　highly　prized　in　social　relationships　of　all　kinds；　part　of　the　technique　of　those　seeking　some　advantage　or　othereconomic；　social；　personalfrom　those　who　must　be　influenced　is　to　give　them　the　feeling　of　superiority。　Flattery；　cajolement；　humble　supplication　and　the　finer　maneuvers　of　tact；　all　have　this　in　mind。　These　however　are　palatable　to　the　intelligent　only　when　felt　to　be　sincere　and　when　emanating　from　some　one　more　or　less　esteemed；　though　there　are　plenty　who　〃fall〃　for　the　grossest　flattery　from　almost　any　one；　whose　ego　feeling　is　easily　inflated　with　a　corresponding　shrinking　in　judgment　and　common　sense。　In　the　relations　of　men　and　women；　flattery　in　one　shape　or　another　plays　an　enormous　role　from　the　effect　on　women　of　the　statement　or　implication　in　a　subtle　or　gross　way　that　they　are　charming；　and　the　effect　on　men　of　acknowledged　superiority　in　strength　courage　or　intelligence。　Of　course；　in　both　cases　the　effect　is　partly　in　the　physical　attractiveness　of　the　flatterer　and　tends　to　become　ridiculous　when　he　or　she　is　without　charm。　The　simpering　language　that　is　irresistible　when　uttered　by　a　starry…eyed　maid　of　eighteen　loses　somewhat　in　beauty　and　effect　when　emanating　from　the　lips　of　bespectacled　forty。　The　power　to　use　and　the　power　to　resist　flattery　in　any　of　its　forms　have　played　almost　as　great　a　role　in　the　history　of　the　race　as　strength；　beauty　or　intelligence。　It　would　be　futile　to　elaborate　in　detail　the　various　ways　of　seeking　superiority　or　resisting　inferiority。　Two　directions　of　this　impulse　need　some　attention；　as　they　lead　to　personality　traits　of　great　importance。　〃Having　one's　way〃　becomes　a　dominant　desire　with　many　people；　and　much　of　the　clashing　that　occurs　in　families；　organizations　and　the　council　chambers　of　nations　arises　from　a　childish；　egoistic　seeking　of　superiority。　People　enter　into　the　most　heated　and　sterile　arguments；　often　coming　to　blows；　if　the　course　of　conduct　they　desire　to　have　followed　is　modified　or　blocked。　Even　when　secretly　convinced　that　they　are　wrong；　husbands　and　wives　will　continue　to　insist　on　victory；　for　too　often　the　domestic　relationship　is　a　struggle　for　leadership　and　dominance　rather　than　a　partnership　and　a　conference。　Two　heads　are　better　than　one　when　the　intelligence　within　the　heads　is　of　good　grade　and　when　the　desire　for　superiority　does　not　take　trivial　directions。　And　the　effect　of　yielding　to　the　whims　of　children　is　to　develop　an　irritable；　domineering　egoism　bent　on　having　its　own　way；　resisting　reasonable　compromise　or　correction。　The　greatest　benefit　of　discipline　and　above　all　of　contact　with　equals　to　a　child　is　in　the　effect　on　this　phase　of　egoism；　i。　e。；　that　cooperation　means　compromise；　to　be　reasonable　implies　listening　with　respect　to　others'　plans　and　to　accept　better　ways　of　doing　things；　even　if　they　have　originated　with　others；　in　other　ways　the　subordinating　of　trivial　egoism。　The　large　families　of　other　days　offered　the　conflict　of　wills　and　its　consequent　lesson　within　the　home；　to…day　the　solitary　child；　or　the　one　whose　brother　or　sister　is　three；　four　or　five　years　younger　or　older　must　go　into　the　streets　to　obtain　this　discipline　or　else　go　without。　The　indulged　have　this　form　of　inferior　egoism　more　than　do　those　who　have　been　roughly　handled；　and　so　it　is　more　common　in　women　of　the　better…to…do　classes　and　in　men　who　have　always　exercised　authority。　It　is　of　course　found　in　what　is　known　as　the　stubborn　person；　he　whose　will　is　law　to　himself　and　who　seeks　to　make　it　law　to　others。　Ordinarily　the　stubborn　person　is　merely　a　nuisance；　but　also；　if　he　couples　that　stubbornness　with　intelligence　and　some　especial　ability；　he　may　reach　great　heights；　though　he　is　seldom　popular。　A　sub…form　of　having　one's　own　way　is　the　adherence　to　one's　own　〃opinion。〃　The　clash　of　opinions　is　in　its　noblest　aspect　the　basis　of　knowledge；　the　correction　of　opinion　that　results　when　man　meets　man　is　the　growth　of　tolerance　and　urbanity。　Wide　reading；　travel　and　experience　teach　us　that　our　opinions　can　never　be　absolutely　right；　and　we　grow　to　look　upon　them　in　a　detached　sort　of　way。　In　fact；　the　prime　result　of　the　growth　of　intelligence　and　of　experience　is　to　make　one；　as　it　were；　objective　toward　oneself；　to　view　one's　own　thoughts；　beliefs　and　emotions　with　some　humor　and　skepticism。　But　the　uncultured；　the　narrow；　the　inexperienced；　the　young　and　the　strongly　egotistic　never　detach　themselves　from　their　opinions；　and　their　opinions　are　themselves。　Attack　an　opinion；　contradict　or　amend　it；and　a　sort　of　fighting　spirit　is　aroused。　Argument　differs　from　discussion　in　that　it　seeks　all　means　to　winridicule；　sophistry；　and　personal　attack　and　it　is　by　far　the　more　common。　There　was　a　time　when　opinion　was　entirely　enslaved；　when　only　the　ruler　might　venture　on　a　new　belief　or　its　expression；　then　there　came　a　time　when　the　right　to　freedom　of　opinion　and　its　expression　was　conceded；　and　now；　with　huge　forces　confronting　one　another；　freedom　of　opinion＇1＇　is　again　threatened。　But　that　is　an　issue　larger　than　our　subject。　＇1＇　The　most　profound　contribution　to　the　subject　of　discussion　and　freedom　of　opinion　in　recent　years　has　been　written　by　Walter　Lippman　in　the　Atlantic　Monthly；　September；　1920。

You　may　judge　a　man　by　his　type　of　argument　and　his　reaction　to　the　opinions　of　others。　One　should　hold　to　his　own　beliefs　and　opinions；　but　only　if　they　withstand　the　assaults　of　reason。　To　build　ego　feeling　into　opinions　is　to　make　ignorance　sacred。　For　most　of　us　there　are　certain　opinions　that　we　will　not　tolerate；　and　there　are　others　to　which　we　are　indifferent。　There　are　those　who　feel　it　incumbent　on　themselves　to　contradict　any　opinion；　even　if　they　agree　fundamentally　with　it。　The　mere　fact　that　some　one　else　gave　it　utterance　arouses　a　sort　of　jealousy。　Then　there　are　others　who　will　not　permit　any　opinion　of　their　own　to　be　discussed；　to　whom　it　is　a　personal　affront　to　do　this。　What　we　call　urbanity　is　tolerance　of　other　opinions；　what　we　call　reasonableness　is　the　willingness　to　change　opinions　if　convinced。　What　we　call　vacillation　is　to　have　no　fixed　opinion；　to　be　influenced　at　once　by　the　opinions　of　others。　The　pleasure　sought　in　argument　is　a　victory　for　our　opinions　and　thus　for　ourselves。　Here　Montaigne's　wisdom　aptly　expresses　itself：　〃We　deride　ourselves　a　hundred　times　when　we　mock　our　neighbor。〃　He　is　stubborn　and　unreasonable　who　does　not　agree　with　us。　〃Be　reasonable；〃　cry　the　unreasonable　as　they　argue。　〃How　stubborn　and　pigheaded　you　are；〃　say　those　inaccessible　to　reason。　The　difficulty　in　reaching　a　true　estimate　of　the　world；　ourselves　and　our　neighbors　lies　in　the　egoism　which　permeates　our　beliefs　and　opinions。　A　second　direction　of　the　impulse　to　superiority　is　personal　beauty。　Not　only　does　the　young　girl　（or　any　other；　male　or　female）　dress　and　adorn　herself　to　attract　those　whose　good　opinion　she　seeks；　but　also　she