the foundations of personality-第62章

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est　of　the　wide　striving　world。　Men　grow　hard；　even　if　philanthropists；　in　too　excessive　a　devotion　to　a　purpose；　and　soon　it　is　their　master；　and　they　are　its　slaves。　Happy　is　he　who　can　follow　his　purpose　efficiently　and　earnestly；　but　who　can　find　interest　in　many　things；　pleasure　in　the　wide　range　of　joys　the　world　offers　and　a　youthful　curiosity　and　zest　in　the　new。　Every　human　being；　no　matter　how　civilized　and　unified；　how　modern　and　social　in　his　conduct；　has　within　him　a　core　of　uncivilized；　disintegrating；　ancient　and　egoistic　desires　and　purposes。　〃I　feel　two　natures　struggling　within　me〃　is　the　epitome　of　every　man's　life。　This　is　what　has　been　called　conflict　by　the　psychoanalysts；　and　my　own　disagreement　with　them　is　that　I　believe　it　to　be　distinctly　conscious　in　the　main。　A　man　knows　that　the　pretty　young　girls　he　meets　tempt　him　from　his　allegiance　to　his　wife　and　his　desires　to　be　good；　a　woman　knows　that　the　prosaic　husband　no　longer　pleases；　and　why　he　does　not　please；only　if　you　ask　either　of　them　bluntly　and　directly　they　will　deny　their　difficulties。　The　organic　activities　of　the　body；　basic　in　desire　of　all　kinds；　are　crude　and　give　rise　to　crude　forbidden　wishes；　but　the　struggle　that　goes　on　is　repressed；　rebelled　against　and　gives　rise　to　trains　of　secondary　symptoms；fatigue；　headache；　indigestion；　weariness　of　life　and　many　other　complaints。　It　is　perfectly　proper　to　complain　of　headache；　but　it　is　a　humiliation　to　say　that　you　have　chosen　wrongly　in　marriage；　or　that　you　are　essentially　polygamous；　or　that　an　eight…hour　day　of　work　at　clerking　or　bookkeeping　disgusts　and　bores　you。　People　complain　of　that　which　is　proper　and　allows　them　to　maintain　self…respect；　but　they　hide　that　which　may　lower　them　in　the　eyes　of　others。　Gain　their　confidence；　show　that　you　see　deeper　than　their　words　and　you　get　revelations　that　need　no　psychoanalytic　technique　to　elicit　and　which　are　distinctly　conscious。　This　brings　me　to　the　point　that　the　constant　inhibition；　blocking　and　balking　of　desires　and　wishes；　though　in　part　socially　necessary　and　ethically　justifiable；　is　decidedly　wearisome；　at　times　to　all；　and　to　many　at　all　times。　It　seems　so　easy　and　pleasant　to　relax　in　purposes；　in　morals；　in　thought；　to　be　a　vagrant　spirit　seeking　nothing　but　the　pleasures　right　at　hand；　to　be　like　a　traditional　bee　flitting　from　the　rose　to　rose　of　desire。　（Only　the　bee　is　a　decidedly　purposive　creature；　out　for　business　not　pleasure。）　〃Why　all　this　striving　and　self…control？〃　cries　the　unorganized　in　all　of　us。　〃Why　build　up　when　Death　tears　down？〃　cries　the　pessimist　in　our　hearts。　Great　epochs　in　history　are　marked　by　different　answers　to　these　questions；　and　in　our　own　civilization　there　has　grown　up　a　belief　that　bodily　pleasure　in　itself　is　wrong；　that　life　is　vanity　unless　yoked　to　service　and　effort。　The　Puritan　idea　that　we　best　serve　God　in　this　way　has　been　modified　by　a　more　skeptical　idea　that　we　serve　man　by　swinging　our　efforts　away　from　bodily　pleasure　and　toward　work；　organized　to　some　good　end；　but　essentially　the　idea　of　inhibition；　control；　as　the　highest　virtue；　remains。　Such　an　ideal　gains　force　for　a　time；　then　grows　too　wearisome；　too　extreme；　and　a　generation　grows　up　that　throws　it　off　and　seeks　pleasure　frankly；　paints；　powders；　dances；　sings；　develops　the　art　of　〃living；〃　indulges　the　sense；　becomes　loose　in　morals；　and　hyperesthetic　and　over…refined　in　tastes。　Then　the　ennui；　boredom　and　disgust　that　always　follow　sensual　pleasures　become　diffuse；　happiness　cannot　come　through　the　seeking　of　pleasure　and　excitement　and　anhedonia　of　the　exhausted　type　arises。　Preachers；　prophets；　seers　and　poets　vigorously　proclaim　the　futility　of　pleasure；　and　the　happiness　of　service；　inhibition　comes　into　its　own　again　and　a　Puritan　cycle　recommences。　Stoic；　epicurean；　Roman　republic；　Roman　empire；　Puritan　England；　Restoration；　Victorian　days；　early　twentieth　century；　for　to…day　we　are　surging　into　an　era　of　revolt　against　form；　custom；　tradition；　in　a　word　against　inhibition。　As　with　periods；　so　with　people；　self…indulgence；　i。　e。；　indulgence　of　the　passing　desires；　follows　the　idealism　of　adolescence。　Youth　sows　its　wild　oats。　Then　the　steadying　purposes　appear　partly　because　the　pleasure　of　indulgence　passes。　Marriage；　responsibility；　straining　effort　mark　the　passing　of　ten　or　a　dozen　years；　then　in　middle　life；　and　often　before；　things　get　flat　and　without　savor；　monotony　creeps　in　and　a　curiosity　as　to　the　possibilities　of　pleasure　formerly　experienced　is　awakened。　（I　believe　that　most　of　the　sexual　unfaithfulness　in　men　and　women　over　thirty　springs　not　from　passion　but　from　curiosity。）　There　occurs　a　dangerous　age　in　the　late　thirties　and　early　forties；　one　in　which　self…indulgence　makes　itself　clamorous。　The　monotony　of　labor；　the　fatigue　of　inhibition　make　themselves　felt；　and　at　this　time　men　（and　women）　need　to　add　relaxation　and　pleasure　of　a　legitimate　kind。　Golf；　the　fishing　trip；　games　of　all　kinds；　legitimate　excitement　which　need　not　be　inhibited　is　necessary。　This　need　of　excitement　without　inhibition　is　behind　most　of　the　gambling　and　card　playing；　it　explains　the　extraordinary　attraction　of　the　detective　story　and　the　thrilling　movies；　it　gives　great　social　value　to　the　prize　fight　and　the　ball　game　where　you　may　see　the　staid　and　the　sober　giving　vent　to　an　excitement　that；　may　fatigue　them　for　a　time　but　which　clears　the　way　for　their　next　day's　inhibitions。　Unfortunately　too　many　mistake　excitement　for　happiness。　The　forms　of　relief　from　inhibitioncard　playing；　sports；　the　theater；　the　thrilling　story　and　the　moviegrow　to　be　habits　and　lose　their　exciting　value。　They　can　give　no　permanent　relief　from　the　pain　of　repression；　only　a　philosophy　of　life　can　do　that。　A　philosophy　of　life！　One　might　write　a　few　volumes　on　that　（and　there　are　so　many　great　philosophers　already　on　the　market）；　and　yet　such　a　philosophy　would　only　state　that　strenuous　purpose　must　alternate　with　quiet　relaxation；　excitement　is　to　be　sought　only　at　periods　and　never　for　any　length　of　time；　relief　from　inhibitions　can　only　be　found　in　legitimate　ways　or　self…reproach　enters。　Play；　sports；　short　frequent　vacations　rather　than　long　ones；　freedom　from　ceremony　as　a　rulebut　now　and　then　a　full　indulgence　in　ceremonialsand　a　realization　that　there　is　no　freedom　in　self…indulgence。　I　remember　one　Puritanically　bred　young　woman　who　fled　from　her　restrictions　and　inhibitions　and　joined　a　〃free　love〃　colony　in　New　York。　After　two　years　she　left；　them　and　came　back　to　New　England。　Her　statement　of　the　situation　she　found　herself；　it　summarizes　all　attempts　at　〃freedom。〃　〃It　wasn't　freedom。　You　found　yourself　bound　to　your　desires；　a　slave　to　every　wish。　It　grew　awfully　tiresome　and　besides；　it　brought　so　many　complications。　Sometimes　you　loved　where　you　weren't　lovedand　vice　versa。　Jealousy　was　there；　oh；　so　much　of　itand　pleasure　disappeared　after　a　while。　It　wasn't　conscienceI　still　believe　that　right　and　wrong　are　arbitrary　matters　but　I　found　myself　envying　people　who　had　some　guide；　some　belief；　some　restrictions　in　themselves！　For　it　seemed　to　me　they　were　more　free　than　I。〃　The　fact　is；　for　most　men　and　women　inhibitio