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After dinner we withdrew into another apartment； where the boy
began to be impertinently troublesome to my niece Liddy。 He
wanted a playfellow； forsooth； and would have romped with her；
had she encouraged his advances He was even so impudent as to
snatch a kiss； at which she changed countenance； and seemed
uneasy； and though his father checked him for the rudeness of his
behaviour； he became so outrageous as to thrust his hand in her
bosom： an insult to which she did not tamely submit； though one
of the mildest creatures upon earth。 Her eyes sparkling with
resentment； she started up； and lent him such a box in the ear；
as sent him staggering to the other side of the room。
'Miss Melford （cried his father）； you have treated him with the
utmost propriety I am only sorry that the impertinence of any
child of mine should have occasioned this exertion of your spirit；
which I cannot but applaud and admire。' His wife was so far
from assenting to the candour of his apology； that she rose from
the table； and； taking her son by the hand； 'Come； child （said
she）； your father cannot abide you。' So saying； she retired with
this hopeful youth； and was followed by her gouvernante： but
neither the one nor the other deigned to take the least notice of
the company。
Baynard was exceedingly disconcerted； but I perceived his
uneasiness was tinctured with resentment； and derived a good omen
from this discovery。 I ordered the horses to be put to the
carriage； and； though he made some efforts to detain us all
night； I insisted upon leaving the house immediately； but； before
I went away； I took an opportunity of speaking to him again in
private。 I said every thing I could recollect； to animate his
endeavours in shaking off those shameful trammels。 I made no
scruple to declare； that his wife was unworthy of that tender
complaisance which he had shewn for her foibles： that she was
dead to all the genuine sentiments of conjugal affection；
insensible of her own honour and interest； and seemingly
destitute of common sense and reflection。 I conjured him to
remember what he owed to his father's house； to his own
reputation； and to his family； including even this unreasonable
woman herself； who was driving on blindly to her own destruction。
I advised him to form a plan for retrenching superfluous expence；
and try to convince the aunt of the necessity for such a
reformation； that she might gradually prepare her niece for its
execution； and I exhorted him to turn that disagreeable piece of
formality out of the house； if he should find her averse to his
proposal。
Here he interrupted me with a sigh； observing that such a step
would undoubtedly be fatal to Mrs Baynard 'I shall lose all
patience （cried I）； to hear you talk so weakly Mrs Baynard's
fits will never hurt her constitution。 I believe in my conscience
they are all affected： I am sure she has no feeling for your
distresses； and； when you are ruined； she will appear to have no
feeling for her own。' Finally； I took his word and honour that he
would make an effort； such as I had advised； that he would form a
plan of oeconomy； and； if he found it impracticable without my
assistance； he would come to Bath in the winter； where I promised
to give him the meeting； and contribute all in my power to the
retrieval of his affairs With this mutual engagement we parted；
and I shall think myself supremely happy； if； by my means； a
worthy man； whom I love and esteem； can be saved from misery；
disgrace； and despair。
I have only one friend more to visit in this part of the country；
but he is of a complexion very different from that of Baynard。
You have heard me mention Sir Thomas Bullford； whom I knew in
Italy。 He is now become a country gentleman； but； being disabled
by the gout from enjoying any amusement abroad； he entertains
himself within doors； by keeping open house for all corners； and
playing upon the oddities and humours of his company： but he
himself is generally the greatest original at his table。 He is
very good…humoured； talks much； and laughs without ceasing。 I am
told that all the use he makes of his understanding at present；
is to excite mirth； by exhibiting his guests in ludicrous
attitudes。 I know not how far we may furnish him with
entertainment of this kind； but I am resolved to beat up his
quarters； partly with a view to laugh with the knight himself；
and partly to pay my respects to his lady； a good…natured
sensible woman； with whom he lives upon very easy terms； although
she has not had the good fortune to bring him an heir to his
estate。
And now； dear Dick； I must tell you for your comfort； that you
are the only man upon earth to whom I would presume to send such
a longwinded epistle； which I could not find in my heart to
curtail； because the subject interested the warmest passions of
my heart； neither will I make any other apology to a
correspondent who has been so long accustomed to the impertinence
of
MATT。 BRAMBLE
Sept。 30。
To Sir WATKIN PHILLIPS； Bart。 at Oxon。
DEAR KNIGHT；
I believe there is something mischievous in my disposition； for
nothing diverts me so much as to see certain characters tormented
with false terrors。 We last night lodged at the house of Sir
Thomas Bullford； an old friend of my uncle； a jolly fellow； of
moderate intellects； who； in spite of the gout； which hath lamed
him； is resolved to be merry to the last； and mirth he has a
particular knack in extracting from his guests； let their humour
be ever so caustic or refractory。 Besides our company； there was
in the house a fat…headed justice of the peace； called Frogmore；
and a country practitioner in surgery； who seemed to be our
landlord's chief companion and confidant。 We found the knight
sitting on a couch； with his crutches by his side； and his feet
supported on cushions； but he received us with a hearty welcome；
and seemed greatly rejoiced at our arrival。 After tea； we were
entertained with a sonata on the harpsichord by lady Bullford；
who sung and played to admiration； but Sir Thomas seemed to be a
little asinine in the article of ears； though he affected to be
in raptures； and begged his wife to favour us with an arietta of
her own composing。 This arietta； however； she no sooner began to
perform； than he and the justice fell asleep； but the moment she
ceased playing； the knight waked snorting； and exclaimed； 'O
cara！ what d'ye think； gentlemen？ Will you talk any more of your
Pargolesi and your Corelli？' At the same time； he thrust his
tongue in one cheek； and leered with one eye at the doctor and
me； who sat on his left hand。 He concluded the pantomime with a
loud laugh； which he could command at all times extempore。
Notwithstanding his disorder； he did not do penance at supper；
nor did he ever refuse his glass when the toast went round； but
rather encouraged a quick circulation； both by precept and
example。
I soon perceived the doctor had made himself very necessary to
the baronet。 He was the whetstone of his wit； the butt of his
satire； and his operator in certain experiments of humour； which
were occasionally tried upon strangers。 Justice Frogmore was an
excellent