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from the shock of these disclosures。 〃I would suggest that you go to
Doctor Z； at such…and…such an address。 You are exactly in Z's line。 I'll
let him know that you are coming and when； and I'll send him down my
diagnosis。〃
So that same afternoon； the appointment having been made by
telephone； I went； full of quavery emotions； to Doctor Z's place。 As soon
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as I was inside his outer hallway； I realized that I was nearing the presence
of one highly distinguished in his profession。
A pussy…footed male attendant； in a livery that made him look like a
cross between a headwaiter and an undertaker's assistant； escorted me
through an anteroom into a reception…room； where a considerable number
of well…dressed men and women were sitting about in strained attitudes；
pretending to read magazines while they waited their turns； but in reality
furtively watching one another。
I sat down in a convenient chair； adhering fast to my hat and my
umbrella。 They were the only friends I had there and I was determined
not to lose them without a struggle。 On the wall were many colored
charts showing various portions of the human anatomy and what ailed
them。 Directly in front of me was a very thrilling illustration； evidently
copied from an oil painting； of a liver in a bad state of repair。 I said to
myself that if I had a liver like that one I should keep it hidden from the
public eyeI would never permit it to sit for it's portrait。 Still； there is no
accounting for tastes。 I know a man who got his spleen back from the
doctors and now keeps it in a bottle of alcohol on the what…not in the
parlor； as one of his most treasured possessions； and sometimes shows it to
visitors。 He； however； is of a very saving disposition。
Presently a lady secretary； who sat behind a roll…top desk in a corner of
the room； lifted a forefinger and silently beckoned me to her side。 I
moved over and sat down by her； she took down my name and my age and
my weight and my height； and a number of other interesting facts that will
come in very handy should anyone ever be moved to write a complete
history of my early life。 In common with Doctor X she shared one
attributeshe manifested a deep curiosity regarding my forefathers
wanted to know all about them。 I felt that this was carrying the thing too
far。 I felt like saying to her：
〃Miss or madam； so far as I know there is nothing the matter with my
ancestors of the second and third generations back； except that they are
dead。 I am not here to seek medical assistance for a grandparent who
succumbed to disappointment that time when Samuel J。 Tilden got
counted out； or for a great…grandparent who entered into Eternal Rest very
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unexpectedly and in a manner entirely uncalled for as a result of being an
innocent bystander in one of those feuds that were so popular in my native
state immediately following the Mexican War。 Leave my ancestors alone。
There is no need of your shaking my family tree in the belief that a few
overripe patients will fall out。 I aloneI； me； myselfam the present
candidate！〃
However； I refrained from making this protest audibly。 I judged she
was only going according to the ritual； and as she had a printed card； with
blanks in it ready to be filled out with details regarding the remote
members of the family connection； I humored her along。
When I could not remember something she wished to know
concerning an ancestor I supplied her with thrilling details culled from the
field of fancy。 When the card was entirely filled up she sent me back to
my old place to wait。 I waited and waited； breeding fresh ailments all the
time。 I had started out with one symptom； now if I had one I had a
million and a half。 I could feel goose flesh sprouting out all over me。 If
I had been taller I might have had more； but not otherwise。 Such is the
power of the human imagination when the surroundings are favorable to
its development。
Time passed； to me it appeared that nearly all the time there was
passed and that we were getting along toward the shank…end of the
Christian era mighty fast。 I was afraid my turn would come next and
afraid it would not。 Perhaps you know this sensation。 You get it at the
dentist's； and when you are on the list of after…dinner speakers at a large
banquet； and when you are waiting for the father of the Only Girl in the
World to make up his mind whether he is willing to try to endure you as a
son…in…law。
Then some more time passed。
One by one my companions； obeying a command； passed out through
the door at the back； vanishing out of my life forever。 None of them
returned。 I was vaguely wondering whether Doctor Z buried his dead on
the premises or had them removed by a secret passageway in the rear；
when a young woman in a nurse's costume tapped me on the shoulder
from behind。
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I jumped。 She hid a compassionate smile with her hand and told me
that the doctor would see me now。
As I rose to follow herstill clinging with the drowning man's grip of
desperation to my hat and my umbrellaI was astonished to note by a
glance at the calendar on the wall that this was still the present date。 I
thought it would be Thursday of next week at the very least。
Doctor Z also wore whiskers； carefully pointed up by an expert hedge
trimmer。 He sat at his desk； surrounded by freewill offerings from
grateful patients and by glass cases containing other things he had taken
away from them when they were not in a condition to object。 I had
expected； after all the preliminary ceremonies and delays； that we should
have a long skance together