按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
next day。
As soon as he had done this; Duty lifted up her head; and called
him。 He obeyed; and wrote to his mother。 Duty called again; and he
wrote; though with much trepidation and humiliation; to David
Elginbrod。
It was a good beginning。 He had commenced his London life in doing
what he knew he ought to do。 His trepidation in writing to David;
arose in part; it must be confessed; from the strange result of one
of the experiments at Arnstead。
This was his letter。 But he sat and meditated a long time before he
began it。
〃MY DEAR FRIEND;If I did not think you would forgive me; I should
feel; now that I have once allowed my mind to rest upon my conduct
to you; as if I could never hold up my head again。 After much
occupation of thought and feeling with other things; a season of
silence has come; and my sins look me in the face。 First of them
all is my neglect of you; to whom I owe more than to any man else;
except; perhaps; my father。 Forgive me; for forgiveness' sake。 You
know it takes a long time for a child to know its mother。 It takes
everything as a matter of course; till suddenly one day it lifts up
its eyes; and knows that a face is looking at it。 I have been like
the child towards you; but I am beginning to feel what you have been
to me。 I want to be good。 I am very lonely now in great noisy
London。 Write to me; if you please; and comfort me。 I wish I were
as good as you。 Then everything would go right with me。 Do not
suppose that I am in great trouble of any kind。 As yet I am very
comfortable; as far as external circumstances go。 But I have a kind
of aching inside me。 Something is not right; and I want your help。
You will know what I mean。 What am I to do? Please to remember me
in the kindest; most grateful manner to Mrs。 Elginbrod and Margaret。
It is more than I deserve; but I hope they have not forgotten me as
I have seemed to forget them。
〃I am; my dear Mr。 Elginbrod;
〃Your old friend;
〃HUGH SUTHERLAND。〃
I may as well insert here another letter; which arrived at
Turriepuffit; likewise addressed to David; some six weeks after the
foregoing。 They were both taken to Janet; of course:
〃SIR;I have heard from one who knows you; that you believereally
believe in God。 That is why I write to you。 It may seem very
strange in me to do so; but how can I help it? I am a very unhappy
woman; for I am in the power of a bad man。 I cannot explain it all
to you; and I will not attempt it; for sometimes I almost think I am
out of my mind; and that it is all a delusion。 But; alas! delusion
or not; it is a dreadful reality to me in all its consequences。 It
is of such a nature that no one can help mebut God; if there be a
God; and if you can make me believe that there is a God; I shall not
need to be persuaded that he will help me; for I will besiege him
with prayers night and day to set me free。 And even if I am out of
my mind; who can help me but him? Ah! is it not when we are driven
to despair; when there is no more help anywhere; that we look around
for some power of good that can put right all that is wrong? Tell
me; dear sir; what to do。 Tell me that there certainly is a God;
else I shall die raving。 He said you knew about him better than
anybody else。
〃I am; honoured Sir;
〃Your obedient servant;
〃EUPHRASIA CAMERON。
〃Arnstead; Surrey; &c。; &c。〃
David's answer to this letter; would have been something worth
having。 But I think it would have been all summed up in one word:
Try and see: call and listen。
But what could Janet do with such letters? She did the only thing
she could: she sent them to Margaret。
Hugh found it no great hardship to go to bed in the same room in
which he sat。 The bed looked peculiarly inviting; for; strange to
tell; it was actually hung with the same pattern of old…fashioned
chintz; as the bed which had been his from his earliest
recollection; till he left his father's house。 How could he mistake
the trees; growing with tufts to the ground; or the great birds
which he used to think were crows; notwithstanding their red and
yellow plumage? It was all over red; brown; and yellow。 He could
remember; and reconstruct the very faces; distorted and awful;
which; in the delirium of childish sicknesses; he used to discover
in the foliage and stems of the trees。 It made the whole place seem
to him homely and kind。 When he got tired; he knelt by his bedside;
which he had not done for a long time; and then went to bed。
Hardship! No。 It was very pleasant to see the dying fire; and his
books about and his papers; and to dream; half…asleep and
half…awake; that the house…fairies were stealing out to gambol for a
little in the fire…lighted silence of the room as he slept; and to
vanish as the embers turned black。 He had not been so happy for a
long time as now。 The writing of that letter had removed a load
from his heart。 True; we can never be at peace till we have
performed the highest duty of alltill we have arisen; and gone to
our Father; but the performance of smaller duties; yes; even of the
smallest; will do more to give us temporary repose; will act more as
healthful anodynes; than the greatest joys that can come to us from
any other quarter。 He soon fell asleep; and dreamed that he was a
little child lost in a snow…storm; and that just as the snow had
reached above his head; and he was beginning to be smothered; a
great hand caught hold of him by the arm and lifted him out; and;
lo! the storm had ceased; and the stars were sparkling overhead like
diamonds that had been drinking the light of the sun all day; and he
saw that it was David; as strong as ever; who had rescued him; the
little child; and was leading him home to Janet。 But he got sleepy
and faint upon the way; which was long and cold; and then David
lifted him up and carried him in his bosom; and he fell asleep。
When he woke; and; opening his eyes; looked up to him who bore him;
it was David no longer。 The face was that which was marred more
than any man's; because the soul within had loved more; it was the
face of the Son of Man; and he was carrying him like a lamb in his
bosom。 He gazed more and more as they travelled through the cold
night; and the joy of lying in the embrace of that man; grew and
grew; till it became too strong for the bonds of sleep; and he awoke
in the fog of a London morning。
CHAPTER III。
ENDEAVOURS。
And; even should misfortunes come;
I; here wha sit; hae met wi' some;
An's thankfu' for them yet。
They gie the wit of age to youth;
They let us ken oursel';
They mak' us see the naked truth;
The real guid and ill。
Tho' losses; and crosses;
Be lessons right severe;
There's wit there; ye'll get there;
Ye'll find nae other where。
BURNS。
Hugh took his advertisement to the Times office; and paid what
seemed to him an awful amount for its insertion。 Then he wandered
about London till the middle of the day; when he went into a baker's
shop; and bought two penny loaves; which he put in his pocket。
Having found his way to the British Museum; he devoured them at his
leisure as he walked through the Grecian and