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by anyone。
〃He has told me more than a hundred pretty things that I cannot
repeat to you; and at which you yourself would be surprised: he did
not want to let me go; he wanted to make me sit up with him all
night。 As for me; I pretended to believe everything; and I seemed to
interest myself really in him。 Besides; I have never seen him so
small and humble; and if I had not known how easily his heart
overflows; and how mine is impervious to every other arrow than those
with which you have wounded it; I believe that I should have allowed
myself to soften; but lest that should alarm you; I would die rather
than give up what I have promised you。 As for you; be sure to act in
the same way towards those traitors who will do all they can to
separate you from me。 I believe that all those people have been cast
in the same mould: this one always has a tear in his eye; he bows
down before everyone; from the greatest to the smallest; he wishes to
interest them in his favour; and make himself pitied。 His father
threw up blood to…day through the nose and mouth; think what these
symptoms mean。 I have not seen him yet; for he keeps to the house。
The king wants me to feed him myself; he won't eat unless I do。 But;
whatever I may do; you will be deceived by it no more than I shall be
deceiving myself。 We are united; you and I; to two kinds of very
detestable people 'Mary means Miss Huntly; Bothwell's wife; whom he
repudiated; at the king's death; to marry the queen。': that hell may
sever these knots then; and that heaven may form better ones; that
nothing can break; that it may make of us the most tender and
faithful couple that ever was; there is the profession of faith in
which I would die。
〃Excuse my scrawl: you must guess more than the half of it; but I
know no help for this。 I am obliged to write to you hastily while
everyone is asleep here: but be easy; I take infinite pleasure in my
watch; for I cannot sleep like the others; not being able to sleep as
I would likethat is to say; in your arms。
〃I am going to get into bed; I shall finish my letter tomorrow: I
have too many things to tell to you; the night is too far advanced:
imagine my despair。 It is to you I am writing; it is of myself that
I converse with you; and I am obliged to make an end。
〃I cannot prevent myself; however; from filling up hastily the rest
of my paper。 Cursed be the crazy creature who torments me so much!
Were it not for him; I could talk to you of more agreeable things: he
is not greatly changed; and yet he has taken a great deal o f %t。
But he has nearly killed me with the fetid smell of his breath; for
now his is still worse than your cousin's: you guess that this is a
fresh reason for my not approaching him; on the contrary; I go away
as far as I can; and sit on a chair at the foot of his bed。
〃Let us see if I forget anything。
His father's messenger on the road;
The question about Joachim;
The…state of my house;
The people of my suite;
Subject of my arrival;
Joseph;
Conversation between him and me;
His desire to please me and his repentance;
The explanation of his letter;
Mr。 Livingston。
〃Ah! I was forgetting that。 Yesterday Livingston during supper told
de Rere in a low voice to drink to the health of one I knew well; and
to beg me to do him the honour。 After supper; as I was leaning on
his shoulder near the fire; he said to me; 'Is it not true that there
are visits very agreeable for those who pay them and those who
receive them? But; however satisfied they seem with your arrival; I
challenge their delight to equal the grief of one whom you have left
alone to…day; and who will never be content till he sees you again。'
I asked him of whom he wished to speak to me。 He then answered me by
pressing my arm: 'Of one of those who have not followed you; and
among those it is easy for you to guess of whom I want to speak。'
〃I have worked till two o'clock at the bracelet; I have enclosed a
little key which is attached by two strings: it is not as well worked
as I should like; but I have not had time to make it better; I will
make you a finer one on the first occasion。 Take care that it is not
seen on you; for I have worked at it before everyone; and it would be
recognised to a certainty。
〃I always return; in spite of myself; to the frightful attempt that
you advise。 You compel me to concealments; and above all to
treacheries that make me shudder; I would rather die; believe me;
than do such things; for it makes my heart bleed。 He does not want
to follow me unless I promise him to have the selfsame bed and board
with him as before; and not to abandon him so often。 If I consent to
it; he says he will do all I wish; and will follow me everywhere; but
he has begged me to put off my departure for two days。 I have
pretended to agree to all he wishes; but I have told him not to speak
of our reconciliation to anyone; for fear it should make some lords
uneasy。 At last I shall take him everywhere I wish。。。。 Alas! I have
never deceived anyone; but what would I not do to please you?
Command; and whatever happens; I shall obey。 But see yourself if one
could not contrive some secret means in the shape of a remedy。 He
must purge himself at Craigmiller and take baths there; he will be
some days without going out。 So far as I can see; he is very uneasy;
but he has great trust in what I tell him: however; his confidence
does not go so far as to allow him to open his mind to me。 If you
like; I will tell him every thing: I can have no pleasure in
deceiving someone who is trusting。 However; it will be just as you
wish: do not esteem me the less for that。 It is you advised it;
never would vengeance have taken me so far。 Sometimes he attacks me
in a very sensitive place; and he touches me to the quick when he
tells me that his crimes are known; but that every day greater ones
are committed that one uselessly attempts to hide; since all crimes;
whatsoever they be; great or small; come to men's knowledge and form
the common subject of their discourse。 He adds sometimes; in
speaking to me of Madame de Rere; 'I wish her services may do you
honour。' He has assured me that many people thought; and that he
thought himself; that I was not my own mistress; this is doubtless
because I had rejected the conditions he offered me。 Finally; it is
certain that he is very uneasy about you know what; and that he even
suspects that his life is aimed at。 He is in despair whenever the
conversation turns on you; Livingston; and my brother。 However; he
says neither good nor ill of absent people; but; on the contrary; he
always avoids speaking of them。 His father keeps to the house: I
have not seen him yet。 A number of the Hamiltons are here; and
accompany me everywhere; all the friends of the other one follow me
each time I go to see him。 He has begged me to be at his risin