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little dorrit-信丽(英文版)-第245章

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fingers busy at their old work……though she was not so absorbed in it;
but that her passionate eyes were often raised to his face; and; when
they drooped again had tears in them……to be so consoled and forted;
and to believe that all the devotion of this great nature was turned to
him in his adversity to pour out its inexhaustible wealth of goodness
upon him; did not steady Clennam's trembling voice or hand; or
strengthen him in his weakness。 Yet it inspired him with an inward
fortitude; that rose with his love。 And how dearly he loved her now;
what words can tell!

As they sat side by side in the shadow of the wall; the shadow fell like
light upon him。 She would not let him speak much; and he lay back in
his chair; looking at her。 Now and again she would rise and give him
the glass that he might drink; or would smooth the resting…place of his
head; then she would gently resume her seat by him; and bend over her
work again。

The shadow moved with the sun; but she never moved from his side; except
to wait upon him。 The sun went down and she was still there。 She had
done her work now; and her hand; faltering on the arm of his chair since
its last tending of him; was hesitating there yet。 He laid his hand upon
it; and it clasped him with a trembling supplication。

'Dear Mr Clennam; I must say something to you before I go。 I have put it
off from hour to hour; but I must say it。'

'I too; dear Little Dorrit。 I have put off what I must say。' She
nervously moved her hand towards his lips as if to stop him; then it
dropped; trembling; into its former place。

'I am not going abroad again。 My brother is; but I am not。 He was always
attached to me; and he is so grateful to me now……so much too grateful;
for it is only because I happened to be with him in his illness……that
he says I shall be free to stay where I like best; and to do what I like
best。 He only wishes me to be happy; he says。'

There was one bright star shining in the sky。 She looked up at it While
she spoke; as if it were the fervent purpose of her own heart shining
above her。

'You will understand; I dare say; without my telling you; that my
brother has e home to find my dear father's will; and to take
possession of his property。 He says; if there is a will; he is sure I
shall be left rich; and if there is none; that he will make me so。'

He would have spoken; but she put up her trembling hand again; and he
stopped。


'I have no use for money; I have no wish for it。 It would be of no value
at all to me but for your sake。 I could not be rich; and you here。 I
must always be much worse than poor; with you distressed。 Will you let
me lend you all I have? Will you let me give it you? Will you let me
show you that I have never forgotten; that I never can forget; your
protection of me when this was my home? Dear Mr Clennam; make me of all
the world the happiest; by saying Yes。 Make me as happy as I can be in
leaving you here; by saying nothing to…night; and letting me go
away with the hope that you will think of it kindly; and that for my
sake……not for yours; for mine; for nobody's but mine!……you will give me
the greatest joy I can experience on earth; the joy of knowing that I
have been serviceable to you; and that I have paid some little of the
great debt of my affection and gratitude。 I can't say what I wish to
say。 I can't visit you here where I have lived so long; I can't think of
you here where I have seen so much; and be as calm and forting as I
ought。 My tears will make their way。 I cannot keep them back。 But
pray; pray; pray; do not turn from your Little Dorrit; now; in your
affliction! Pray; pray; pray; I beg you and implore you with all my
grieving heart; my friend……my dear!……take all I have; and make it a
Blessing to me!'

The star had shone on her face until now; when her face sank upon his
hand and her own。

It had grown darker when he raised her in his encircling arm; and softly
answered her。

'No; darling Little Dorrit。 No; my child。 I must not hear of such a
sacrifice。 Liberty and hope would be so dear; bought at such a price;
that I could never support their weight; never bear the reproach of
possessing them。 But with what ardent thankfulness and love I say this;
I may call Heaven to witness!'

'And yet you will not let me be faithful to you in your affliction?'

'Say; dearest Little Dorrit; and yet I will try to be faithful to you。
If; in the bygone days when this was your home and when this was your
dress; I had understood myself (I speak only of myself) better; and
had read the secrets of my own breast more distinctly; if; through my
reserve and self…mistrust; I had discerned a light that I see brightly
now when it has passed far away; and my weak footsteps can never
overtake it; if I had then known; and told you that I loved and honoured
you; not as the poor child I used to call you; but as a woman whose
true hand would raise me high above myself and make me a far happier and
better man; if I had so used the opportunity there is no recalling……as
I wish I had; O I wish I had!……and if something had kept us apart then;
when I was moderately thriving; and when you were poor; I might have met
your noble offer of your fortune; dearest girl; with other words than
these; and still have blushed to touch it。 But; as it is; I must never
touch it; never!'

She besought him; more pathetically and earnestly; with her little
supplicatory hand; than she could have done in any words。

'I am disgraced enough; my Little Dorrit。 I must not descend so low as
that; and carry you……so dear; so generous; so good……down with me。 GOD
bless you; GOD reward you! It is past。' He took her in his arms; as if
she had been his daughter。

'Always so much older; so much rougher; and so much less worthy; even
what I was must be dismissed by both of us; and you must see me only as
I am。 I put this parting kiss upon your cheek; my child……who might have
been more near to me; who never could have been more dear……a ruined man
far removed from you; for ever separated from you; whose course is
run while yours is but beginning。 I have not the courage to ask to be
forgotten by you in my humiliation; but I ask to be remembered only as I
am。'

The bell began to ring; warning visitors to depart。 He took her mantle
from the wall; and tenderly wrapped it round her。

'One other word; my Little Dorrit。 A hard one to me; but it is a
necessary one。 The time when you and this prison had anything in mon
has long gone by。 Do you understand?'

'O! you will never say to me;' she cried; weeping bitterly; and holding
up her clasped hands in entreaty; 'that I am not to e back any more!
You will surely not desert me so!'

'I would say it; if I could; but I have not the courage quite to shut
out this dear face; and abandon all hope of its return。 But do not e
soon; do not e often! This is now a tainted place; and I well know
the taint of it clings to me。 You belong to much brighter and better
scenes。 You are not to look back here; my Little Dorrit; you are to look
away to very different and much happier paths。 Again; GOD bless you in
them! GOD reward you!'

Maggy; who had fallen into very low spi
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