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which then formed the term of its existence； as many as 5；500 and
odd。 Well； I thought when I saw 5；500 and odd days of sickness；
this is a very serious sum； but add the nights！ Add the nights …
those long； dreary hours in the twenty…four when the shadow of
death is darkest； when despondency is strongest； and when hope is
weakest； before you gauge the good that is done by this
institution； and before you gauge the good that really will be done
by every shilling that you bestow here to…night。 Add； more than
all； that the improvidence； the recklessness of the general
multitude of poor members of this profession； I should say is a
cruel； conventional fable。 Add that there is no class of society
the members of which so well help themselves； or so well help each
other。 Not in the whole grand chapters of Westminster Abbey and
York Minster； not in the whole quadrangle of the Royal Exchange；
not in the whole list of members of the Stock Exchange； not in the
Inns of Court； not in the College of Physicians； not in the College
of Surgeons； can there possibly be found more remarkable instances
of uncomplaining poverty； of cheerful； constant self…denial； of the
generous remembrance of the claims of kindred and professional
brotherhood； than will certainly be found in the dingiest and
dirtiest concert room； in the least lucid theatre … even in the
raggedest tent circus that was ever stained by weather。
I have been twitted in print before now with rather flattering
actors when I address them as one of their trustees at their
General Fund dinner。 Believe me； I flatter nobody； unless it be
sometimes myself； but； in such a company as the present； I always
feel it my manful duty to bear my testimony to this fact … first；
because it is opposed to a stupid； unfeeling libel； secondly；
because my doing so may afford some slight encouragement to the
persons who are unjustly depreciated； and lastly； and most of all；
because I know it is the truth。
Now； ladies and gentlemen； it is time we should what we
professionally call 〃ring down〃 on these remarks。 If you； such
members of the general public as are here； will only think the
great theatrical curtain has really fallen and been taken up again
for the night on that dull； dark vault which many of us know so
well； if you will only think of the theatre or other place of
entertainment as empty； if you will only think of the 〃float；〃 or
other gas…fittings； as extinguished； if you will only think of the
people who have beguiled you of an evening's care； whose little
vanities and almost childish foibles are engendered in their
competing face to face with you for your favour … surely it may be
said their feelings are partly of your making； while their virtues
are all their own。 If you will only do this； and follow them out
of that sham place into the real world； where it rains real rain；
snows real snow； and blows real wind； where people sustain
themselves by real money； which is much harder to get； much harder
to make； and very much harder to give away than the pieces of
tobacco…pipe in property bags … if you will only do this； and do it
in a really kind； considerate spirit； this society； then certain of
the result of the night's proceedings； can ask no more。 I beg to
propose to you to drink 〃Prosperity to the Dramatic； Equestrian；
and Musical Sick Fund Association。〃
＇Mr。 Dickens； in proposing the next toast； said：…＇
Gentlemen： as I addressed myself to the ladies last time； so I
address you this time； and I give you the delightful assurance that
it is positively my last appearance but one on the present
occasion。 A certain Mr。 Pepys； who was Secretary for the Admiralty
in the days of Charles II。； who kept a diary well in shorthand；
which he supposed no one could read； and which consequently remains
to this day the most honest diary known to print … Mr。 Pepys had
two special and very strong likings； the ladies and the theatres。
But Mr。 Pepys； whenever he committed any slight act of remissness；
or any little peccadillo which was utterly and wholly untheatrical；
used to comfort his conscience by recording a vow that he would
abstain from the theatres for a certain time。 In the first part of
Mr。 Pepys' character I have no doubt we fully agree with him； in
the second I have no doubt we do not。
I learn this experience of Mr。 Pepys from remembrance of a passage
in his diary that I was reading the other night； from which it
appears that he was not only curious in plays； but curious in
sermons； and that one night when he happened to be walking past St。
Dunstan's Church； he turned； went in； and heard what he calls 〃a
very edifying discourse；〃 during the delivery of which discourse；
he notes in his diary … 〃I stood by a pretty young maid； whom I did
attempt to take by the hand。〃 But he adds … 〃She would not； and I
did perceive that she had pins in her pocket with which to prick me
if I should touch her again … and was glad that I spied her
design。〃 Afterwards； about the close of the same edifying
discourse； Mr。 Pepys found himself near another pretty； fair young
maid； who would seem upon the whole to have had no pins； and to
have been more impressible。
Now； the moral of this story which I wish to suggest to you is；
that we have been this evening in St。 James's much more timid than
Mr。 Pepys was in St。 Dunstan's； and that we have conducted
ourselves very much better。 As a slight recompense to us for our
highly meritorious conduct； and as a little relief to our over…
charged hearts； I beg to propose that we devote this bumper to
invoking a blessing on the ladies。 It is the privilege of this
society annually to hear a lady speak for her own sex。 Who so
competent to do this as Mrs。 Stirling？ Surely one who has so
gracefully and captivatingly； with such an exquisite mixture of
art； and fancy； and fidelity； represented her own sex in
innumerable charities； under an infinite variety of phases； cannot
fail to represent them well in her own character； especially when
it is； amidst her many triumphs； the most agreeable of all。 I beg
to propose to you 〃The Ladies；〃 and I will couple with that toast
the name of Mrs。 Stirling。
SPEECH： LONDON； MARCH 28； 1866。
＇The following speech was made by Mr。 Dickens at the Annual
Festival of the Royal General Theatrical Fund； held at the
Freemasons' Tavern； in proposing the health of the Lord Mayor （Sir
Benjamin Phillips）； who occupied the chair。＇
GENTLEMEN； in my childish days I remember to have had a vague but
profound admiration for a certain legendary person called the Lord
Mayor's fool。 I had the highest opinion of the intellectual
capacity of that suppositious retainer of the Mansion House； and I
really regarded him with feelings approaching to absolute
veneration； because my nurse informed me on every gastronomic
occasion that the Lord Mayor's fool liked everything that was good。
You will a