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the cost-第20章

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ooked down into empty Fifth Avenue。  When she felt that at least an hour had passed; she turned to look at the clock againtwenty…five minutes to four。  Her eyes were heavy。

〃He is not coming;〃 she said aloud; and; leaving the lights on in the sitting…room; locked herself in the bedroom。

At five o'clock she started up and seized the dressing…gown on the chair near the head of the bed。  She listenedheard him muttering in the sitting…room。  She knew now that a crash of some kind had roused her。  Several minutes of profound silence; then through the door came a steady; heavy snore。

The dressing…gown dropped from her hand。  She slid from the bed; slowly crossed the room; softly opened the door; looked into the sitting…room。  A table and a chair lay upset in the middle of the floor。  He was on a sofa; sprawling; disheveled; snoring。

Slowly she advanced toward himshe was barefooted; and the white nightgown clinging to her slender figure and the long braid down her back made her look as young as her soulthe soul that gazed from her fixed; fascinated eyes; the soul of a girl of eighteen; full as much child as woman still。  She sat down before him in a low chair; her elbows on her knees; her chin supported by her hands; her eyes never leaving his swollen; dark red; brutish facea cigar stump; much chewed; lay upon his cheek near his open mouth。  He was as absurd and as repulsive as a gorged pig asleep in a wallow。

The dawn burst into broad day; but she sat on motionless until the clock struck the half…hour after six。  Then she returned to the bedroom and locked herself in again。

Toward noon she dressed and went into the sitting…room。  He was gone and it had been put to rights。  When he came; at twenty minutes to one; she was standing at the window; but she did not turn。

〃Did you get my note?〃 he asked; in a carefully careless tone。  He went on to answer himself:  〃No; there it is on the floor just where I put it; under the bedroom door。  No matterit was only to say I had to go out but would be back to lunch。  Sorry I was kept so late last night。  Glad you didn't wait up for mebut you might have left the bedroom door openit'd have been perfectly safe。〃  He laughed good…naturedly。  〃As it was; I was so kind…hearted that I didn't disturb you; but slept on the sofa。〃

As he advanced toward her with the obvious intention of kissing her; she slowly turned and faced him。  Their eyes met and he stopped shorther look was like the eternal ice that guards the pole。

〃I saw you at the theater last night;〃 she said evenly。  〃And this morning; I sat and watched you as you lay on the sofa over there。〃

He was taken completely off his guard。  With a gasp that was a kind of groan he dropped into a chair; the surface of his mind strewn with the wreckage of the lying excuses he had got ready。

〃Please don't try to explain;〃 she went on in the same even tone。  〃I understand now aboutabout Paris andeverything。  I know thatfather was right。〃

He gave her a terrified glanceno tears; no trace of excitement; only calmness and all the strength he knew was in her nature and; in addition; a strength he had not dreamed was there。

〃What do you intend to do?〃 he asked after a long silence。

She did not answer immediately。  When she did; she was not looking at him。

〃When I married youacross the river from Battle Field;〃 she said; 〃I committed a crime against my father and mother。  This ismy punishmentthe beginning of it。  And nowthere'll be thethebaby〃  A pause; then:  〃I must bear the consequencesif I can。  But I shall not be your wifenevernever again。  If you wish me to stay on that condition; I'll try。  If not〃

〃You MUST stay; Pauline;〃 he interrupted。  〃I don't care what terms you make; you must stay。  It's no use for me to try to defend myself when you're in this mood。  You wouldn't listen。  But you're right about not going。  If you did; it'd break your father's and mother's hearts。  I admit I did drink too much last night; and made a fool of myself。  But if you were more experienced; you'd〃

He thought he had worked his courage up to the point where he could meet her eyes。  He tried it。  Her look froze his flow of words。  〃I KNOW that you were false from the beginning;〃 she said。

〃The man I thought you were never existedand I know it。  We won't speak of thiseverafter now。  Surely you can't wish me to stay?〃  And into her voice surged all her longing to go; all her hope that he would reject the only terms on which self…respect would let her stay。

〃Wish you to stay?〃 he repeated。  And he faced her; looking at her; his chest heaving under the tempest of hate and passion that was raging in himhate because she was defying and dictating to him; passion because she was so beautiful as she stood there; like a delicate; fine hot…house rose poised on a long; graceful stem。  〃No wonder I LOVE you!〃 he exclaimed between his clenched teeth。

A bright spot burned in each of her cheeks and her look made him redden and lower his eyes。

〃Now that I understand these last five months;〃 she said; 〃that from you is an insult。〃

His veins and muscles swelled with the fury he dared not show; for he saw and felt how dangerous her mood was。

〃I'll agree to whatever you like; Pauline;〃 he said humbly。  〃Only; we mustn't have a flare…up and a scandal。  I'll never speak to you again aboutabout anything you don't want to hear。〃

She went into her bedroom。  When; after half an hour; she reappeared; she was ready to go down to lunch。  In the elevator he stole a glance at herthere was no color in her face; not even in her lips。  His rage had subsided; he was ashamed of himselfbefore her。  But he felt triumphant too。

〃I thought she'd go; sure; in spite of her fear of hurting her father and mother;〃 he said to himself。  〃A mighty close squeak。  I was stepping round in a powder magazine; with every word a lit match。〃

                            In January she sank into a profound lassitude。  Nothing interested her; everything wearied her。  As the time drew near; her mother came to stay with her; and day after day the two women sat silent; Mrs。 Gardiner knitting; Pauline motionless; hands idle in her lap; mind vacant。  If she had any emotion; it was a hope that she would die and take her child with her。

〃That would settle everything; settle it right;〃 she reflected; with youth's morbid fondness for finalities。

When it was all over and she came out from under the opiate; she lay for a while; open…eyed but unseeing; too inert to grope for the lost thread of memory。  She felt a stirring in the bed beside her; the movement of some living thing。  She looked and there; squeezed into the edge of the pillow was a miniature head of a little old manwrinkled; copperish。  Yet the face was fatludicrously fat。  A painfully homely face with tears running from the closed eyes; with an open mouth that driveled and drooled。

〃What is it?〃 she thought; looking with faint curiosity。  〃And why is it here?〃

Two small fists now rose aimlessly in the air above the face and flapped about; and a very tempest of noise issued from the sagging mouth。

〃A baby;〃 she reflected。  Then memory came〃MY baby!〃

She put her finger in the way of the wandering 
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