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When I told the doctor this afternoon； he shrugged his shoulders； and observed that that was Maggie's gracious way。
〃And why do you put up with Maggie？〃 said I。
〃And where would I find any one better？〃 said he。 〃Doing the work for a lone man who comes as irregularly to meals as a twenty…four…hour day will permit is no sinecure。 She furnishes little sunshine in the home； but she does manage to produce a hot dinner at nine o'clock at night。〃
Just the same； I am willing to wager that her hot dinners are neither delicious nor well served。 She's an inefficient； lazy old termagant； and I know why she doesn't like me。 She imagines that I want to steal away the doctor and oust her from a comfortable position； something of a joke； considering。 But I am not undeceiving her； it will do the old thing good to worry a little。 She may cook him better dinners； and fatten him up a trifle。 I understand that fat men are good…natured。
TEN O'CLOCK。
I don't know what silly stuff I have been writing to you off and on all day； between interruptions。 It has got to be night at last； and I am too tired to do so much as hold up my head。 Your song tells the sad truth； 〃There is no joy in life but sleep。〃
I bid you good night。
S。 McB。
Isn't the English language absurd？ Look at those forty monosyllables in a row！
J。 G。 H。；
April 1。 Dear Judy：
I have placed out Isador Gutschneider。 His new mother is a Swedish woman； fat and smiling； with blue eyes and yellow hair。 She chose him out of the whole nurseryful of children because he was the brunettest baby there。 She has always loved brunettes； but in her most ambitious dreams has never hoped to have one of her own。 His name is going to be changed to Oscar Carlson； after his new dead uncle。
My first trustees' meeting is to occur next Wednesday。 I confess that I am not looking forward to it with impatience especially as an inaugural address by me will be its chief feature。 I wish our president were here to back me up！ But at least I am sure of one thing。 I am never going to adopt the Uriah Heepish attitude toward trustees that characterized Mrs。 Lippett's manners。 I shall treat 〃first Wednesdays〃 as a pleasant social diversion； my day at home； when the friends of the asylum gather for discussion and relaxation； and I shall endeavor not to let our pleasures discommode the orphans。 You see how I have taken to heart the unhappy experiences of that little Jerusha。
Your last letter has arrived； and no suggestion in it of traveling North。 Isn't it about time that you were turning your faces back toward Fifth Avenue？ Hame is hame； be 't ever sae hamely。 Don't you marvel at the Scotch that flows so readily from my pen？ Since being acquent' wi' Sandy； I hae gathered a muckle new vocabulary。 The dinner gong！ I leave you； to devote a revivifying half… hour to mutton hash。 We eat to live in the John Grier Home。
SIX O'CLOCK。
The Hon。 Cy has been calling again。 He drops in with great frequency； hoping to catch me IN DELICTU。 How I do not like that man！ He is a pink； fat； puffy old thing； with a pink； fat； puffy soul。 I was in a very cheery； optimistic frame of mind before his arrival； but now I shall do nothing but grumble for the rest of the day。
He deplores all of the useless innovations that I am endeavoring to introduce； such as a cheerful playroom； prettier clothes； baths； and better food and fresh air and play and fun and ice…cream and kisses。 He says that I will unfit these children to occupy the position in life that God has called them to occupy。
At that my Irish blood came to the surface； and I told him that if God had planned to make all of these 113 little children into useless； ignorant； unhappy citizens； I was going to fool God！ That we weren't educating them out of their class in the least。 We were educating them INTO their natural class much more effectually than is done in the average family。 We weren't trying to force them into college if they hadn't any brains； as happens with rich men's sons； and we weren't putting them to work at fourteen if they were naturally ambitious； as happens with poor men's sons。 We were watching them closely and individually and discovering their level。 If our children showed an aptitude to become farm laborers and nurse…maids； we were going to teach them to be the best possible farm laborers and nurse…maids； and if they showed a tendency to become lawyers； we would turn them into honest； intelligent； open…minded lawyers。 （He's a lawyer himself； but certainly not an open…minded one。）
He grunted when I had finished my remarks； and stirred his tea vigorously。 Whereupon I suggested that perhaps he needed another lump of sugar； and dropped it in； and left him to absorb it。
The only way to deal with trustees is with a firm and steady hand。 You have to keep them in their places。
Oh； my dear！ that smudge in the corner was caused by Singapore's black tongue。 He is trying to send you an affectionate kiss。 Poor Sing thinks he's a lap dogisn't it a tragedy when people mistake their vocations？ I myself am not always certain that I was born an orphan asylum superintendent。
Yours； til deth；
S。 McB。
SUPERINTENDENT'S OFFICE；
JOHN GRIER HOME；
April 4。
THE PENDLETON FAMILY；
Palm Beach； Florida。
Dear Sir and Madam：
I have weathered my first visitors' day； and made the trustees a beautiful speech。 Everybody said it was a beautiful speecheven my enemies。
Mr。 Gordon Hallock's recent visit was exceptionally opportune； I gleaned from him many suggestions as to how to carry an audience。
〃Be funny。〃I told about Sadie Kate and a few other cherubs that you don't know。
〃Keep it concrete and fitted to the intelligence of your audience。〃I watched the Hon。 Cy； and never said a thing that he couldn't understand。
〃Flatter your hearers。〃I hinted delicately that all of these new reforms were due to the wisdom and initiative of our peerless trustees。
〃Give it a high moral tone； with a dash of pathos。〃I dwelt upon the parentless condition of these little wards of Society。 And it was very affectingmy enemy wiped away a tear！
Then I fed them up on chocolate and whipped cream and lemonade and tartar sandwiches； and sent them home； expansive and beaming； but without any appetite for dinner。
I dwell thus at length upon our triumph； in order to create in you a happy frame of mind； before passing to the higeous calamity that so nearly wrecked the occasion。
〃Now follows the dim horror of my tale； And I feel I'm growing gradually pale； For； even at this day； Though its smell has passed away； When I venture to remember it； I quail！〃
You never heard of our little Tammas Kehoe； did you？ I simply haven't featured Tammas because he requires so much ink and time and vocabulary。 He's a spirite