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Ah！ I should never； never have allowed him to swear that dreadful oath。 But tears were choking my voice； and I could not say a word for insufferable joy。 I hid my blind face in my pillows； and sobbed； and sobbed again。 At last； when the first flood of my tears was over； I drew his head down to my breast。
〃Ah I 〃 said I； 〃why did you take such a terrible oath？ Do you think I asked you to marry again for your own sordid pleasure？ No！ I was thinking of myself； for she could perform those services which were mine to give you when I had my sight。〃
〃Services！ 〃 said he； 〃services！ Those can be done by servants。 Do you think I am mad enough to bring a slave into my house； and bid her share the throne with this my Goddess？〃
As he said the word 〃Goddess；〃 he held up my face in his hands； and placed a kiss between my brows。 At that moment the third eye of divine wisdom was opened； where he kissed me； and verily I had a consecration。
I said in my own mind： 〃It is well。 I am no longer able to serve him in the lower world of household cares。 But I shall rise to a higher region。 I shall bring down blessings from above。 No more lies！ No more deceptions for me！ All the littlenesses and hypocrisies of my former life shall be banished for ever！〃
That day； the whole day through； I felt a conflict going on within me。 The joy of the thought； that after this solemn oath it was impossible for my husband to marry again； fixed its roots deep in my heart； and I could not tear them out。 But the new Goddess； who had taken her new throne in me； said： 〃The time might come when it would be good for your husband to break his oath and marry again。〃 But the woman； who was within me； said： 〃That may be； but all the same an oath is an oath； and there is no way out。〃 The Goddess； who was within me； answered： 〃That is no reason why you should exult over it。〃 But the woman； who was within me； replied： 〃What you say is quite true； no doubt； all the same he has taken his oath。〃 And the same story went on again and again。 At last the Goddess frowned in silence； and the darkness of a horrible fear came down upon me。
My repentant husband would not let the servants do my work； he must do it all himself。 At first it gave me unbounded delight to be dependent on him thus for every little thing。 It was a means of keeping him by my side； and my desire to have him with me had become intense since my blindness。 That share of his presence； which my eyes had lost； my other senses craved。 When he was absent from my side； I would feel as if I were hanging in mid…air； and had lost my hold of all things tangible。
Formerly； when my husband came back late from the hospital； I used to open my window and gaze at the road。 That road was the link which connected his world with mine。 Now when I had lost that link through my blindness； all my body would go out to seek him。 The bridge that united us had given way； and there was now this unsurpassable chasm。 When he left my side the gulf seemed to yawn wide open。 I could only wait for the time when he should cross back again from his own shore to mine。
But such intense longing and such utter dependence can never be good。 A wife is a burden enough to a man； in all conscience； and to add to it the burden of this blindness was to make his life unbearable。 I vowed that I would suffer alone； and never wrap my husband round in the folds of my all…pervading darkness。
Within an incredibly short space of time I managed to train myself to do all my household duties by the help of touch and sound and smell。 In fact I soon found that I could get on with greater skill than before。 For sight often distracts rather than helps us。 And so it came to pass that； when these roving eyes of mine could do their work no longer； all the other senses took up their several duties with quietude and completeness。
When I had gained experience by constant practice； I would not let my husband do any more household duties for me。 He complained bitterly at first that I was depriving him of his penance。
This did not convince me。 Whatever he might say； I could feel that he had a real sense of relief when these household duties were over。 To serve daily a wife who is blind can never make up the life of a man。
II
My husband at last had finished his medical course。 He went away from Calcutta to a small town to practise as a doctor。 There in the country I felt with joy； through all my blindness； that I was restored to the arms of my mother。 I had left my village birthplace for Calcutta when I was eight years old。 Since then ten years had passed away； and in the great city the memory of my village home had grown dim。 As long as I had eyesight； Calcutta with its busy life screened from view the memory of my early days。 But when I lost my eyesight I knew for the first time that Calcutta allured only the eyes： it could not fill the mind。 And now； in my blindness； the scenes of my childhood shone out once more； like stars that appear one by one in the evening sky at the end of the day。
It was the beginning of November when we left Calcutta for Harsingpur。 The place was new to me； but the scents and sounds of the countryside pressed round and embraced me。 The morning breeze coming fresh from the newly ploughed land； the sweet and tender smell of the flowering mustard； the shepherd…boy's flute sounding in the distance； even the creaking noise of the bullock…cart； as it groaned over the broken village road； filled my world with delight。 The memory of my past life； with all its ineffable fragrance and sound； became a living present to me； and my blind eyes could not tell me I was wrong。 I went back； and lived over again my childhood。 Only one thing was absent： my mother was not with me。
I could see my home with the large peepul trees growing along the edge of the village pool。 I could picture in my mind's eye my old grandmother seated on the ground with her thin wisps of hair untied； warming her back in the sun as she made the little round lentil balls to
be dried and used for cooking。 But somehow I could not recall the songs she used to croon to herself in her weak and quavering voice。 In the evening； whenever I heard the lowing of cattle； I could almost watch the figure of my mother going round the sheds with lighted lamp in her hand。 The smell of the wet fodder and the pungent smoke of the straw fire would enter into my very heart。 And in the distance I seemed to hear the clanging of the temple bell wafted up by the breeze from the river bank。
Calcutta； with all its turmoil and gossip； curdles the heart。 There； all the beautiful duties of life lose their freshness and innocence。 I remember one day； when a friend of mine came in； and said to me： 〃Kumo； why don't you feel angry？ If I had been treated like you by my husband； I would never look upon his face again。〃
She tried to make me indignant； because he had been so long calling in a doctor。
〃My blindness；〃 said I； 〃was itself a sufficient evil。 Why should I make it worse by allowing hatred to grow up against my husband？〃
My friend shook her head in great contempt； when she heard such old… fashioned talk from the lips of a mer