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indeed； ignorant and imperfectthat I was like the worm…eaten rose
bud that you tossed contemptuously down where it would be trampled
under foot。 Seldom is that unfortunate little emblem of myself
out of my thoughts。 If I dared to appeal to God I would say that
he knows that I would have tried to bloom into a better life； even
though imperfectly； if some one had only thought it worth while to
show me how。 It is too late now。 Like my counterpart； that you
threw away； I shall soon be forgotten in the dust。
〃Although your estimate has been so harsh； I will not dispute it。
Circumstances have been against me from the first； and my own folly
has added whatever was wanting to confirm your unfavorable opinion。
But to…day your thoughts wronged me cruelly。 You have slain all
hope and self…respect。 I do not feel that I can live after seeing
an honorable man look at me as you looked this evening。 You believed
me capable of flying to he man who attempted your lifewho insulted
and orphan girl。 You looked at me； not as a lady； but an object
beneath contempt。 This is a humiliation that I cannot and will
not survive。 When you know that i have sought death rather than
the villain with whom you are associating me； you may think of me
more favorably。 Possibly the memory of Ida Mayhew may lead you；
when again you see a worm…eaten bud； to kill the destroyer and help
the flower to bloom as well as it can。 But now； like my emblem；
I have lost my one chance。
The night was now far spent。 Her mother； having been refused
admittance； had fumed and fretted herself to sleep。 The house was
very still。 She opened her window and looked out。 Clouds obscured
the stars； and it was exceedingly dark。
〃The long night to which I'm going will be darker still；〃 sighed
the unhappy girl。 〃Well； I will live one more day。 To…morrow I
will go out and sit in the sunlight once more。 I wish I could go
now； for already I seem to feel the chill of death。 Oh； how cold
I shall be by this time to…morrow night！〃
She shuddered as she closed the window。
After pacing her room a few moments； she exclaimed； recklessly；
〃I must sleepI must get through with the time until I bring time
to an end；〃 and she dropped a powerful opiate into a glass。
Holding it up for a moment with a smile on her fair young face that
was terrible beyond words； she said slowly；
〃After all it's only taking a little more； and thenno waking。〃
Chapter XXXVII。 Voices of Nature。
Before retiring； Ida had unfastened her door； so that her mother；
finding her sleeping； might leave her undisturbed as late as possible
the following day； and the sun was almost in mid…heaven before she
began slowly to revive from her lethargy。
But as her stupor departed she became conscious of such acute
physical and mental suffering that she almost wished she had carried
out her purpose the night before。 Her headache was equaled only by
her heartache； and her wronged； overtaxed nervous system was jangling
with torturing discord。 But with the persistence of a simple and
positive nature she resolved to carry out the tragic programme that
she had already arranged。
She was glad to find herself alone。 Her mother； with her usual
sagacity； had concluded that she would sleep off her troubles as
she often had before； and so left her to herself。
The poor； lost child made some pathetic attempts to put her little
house in order。 She destroyed all her letters。 She arranged her
drawers with many sudden rushes of tears as various articles called
up memories of earlier and happier days。 Among other things she
came across a little birthday present that her father had given
her when she was but six years of age； and she vividly recalled
the happy child she was that day。
〃Oh； that I had died then！〃 she sobbed。 〃What a wretched failure my
life has been！ Never was there a fitter emblem than the imperfect
flower he threw away。 I wish I could find the poor； withered； trampled
thing； and that he might find it in my hand with his letter。〃
She wrote a farewell to her father that was inexpressibly sad； in
which she humbly asked his forgiveness； and entreated him； as her
dying wish； to cease destroying himself with liquor。
〃But it is of no use；〃 she moaned。 〃He has lost hope and courage
like myself； and one can't bear trouble for which there is no
remedy。 I'm afraid my act will only make him do worse； but I can't
help it。〃
To her mother she wrote merely； 〃Good…by。 Think of me as well as
you can till I am forgotten。〃
Her thoughts of her mother were very bitter； for she felt that she
had been neglected as a child； and permitted to grow up so faulty
and superficial that she repelled the man her beauty might have
aided her in winning； and it was chiefly through her mother that
her last bitter and unendurable humiliation had come。
Mrs。 Mayhew bustled in from her drive with Stanton； just before
dinner； and commenced volubly：
〃Glad to see you up and looking so much better。〃 （Ida knew she
was almost ghastly pale from the effects of the opiate and her
distress； but she recognized her mother's tactics。） 〃Come now； go
down with me and make a good dinner； then a drive this afternoon；
to which Ik has invited you； and you will look like your old
beautiful self。〃
〃I do not wish to look like my old self；〃 said Ida coldly。
〃Who in the world ever looked better？〃
〃Every one who had a cultivated mind and a clear conscience。〃
〃I declare； Ida； you've changed so since you came to the country
that I can't understand you at all。〃
〃Do not try to any longer； mother； for you never will。〃
〃Won't you go down to dinner？〃
〃No。〃
〃Why not？〃
〃I don't wish to； for one thing； and I'm too ill； for another。
Send me up something； if it's not too much trouble。〃
〃I'm going to have a doctor see you this very afternoon；〃 said Mrs。
Mayhew； emphatically； as she left the room。
To do her justice she did send up a very nice dinner to Ida before
eating her own。 As far as doctors and dinners were concerned； she
could do her whole duty in an emergency。
〃Isn't Ida coming down？〃 whispered Stanton to his aunt。
〃No。 I can't make her out at all； and she looks dreadfully。 You
must go for a doctor； right after dinner。〃
Van Berg could not hear their words； but their ominous looks added
greatly to his disquietude。 He had been too ill at ease to seek
even Miss Burton's society during the morning； and had spent the
time in making a sketch of Ida as she stood in the doorway before
entering the parlor the previous evening。
But Jennie Burton did not seem to feel or resent his neglect in
the slightest degree。 Indeed； her thoughts； like his own； were
apparently engrossed with the one whose chair had been vacant so
often of late； and who； when present； seemed so unlike her former
self。
〃I