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for this earth! In fact; it was only because I and my chimney
formed no part of his ancient burden; that that stout peddler;
Atlas of old; was enabled to stand up so bravely under his pack。
The dimensions given may; perhaps; seem fabulous。 But; like those
stones at Gilgal; which Joshua set up for a memorial of having
passed over Jordan; does not my chimney remain; even unto this
day?
Very often I go down into my cellar; and attentively survey that
vast square of masonry。 I stand long; and ponder over; and
wonder at it。 It has a druidical look; away down in the
umbrageous cellar there whose numerous vaulted passages; and far
glens of gloom; resemble the dark; damp depths of primeval woods。
So strongly did this conceit steal over me; so deeply was I
penetrated with wonder at the chimney; that one daywhen I was a
little out of my mind; I now thinkgetting a spade from the
garden; I set to work; digging round the foundation; especially
at the corners thereof; obscurely prompted by dreams of striking
upon some old; earthen…worn memorial of that by…gone day; when;
into all this gloom; the light of heaven entered; as the masons
laid the foundation…stones; peradventure sweltering under an
August sun; or pelted by a March storm。 Plying my blunted spade;
how vexed was I by that ungracious interruption of a neighbor
who; calling to see me upon some business; and being informed
that I was below said I need not be troubled to come up; but he
would go down to me; and so; without ceremony; and without my
having been forewarned; suddenly discovered me; digging in my
cellar。
〃Gold digging; sir?〃
〃Nay; sir;〃 answered I; starting; 〃I was merelyahem!merelyI
say I was merely digging…round my chimney。〃
〃Ah; loosening the soil; to make it grow。 Your chimney; sir; you
regard as too small; I suppose; needing further development;
especially at the top?〃
〃Sir!〃 said I; throwing down the spade; 〃do not be personal。 I
and my chimney〃
〃Personal?〃
〃Sir; I look upon this chimney less as a pile of masonry than as
a personage。 It is the king of the house。 I am but a suffered and
inferior subject。〃
In fact; I would permit no gibes to be cast at either myself or
my chimney; and never again did my visitor refer to it in my
hearing; without coupling some compliment with the mention。 It
well deserves a respectful consideration。 There it stands;
solitary and alonenot a councilof ten flues; but; like his
sacred majesty of Russia; a unit of an autocrat。
Even to me; its dimensions; at times; seem incredible。 It does
not look so bigno; not even in the cellar。 By the mere eye; its
magnitude can be but imperfectly comprehended; because only one
side can be received at one time; and said side can only present
twelve feet; linear measure。 But then; each other side also is
twelve feet long; and the whole obviously forms a square and
twelve times twelve is one hundred and forty…four。 And so; an
adequate conception of the magnitude of this chimney is only to
be got at by a sort of process in the higher mathematics by a
method somewhat akin to those whereby the surprising distances of
fixed stars are computed。
It need hardly be said; that the walls of my house are entirely
free from fireplaces。 These all congregate in the middlein the
one grand central chimney; upon all four sides of which are
hearthstwo tiers of hearthsso that when; in the various
chambers; my family and guests are warming themselves of a cold
winter's night; just before retiring; then; though at the time
they may not be thinking so; all their faces mutually look
towards each other; yea; all their feet point to one centre; and;
when they go to sleep in their beds; they all sleep round one
warm chimney; like so many Iroquois Indians; in the woods; round
their one heap of embers。 And just as the Indians' fire serves;
not only to keep them comfortable; but also to keep off wolves;
and other savage monsters; so my chimney; by its obvious smoke at
top; keeps off prowling burglars from the townsfor what burglar
or murderer would dare break into an abode from whose chimney
issues such a continual smokebetokening that if the inmates are
not stirring; at least fires are; and in case of an alarm;
candles may readily be lighted; to say nothing of muskets。
But stately as is the chimneyyea; grand high altar as it is;
right worthy for the celebration of high mass before the Pope of
Rome; and all his cardinalsyet what is there perfect in this
world? Caius Julius Caesar; had he not been so inordinately
great; they say that Brutus; Cassius; Antony; and the rest; had
been greater。 My chimney; were it not so mighty in its magnitude;
my chambers had been larger。 How often has my wife ruefully told
me; that my chimney; like the English aristocracy; casts a
contracting shade all round it。 She avers that endless domestic
inconveniences arisemore particularly from the chimney's
stubborn central locality。 The grand objection with her is; that
it stands midway in the place where a fine entrance…hall ought to
be。 In truth; there is no hall whatever to the housenothing but
a sort of square landing…place; as you enter from the wide front
door。 A roomy enough landing…place; I admit; but not attaining to
the dignity of a hall。 Now; as the front door is precisely in the
middle of the front of the house; inwards it faces the chimney。
In fact; the opposite wall of the landing…place is formed solely
by the chimney; and hence…owing to the gradual tapering of the
chimneyis a little less than twelve feet in width。 Climbing the
chimney in this part; is the principal staircasewhich; by three
abrupt turns; and three minor landing…places; mounts to the
second floor; where; over the front door; runs a sort of narrow
gallery; something less than twelve feet long; leading to
chambers on either hand。 This gallery; of course; is railed; and
so; looking down upon the stairs; and all those landing…places
together; with the main one at bottom; resembles not a little a
balcony for musicians; in some jolly old abode; in times
Elizabethan。 Shall I tell a weakness? I cherish the cobwebs
there; and many a time arrest Biddy in the act of brushing them
with her broom; and have many a quarrel with my wife and
daughters about it。
Now the ceiling; so to speak; of the place where you enter the
house; that ceiling is; in fact; the ceiling of the second floor;
not the first。 The two floors are made one here; so that
ascending this turning stairs; you seem going up into a kind of
soaring tower; or lighthouse。 At the second landing; midway up
the chimney; is a mysterious door; entering to a mysterious
closet; and here I keep mysterious cordials; of a choice;
mysterious flavor; made so by the constant nurturing and subtle
ripening of the chimney's gentle heat; distilled through that
warm mass of masonry。 Better for wines is it than voyages to the
Indias; my chimney itself