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didn't deserve。
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
185
Her instincts were all wrong—backwards。 That must be the problem。 She didn't
recognize danger the way a human being should be able to。 She had the opposite
reaction。 Instead of running； she lingered； drawn to what should frighten her？
How could I protect her from myself when neither of us wanted that？
〃This is more complicated than I'd planned；〃 I murmured。
I could see her turning my words over in her head； and I wondered what she made
of them。 She took a breadstick and began to eat without seeming aware of the action。
She chewed for a moment； and then leaned her head to one side thoughtfully。
〃Usually you're in a better mood when your eyes are so light；〃 she said in a
casual tone。
Her observation； stated so matter of factly； left me reeling。 〃What？〃
〃You're always crabbier when your eyes are black—I expect it then。 I have a
theory about that；〃 she added lightly。
So she had come up with her own explanation。 Of course she had。 I felt a deep
sense of dread as I wondered how close she'd come to the truth。
〃More theories？〃
〃Mm…hm。〃 She chewed on another bite； entirely nonchalant。 As if she weren't
discussing the aspects of a monster with the monster himself。
〃I hope you were more creative this time？〃 I lied when she didn't continue。
What I really hoped was that she was wrong—miles wide of the mark。 〃Or are you still
stealing from comic books？〃
〃Well； no； I didn't get it from a comic book；〃 she said； a little embarrassed。 〃But
I didn't come up with it on my own； either。〃
〃And？〃 I asked between my teeth。
Surely should would not speak so calmly if she were about to scream。
As she hesitated； biting her lip； the waitress reappeared with Bella's food。 I paid
the server little attention as she set the plate in front of Bella and then asked if I wanted
anything。
I declined； but asked for more coke。 The waitress hadn't noticed the empty
glasses。 She took them and left。
〃You were saying？〃 I prompted anxiously as soon as we were alone again。
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
186
〃I'll tell you about it in the car；〃 she said in a low voice。 Ah； this would be bad。
She wasn't willing to speak her guesses around others。 〃If？〃 she tacked on suddenly。
〃There are conditions？〃 I was so tense I almost growled the words。
〃I do have a few questions； of course。〃
〃Of course；〃 I agreed； my voice hard。
Her questions would probably be enough to tell me where her thoughts were
heading。 But how would I answer them？ With responsible lies？ Or would I drive her
away with truth？ Or would I say nothing； unable to decide？
We sat in silence while the waitress replenished her supply of soda。
〃Well； go ahead；〃 I said； jaw locked； when she was gone。
〃Why are you in Port Angeles？〃
That was too easy a question—for her。 It gave away nothing； while my answer； if
truthful； would give away much too much。 Let her reveal something first。
〃Next；〃 I said。
〃But that's the easiest one！'
〃Next；〃 I said again。
She was frustrated by my refusal。 She looked away from me； down to her food。
Slowly； thinking hard； she took a bite and chewed with deliberation。 She washed it down
with more coke； and then finally looked up at me。 Her eyes were narrow with suspicion。
〃Okay then；〃 she said。 〃Let's say； hypothetically； of course；
that？someone？could know what people are thinking； read minds； you know—with just
a few exceptions。〃
It could be worse。
This explained that little half…smile in the car。 She was quick—no one else had
ever guessed this about me。 Except for Carlisle； and it had been rather obvious then； in
the beginning； when I'd answered all his thoughts as if he'd spoken them to me。 He'd
understood before I had？
This question wasn't so bad。 While it was clear that she knew that there was
something wrong with me； was not as serious as it could have been。 Mind…reading was；
after all； not a facet of the vampire cannon。 I went along with her hypothesis。
〃Just one exception；〃 I corrected。 〃Hypothetically。〃
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
187
She fought a smile—my vague honesty pleased her。 〃All right； with one
exception； then。 How does that work？ What are the limitations？ How would？that
someone？find someone else at exactly the right time？ How would he know that she was
in trouble？〃
〃Hypothetically？〃
〃Sure。〃 Her lips twitched； and her liquid brown eyes were eager。
〃Well；〃 I hesitated。 〃If？that someone？〃
〃Let's call him 'Joe；'〃 she suggested。
I had to smile at her enthusiasm。 Did she really think the truth would be a good
thing？ If my secrets were pleasant； why would I keep them from her？
〃Joe； then；〃 I agreed。 〃If Joe had been paying attention； the timing wouldn't have
needed to be quite so exact。〃 I shook my head and repressed a shudder at the thought of
how close I had been to being too late today。 〃Only you could get into trouble in a town
this small。 You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade； you
know。〃
Her lips turned down at the corners； and pouted out。 〃We were speaking of a
hypothetical case。〃
I laughed at her irritation。
Her lips； her skin？ They looked so soft。 I wanted to touch them。 I wanted to
press my fingertip against the corner of her frown and turn it up。 Impossible。 My skin
would be repellent to her。
〃Yes； we were；〃 I said； returning to the conversation before I could depress
myself too thoroughly。 〃Shall we call you 'Jane'？〃
She leaned across the table toward me； all humor and irritation gone from her
wide eyes。
〃How did you know？〃 she asked； her voice low and intense。
Should I tell her the truth？ And； if so； what portion？
I wanted to tell her。 I wanted to deserve the trust I could still see on her face。
〃You can trust me； you know；〃 she whispered； and she reached one hand forward
as if to touch my hands where they rested on top of the empty table before me。
？ 2008 Stephenie Meyer
188
I pulled them back—hating the thought of her reaction to my frigid stone skin—
and she dropped her hand。
I knew that I could trust her with protecting my secrets； she was entirely
trustworthy； good to the core。 But I couldn't trust her not to be horrified by them。 She
should be horrified。 The truth was horror。
〃I don't know if I have a choice anymore；〃 I murmured。 I remembered that I'd
once teased her by calling her 'exceptionally unobservant。' Offended her； if I'd been
judging her expressions correctly。 Well； I could right that one injustice； at least。 〃I was
wrong—you're much more observant than I gave you credit for。〃 And； though she might
not realize it； I'd given her plenty of credit already。 She missed nothing。
〃I thought you were always right；〃 she said； smiling as she teased me。
〃I used to be。〃 I used to know what I was doing。 I used to be always sure of my
course。 And now everything was chaos and tumult。
Yet I wouldn't trade it。 I didn't want the life that made sense。 Not if the chaos
meant that I could be with Bella。
〃I was wrong about you on one other thing as well；〃 I went on； setting the record
straight on ano