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〃May be； the good…man knows a deal。 He knows too much for other folks；
who can't always understand him。〃
〃I can believe it； for he thoroughly comprehends the abstruse
principles of finance。〃
〃Yes；〃 said the innkeeper； 〃and for my part； I am sorry he is a
lunatic。〃
〃A lunatic！ What do you mean？〃
〃Well； crazy；cracked； as people are when they are insane；〃 answered
Mitouflet。 〃But he is not dangerous； his wife takes care of him。 Have
you been arguing with him？〃 added the pitiless landlord； 〃that must
have been funny！〃
〃Funny！〃 cried Gaudissart。 〃Funny！ Then your Monsieur Vernier has been
making fun of me！〃
〃Did he send you there？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Wife！ wife！ come here and listen。 If Monsieur Vernier didn't take it
into his head to send this gentleman to talk to Margaritis！〃
〃What in the world did you say to each other； my dear； good Monsieur？〃
said the wife。 〃Why； he's crazy！〃
〃He sold me two casks of wine。〃
〃Did you buy them？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃But that is his delusion； he thinks he sells his wine； and he hasn't
any。〃
〃Ha！〃 snorted the traveller； 〃then I'll go straight to Monsieur
Vernier and thank him。〃
And Gaudissart departed； boiling over with rage； to shake the ex…dyer；
whom he found in his salon； laughing with a company of friends to whom
he had already recounted the tale。
〃Monsieur；〃 said the prince of travellers； darting a savage glance at
his enemy； 〃you are a scoundrel and a blackguard； and under pain of
being thought a turn…key；a species of being far below a galley…
slave；you will give me satisfaction for the insult you dared to
offer me in sending me to a man whom you knew to be a lunatic！ Do you
hear me； Monsieur Vernier； dyer？〃
Such was the harangue which Gaudissart prepared as he went along； as a
tragedian makes ready for his entrance on the scene。
〃What！〃 cried Vernier； delighted at the presence of an audience； 〃do
you think we have no right to make fun of a man who comes here； bag
and baggage； and demands that we hand over our property because；
forsooth； he is pleased to call us great men； painters； artists；
poets；mixing us up gratuitously with a set of fools who have neither
house nor home； nor sous nor sense？ Why should we put up with a rascal
who comes here and wants us to feather his nest by subscribing to a
newspaper which preaches a new religion whose first doctrine is； if
you please； that we are not to inherit from our fathers and mothers？
On my sacred word of honor； Pere Margaritis said things a great deal
more sensible。 And now； what are you complaining about？ You and
Margaritis seemed to understand each other。 The gentlemen here present
can testify that if you had talked to the whole canton you couldn't
have been as well understood。〃
〃That's all very well for you to say； but I have been insulted；
Monsieur； and I demand satisfaction！〃
〃Very good； Monsieur！ consider yourself insulted； if you like。 I shall
not give you satisfaction； because there is neither rhyme nor reason
nor satisfaction to be found in the whole business。 What an absurd
fool he is； to be sure！〃
At these words Gaudissart flew at the dyer to give him a slap on the
face； but the listening crowd rushed between them； so that the
illustrious traveller only contrived to knock off the wig of his
enemy； which fell on the head of Mademoiselle Clara Vernier。
〃If you are not satisfied； Monsieur；〃 he said； 〃I shall be at the
Soleil d'Or until to…morrow morning； and you will find me ready to
show you what it means to give satisfaction。 I fought in July；
Monsieur。〃
〃And you shall fight in Vouvray；〃 answered the dyer； 〃and what is
more； you shall stay here longer than you imagine。〃
Gaudissart marched off； turning over in his mind this prophetic
remark； which seemed to him full of sinister portent。 For the first
time in his life the prince of travellers did not dine jovially。 The
whole town of Vouvray was put in a ferment about the 〃affair〃 between
Monsieur Vernier and the apostle of Saint…Simonism。 Never before had
the tragic event of a duel been so much as heard of in that benign and
happy valley。
〃Monsieur Mitouflet； I am to fight to…morrow with Monsieur Vernier；〃
said Gaudissart to his landlord。 〃I know no one here： will you be my
second？〃
〃Willingly；〃 said the host。
Gaudissart had scarcely finished his dinner before Madame Fontanieu
and the assistant…mayor of Vouvray came to the Soleil d'Or and took
Mitouflet aside。 They told him it would be a painful and injurious
thing to the whole canton if a violent death were the result of this
affair； they represented the pitiable distress of Madame Vernier； and
conjured him to find some way to arrange matters and save the credit
of the district。
〃I take it all upon myself；〃 said the sagacious landlord。
In the evening he went up to the traveller's room carrying pens； ink；
and paper。
〃What have you got there？〃 asked Gaudissart。
〃If you are going to fight to…morrow；〃 answered Mitouflet； 〃you had
better make some settlement of your affairs； and perhaps you have
letters to write；we all have beings who are dear to us。 Writing
doesn't kill； you know。 Are you a good swordsman？ Would you like to
get your hand in？ I have some foils。〃
〃Yes； gladly。〃
Mitouflet returned with foils and masks。
〃Now； then； let us see what you can do。〃
The pair put themselves on guard。 Mitouflet； with his former prowess
as grenadier of the guard； made sixty…two passes at Gaudissart； pushed
him about right and left； and finally pinned him up against the wall。
〃The deuce！ you are strong；〃 said Gaudissart； out of breath。
〃Monsieur Vernier is stronger than I am。〃
〃The devil！ Damn it； I shall fight with pistols。〃
〃I advise you to do so； because； if you take large holster pistols and
load them up to their muzzles； you can't risk anything。 They are SURE
to fire wide of the mark； and both parties can retire from the field
with honor。 Let me manage all that。 Hein！ 'sapristi；' two brave men
would be arrant fools to kill each other for a joke。〃
〃Are you sure the pistols will carry WIDE ENOUGH？ I should be sorry to
kill the man； after all；〃 said Gaudissart。
〃Sleep in peace；〃 answered Mitouflet； departing。
The next morning the two adversaries； more or less pale； met beside
the bridge of La Cise。 The brave Vernier came near shooting a cow
which was peaceably feeding by the roadside。
〃Ah； you fired in the air！〃 cried Gaudissart。
At these words the enemies embraced。
〃Monsieur；〃 said the traveller； 〃your joke was rather rough； but it
was a good one for all that。 I am sorry I apostrophized you： I was
excited。 I regard you as a man of honor。〃
〃Monsieur； we take twenty subscriptions to the 'Children's Journal；'〃
replied the dyer； still pale。
〃That being so；〃 said Gaudissart； 〃why shouldn't we all breakfast
together？ Men who fight are