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e judgment。
One of the earliest passions of my mind was the love of truth and sound opinion。 〃Why should I；〃 such was the language of my solitary meditations； 〃because I was born in a certain degree of latitude； in a certain century； in a country where certain institutions prevail； and of parents professing a certain faith； take it for granted that all this is right？This is matter of accident。 〃Time and chance happeneth to all：〃 and I； the thinking principle within me； might； if such had been the order of events； have been born under circumstances the very reverse of those under which I was born。 I will not； if I can help it； be the creature of accident； I will not； like a shuttle…cock； be at the disposal of every impulse that is given me。〃 I felt a certain disdain for the being thus directed； I could not endure the idea of being made a fool of； and of taking every ignis fatuus for a guide； and every stray notion； the meteor of the day； for everlasting truth。 I am the person； spoken of in a preceding Essay＇38＇； who early said to Truth； 〃Go on： whithersoever thou leadest； I am prepared to follow。〃
＇38＇ See above； Essay XIII。
During my college…life therefore； I read all sorts of books； on every side of any important question； that were thrown in my way； or that I could hear of。 But the very passion that determined me to this mode of proceeding； made me wary and circumspect in coming to a conclusion。 I knew that it would； if any thing； be a more censurable and contemptible act； to yield to every seducing novelty； than to adhere obstinately to a prejudice because it had been instilled into me in youth。 I was therefore slow of conviction； and by no means 〃given to change。〃 I never willingly parted with a suggestion that was unexpectedly furnished to me； but I examined it again and again； before I consented that it should enter into the set of my principles。
In proportion however as I became acquainted with truth； or what appeared to me to be truth； I was like what I have read of Melancthon； who； when he was first converted to the tenets of Luther； became eager to go into all companies； that he might make them partakers of the same inestimable treasures； and set before them evidence that was to him irresistible。 It is needless to say； that he often encountered the most mortifying disappointment。
Young and eager as I was in my mission； I received in this way many a bitter lesson。 But the peculiarity of my temper rendered this doubly impressive to me。 I could not pass over a hint； let it come from what quarter it would； without taking it into some consideration； and endeavouring to ascertain the precise weight that was to be attributed to it。 It would however often happen； particularly in the question of the claims of a given individual to honour and respect； that I could see nothing but the most glaring injustice in the opposition I experienced。 In canvassing the character of an individual； it is not for the most part general； abstract or moral； principles that are called into question： I am left in possession of the premises which taught me to admire the man whose character is contested； and conformably to those premises I see that his claim to the honour I have paid him is fully made out。
In my communications with others； in the endeavour to impart what I deemed to be truth； I began with boldness： but I often found that the evidence that was to me irresistible； was made small account of by others； and it not seldom happened； as candour was my principle； and a determination to receive what could be strewn to be truth； let it come from what quarter it would； that suggestions were presented to me； materially calculated to stagger the confidence with which I had set out。 If I had been divinely inspired； if I had been secured by an omniscient spirit against the danger of error； my case would have been different。 But I was not inspired。 I often encountered an opposition I had not anticipated； and was often presented with objections； or had pointed out to me flaws and deficiencies in my reasonings； which； till they were so pointed out； I had not apprehended。 I had not lungs enabling me to drown all contradiction； and； which was still more material； I had not a frame of mind； which should determine me to regard whatever could be urged against me as of no value。 I therefore became cautious。 As a human creature； I did not relish the being held up to others' or to myself； as rash； inconsiderate and headlong； unaware of difficulties the most obvious； embracing propositions the most untenable； and 〃against hope believing in hope。〃 And； as an apostle of truth； I distinctly perceived that a reputation for perspicacity and sound judgment was essential to my mission。 I therefore often became less a speaker； than a listener； and by no means made it a law with myself to defend principles and characters I honoured； on every occasion on which I might hear them attacked。
A new epoch occurred in my character； when I published； and at the time I was writing； my Enquiry concerning Political Justice。 My mind was wrought up to a certain elevation of tone； the speculations in which I was engaged； tending to embrace all that was most important to man in society； and the frame to which I had assiduously bent myself； of giving quarter to nothing because it was old； and shrinking from nothing because it was startling and astounding； gave a new bias to my character。 The habit which I thus formed put me more on the alert even in the scenes of ordinary life； and gave me a boldness and an eloquence more than was natural to me。 I then reverted to the principle which I stated in the beginning； of being ready to tell my neighbour whatever it might be of advantage to him to know； to shew myself the sincere and zealous advocate of absent merit and worth； and to contribute by every means in my power to the improvement of others and to the diffusion of salutary truth through the world。 I desired that every hour that I lived should be turned to the best account； and was bent each day to examine whether I had conformed myself to this rule。 I held on this course with tolerable constancy for five or six years： and； even when that constancy abated； it failed not to leave a beneficial effect on my subsequent conduct。
But； in pursuing this scheme of practice； I was acting a part somewhat foreign to my constitution。 I was by nature more of a speculative than an active character； more inclined to reason within myself upon what I heard and saw； than to declaim concerning it。 I loved to sit by unobserved； and to meditate upon the panorama before me。 At first I associated chiefly with those who were more or less admirers of my work； and； as I had risen （to speak in the slang phrase） like 〃a star〃 upon my contemporaries without being expected； I was treated generally with a certain degree of deference； or； where not with deference and submission； yet as a person whose opinions and view of things were to be taken into the account。 The individuals who most strenuously opposed me； acted with a consciousness that； if they affected to despise me； they must not expect that all the bystanders would participate in that feeling。
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