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the garden of allah-第142章

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door; but she saw the moonlight falling upon the matting that was
spread upon the sand within the tent; and she repeated; 〃Love
watchethLove watchethLove watcheth;〃 moving her lips like the
child who reads with difficulty。 Then came the thought; 〃I am
watching。〃

The passion of personal anger had died away as suddenly as it had
come。 She felt numb and yet excited。 She leaned forward and once more
laid her face in her hands。

〃Love watchethI am watching。〃 Then a momentthen〃God is watching
me。〃

She whispered the words over again and again。 And the numbness began
to pass away。 And the anger was dead。 Always she had felt as if she
had been led to Africa for some definite end。 Did not the freed
negroes; far out in the Desert; sing their song of the deeper
mysteries〃No one but God and I knows what is in my heart〃? And had
not she heard it again and again; and each time with a sense of awe?
She had always thought that the words were wonderful and beautiful。
But she had thought that perhaps they were not true。 She had said to
Androvsky that he knew what was in her heart。 And now; in this night;
in its intense stillness; close to the man who for so long had not
dared to pray but who now was praying; again she thought that they
were not quite true。 It seemed to her that she did not know what was
in her heart; and that she was waiting there for God to come and tell
her。 Would He come? She waited。 Patience entered into her。

The silence was long。 Night was travelling; turning her thoughts to a
distant world。 The moon waned; and a faint breath of wind that was
almost cold stole over the sands; among the graves in the cemetery; to
the man and the woman who were keeping vigil upon their knees。 The
wind died away almost ere it had risen; and the rigid silence that
precedes the dawn held the desert in its grasp。 And God came to Domini
in the silence; Allah through Allah's garden that was shrouded still
in the shadows of night。 Once; as she journeyed through the roaring of
the storm; she had listened for the voice of the desert。 And as the
desert took her its voice had spoken to her in a sudden and magical
silence; in a falling of the wind。 Now; in a more magical silence; the
voice of God spoke to her。 And the voice of the desert and of God were
as one。 As she knelt she heard God telling her what was in her heart。
It was a strange and passionate revelation。 She trembled as she heard。
And sometimes she was inclined to say; 〃It is not so。〃 And sometimes
she was afraid; afraid of what thisall this that was in her heart
would lead her to do。 For God told her of a strength which she had not
known her heart possessed; whichso it seemed to hershe did not
wish it to possess; of a strength from which something within her
shrank; against which something within her protested。 But God would
not be denied。 He told her she had this strength。 He told her that she
must use it。 He told her that she would use it。 And she began to
understand something of the mystery of the purposes of God in relation
to herself; and to understand; with it; how closely companioned even
those who strive after effacement of self are by selfishnesshow
closely companioned she had been on her African pilgrimage。 Everything
that had happened in Africa she had quietly taken to herself; as a
gift made to her for herself。

The peace that had descended upon her was balm for her soul; and was
sent merely for that; to stop the pain she suffered from old wounds
that she might be comfortably at rest。 The crescendothe beautiful
crescendoof calm; of strength; of faith; of hope which she had; as
it were; heard like a noble music within her spirit had been the David
sent to play upon the harp to her Saul; that from her Saul the black
demon of unrest; of despair; might depart。 That was what she had
believed。 She had believed that she had come to Africa for herself;
and now God; in the silence; was telling her that this was not so;
that He had brought her to Africa to sacrifice herself in the
redemption of another。 And as she listenedlistened; with bowed head;
and eyes in which tears were gathering; from which tears were falling
upon her clasped handsshe knew that it was true; she knew that God
meant her to put away her selfishness; to rise above it。 Those eagle's
wings of which she had thoughtshe must spread them。 She must soar
towards the place of the angels; whither good women soar in the great
moments of their love; borne up by the winds of God。 On the minaret of
the mosque of Sidi…Zerzour; while Androvsky remained in the dark
shadow with a curse; she had mounted; with prayer; surely a little way
towards God。 And now God said to her; 〃Mount higher; come nearer to
me; bring another with you。 That was my purpose in leading you to
Beni…Mora; in leading you far out into the desert; in leading you into
the heart of the desert。〃

She had been led to Africa for a definite end; and now she knew what
that end was。 On the mosque of the minaret of Sidi…Zerzour she had
surely seen prayer travelling; the soul of prayer travelling。 And she
had asked herself〃Whither?〃 She had asked herself where was the
halting…place; with at last the pitched tent; the camp fires; and the
long; the long repose? And when she came down into the court of the
mosque and found Androvsky watching the old Arab who struck against
the mosque and cursed; she had wished that Androvsky had mounted with
her a little way towards God。

He should mount with her。 Always she had longed to see him above her。
Could she leave him below? She knew she could not。 She understood that
God did not mean her to。 She understood perfectly。 And tears streamed
from her eyes。 For now there came upon her a full comprehension of her
love for Androvsky。 His revelation had not killed it; as; for a
moment; in her passionate personal anger; she had been inclined to
think。 Indeed it seemed to her now that; till this hour of silence;
she had never really loved him; never known how to love。 Even in the
tent at Arba she had not fully loved him; perfectly loved him。 For the
thought of self; the desires of self; the passion of self; had entered
into and been mingled with her love。 But now she loved him perfectly;
because she loved as God intended her to love。 She loved him as God's
envoy sent to him。

She was still weeping; but she began to feel calm; as if the stillness
of this hour before the dawn entered into her soul。 She thought of
herself now only as a vessel into which God was pouring His purpose
and His love。

Just as dawn was breaking; as the first streak of light stole into the
east and threw a frail spear of gold upon the sands; she was conscious
again of a thrill of life within her; of the movement of her unborn
child。 Then she lifted her head from her hand; looking towards the
east; and whispered:

〃Give me strength for one more thinggive me strength to be silent!〃

She waited as if for an answer。 Then she rose from her knees; bathed
her face and went out to the tent door to Androvsky。

〃Boris!〃 she said。

He rose from his knees and looked at her; holding the little wooden
crucifix in his hand。

〃Domini?〃 he said in an uncertain voice。

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