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〃Don't be in such a hurry； you quite frighten me！ Shall I get you
the loaf or not？〃
〃As you please。〃
〃Ah； I forgot！ A letter came for you yesterday when you were out。〃
〃A letter？ for me！ from whom？〃
〃I can't say。 I gave three copecks of my own to the postman for
it。 Will you pay me back？〃
〃Then bring it to me； for God's sake； bring it；〃 cried Raskolnikov
greatly excited… 〃good God！〃
A minute later the letter was brought him。 That was it： from his
mother； from the province of R___。 He turned pale when he took it。
It was a long while since he had received a letter； but another
feeling also suddenly stabbed his heart。
〃Nastasya； leave me alone； for goodness' sake； here are your three
copecks； but for goodness' sake； make haste and go！〃
The letter was quivering in his hand； he did not want to open it
in her presence； he wanted to be left alone with this letter。 When
Nastasya had gone out； he lifted it quickly to his lips and kissed it；
then he gazed intently at the address； the small； sloping handwriting；
so dear and familiar； of the mother who had once taught him to read
and write。 He delayed； he seemed almost afraid of something。 At last
he opened it； it was a thick heavy letter； weighing over two ounces；
two large sheets of note paper were covered with very small
handwriting。
〃My dear Rodya；〃 wrote his mother… 〃it's two months since I last had
a talk with you by letter which has distressed me and even kept me
awake at night； thinking。 But I am sure you will not blame me for my
inevitable silence。 You know how I love you； you are all we have to
look to； Dounia and I； you are our all； our one hope； our one stay。
What a grief it was to me when I heard that you had given up the
university some months ago； for want of means to keep yourself and
that you had lost your lessons and your other work！ How could I help
you out of my hundred and twenty roubles a year pension？ The fifteen
roubles I sent you four months ago I borrowed； as you know； on
security of my pension； from Vassily Ivanovitch Vahrushin a merchant
of this town。 He is a kind…hearted man and was a friend of your
father's too。 But having given him the right to receive the pension； I
had to wait till the debt was paid off and that is only just done；
so that I've been unable to send you anything all this time。 But
now； thank God； I believe I shall be able to send you something more
and in fact we may congratulate ourselves on our good fortune now；
of which I hasten to inform you。 In the first place； would you have
guessed； dear Rodya； that your sister has been living with me for
the last six weeks and we shall not be separated in the future。
Thank God； her sufferings are over； but I will tell you everything
in order； so that you may know just how everything has happened and
all that we have hitherto concealed from you。 When you wrote to me two
months ago that you had heard that Dounia had a great deal to put up
with in the Svidrigrailovs' house； when you wrote that and asked me to
tell you all about it… what could I write in answer to you？ If I had
written the whole truth to you； I dare say you would have thrown up
everything and have come to us； even if you had to walk all the way；
for I know your character and your feelings； and you would not let
your sister be insulted。 I was in despair myself； but what could I do？
And； besides； I did not know the whole truth myself then。 What made it
all so difficult was that Dounia received a hundred roubles in advance
when she took the place as governess in their family； on condition
of part of her salary being deducted every month； and so it was
impossible to throw up the situation without repaying the debt。 This
sum （now I can explain it all to you； my precious Rodya） she took
chiefly in order to send you sixty roubles； which you needed so
terribly then and which you received from us last year。 We deceived
you then； writing that this money came from Dounia's savings； but that
was not so； and now I tell you all about it； because； thank God；
things have suddenly changed for the better； and that you may know how
Dounia loves you and what a heart she has。 At first indeed Mr。
Svidrigailov treated her very rudely and used to make disrespectful
and jeering remarks at table。。。。 But I don't want to go into all those
painful details； so as not to worry you for nothing when it is now all
over。 In short； in spite of the kind and generous behaviour of Marfa
Petrovna； Mr。 Svidrigailov's wife； and all the rest of the
household； Dounia had a very hard time； especially when Mr。
Svidrigailov； relapsing into his old regimental habits； was under
the influence of Bacchus。 And how do you think it was all explained
later on？ Would you believe that the crazy fellow had conceived a
passion for Dounia from the beginning； but had concealed it under a
show of rudeness and contempt。 Possibly he was ashamed and horrified
himself at his own flighty hopes； considering his years and his
being the father of a family； and that made him angry with Dounia。 And
possibly； too； he hoped by his rude and sneering behaviour to hide the
truth from others。 But at last he lost all control and had the face to
make Dounia an open and shameful proposal； promising her all sorts
of inducements and offering； besides； to throw up everything and
take her to another estate of his； or even abroad。 You can imagine all
she went through！ To leave her situation at once was impossible not
only on account of the money debt； but also to spare the feelings of
Marfa Petrovna； whose suspicions would have been aroused； and then
Dounia would have been the cause of a rupture in the family。 And it
would have meant a terrible scandal for Dounia too； that would have
been inevitable。 There were various other reasons owing to which
Dounia could not hope to escape from that awful house for another
six weeks。 You know Dounia； of course； you know how clever she is
and what a strong will she has。 Dounia can endure a great deal and
even in the mo