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condition of my children filled me with despair； to…day as they
advance in life they grow healthier and stronger。 And then； after all；
our home is improved and beautified； our means are improving also。 Who
knows but Monsieur de Mortsauf's old age may be a blessing to me？ Ah；
believe me！ those who stand before the Great Judge with palms in their
hands； leading comforted to Him the beings who cursed their lives；
they； they have turned their sorrows into joy。 If my sufferings bring
about the happiness of my family； are they sufferings at all？〃
〃Yes；〃 I said； 〃they are； but they were necessary； as mine have been；
to make us understand the true flavor of the fruit that has ripened on
our rocks。 Now； surely； we shall taste it together； surely we may
admire its wonders； the sweetness of affection it has poured into our
souls； that inward sap which revives the searing leavesGood God！ do
you not understand me？〃 I cried； falling into the mystical language to
which our religious training had accustomed us。 〃See the paths by
which we have approached each other； what magnet led us through that
ocean of bitterness to these springs of running water； flowing at the
foot of those hills above the shining sands and between their green
and flowery meadows？ Have we not followed the same star？ We stand
before the cradle of a divine child whose joyous carol will renew the
world for us； teach us through happiness a love of life； give to our
nights their long…lost sleep； and to the days their gladness。 What
hand is this that year by year has tied new cords between us？ Are we
not more than brother and sister？ That which heaven has joined we must
not keep asunder。 The sufferings you reveal are the seeds scattered by
the sower for the harvest already ripening in the sunshine。 Shall we
not gather it sheaf by sheaf？ What strength is in me that I dare
address you thus！ Answer； or I will never again recross that river！〃
〃You have spared me the word LOVE；〃 she said； in a stern voice； 〃but
you have spoken of a sentiment of which I know nothing and which is
not permitted to me。 You are a child； and again I pardon you； but for
the last time。 Endeavor to understand； Monsieur； that my heart is； as
it were； intoxicated with motherhood。 I love Monsieur de Mortsauf
neither from social duty nor from a calculated desire to win eternal
blessings； but from an irresistible feeling which fastens all the
fibres of my heart upon him。 Was my marriage a mistake？ My sympathy
for misfortune led to it。 It is the part of women to heal the woes
caused by the march of events； to comfort those who rush into the
breach and return wounded。 How shall I make you understand me？ I have
felt a selfish pleasure in seeing that you amused him； is not that
pure motherhood？ Did I not make you see by what I owned just now； the
THREE children to whom I am bound； to whom I shall never fail； on whom
I strive to shed a healing dew and the light of my own soul without
withdrawing or adulterating a single particle？ Do not embitter the
mother's milk！ though as a wife I am invulnerable； you must never
again speak thus to me。 If you do not respect this command； simple as
it is； the door of this house will be closed to you。 I believed in
pure friendship； in a voluntary brotherhood； more real； I thought；
than the brotherhood of blood。 I was mistaken。 I wanted a friend who
was not a judge； a friend who would listen to me in those moments of
weakness when reproof is killing； a sacred friend from whom I should
have nothing to fear。 Youth is noble； truthful； capable of sacrifice；
disinterested； seeing your persistency in coming to us； I believed；
yes； I will admit that I believed in some divine purpose； I thought I
should find a soul that would be mine； as the priest is the soul of
all； a heart in which to pour my troubles when they deluged mine； a
friend to hear my cries when if I continued to smother them they would
strangle me。 Could I but have this friend； my life； so precious to
these children； might be prolonged until Jacques had grown to manhood。
But that is selfish！ The Laura of Petrarch cannot be lived again。 I
must die at my post； like a soldier； friendless。 My confessor is
harsh； austere； andmy aunt is dead。〃
Two large tears filled her eyes； gleamed in the moonlight； and rolled
down her cheeks； but I stretched my hand in time to catch them； and I
drank them with an avidity excited by her words； by the thought of
those ten years of secret woe； of wasted feelings； of constant care；
of ceaseless dreadyears of the lofty heroism of her sex。 She looked
at me with gentle stupefaction。
〃It is the first communion of love；〃 I said。 〃Yes； I am now a sharer
of your sorrows。 I am united to your soul as our souls are united to
Christ in the sacrament。 To love； even without hope； is happiness。 Ah！
what woman on earth could give me a joy equal to that of receiving
your tears！ I accept the contract which must end in suffering to
myself。 I give myself to you with no ulterior thought。 I will be to
you that which you will me to be〃
She stopped me with a motion of her hand； and said in her deep voice；
〃I consent to this agreement if you will promise never to tighten the
bonds which bind us together。〃
〃Yes；〃 I said； 〃but the less you grant the more evidence of possession
I ought to have。〃
〃You begin by distrusting me；〃 she replied； with an expression of
melancholy doubt。
〃No； I speak from pure happiness。 Listen； give me a name by which no
one calls you； a name to be ours only； like the feeling which unites
us。〃
〃That is much to ask；〃 she said； 〃but I will show you that I am not
petty。 Monsieur de Mortsauf calls me Blanche。 One only person； the one
I have most loved； my dear aunt； called me Henriette。 I will be
Henriette once more； to you。〃
I took her hand and kissed it。 She left it in mine with the
trustfulness that makes a woman so far superior to men； a trustfulness
that shames us。 She was leaning on the brick balustrade and gazing at
the river。
〃Are you not unwise； my friend； to rush at a bound to the extremes of
friendship？ You have drained the cup； offered in all sincerity； at a
draught。 It is true that a real feeling is never piecemeal； it must be
whole； or it does not exist。 Monsieur de Mortsauf；〃 she added after a
short silence； 〃is above all things loyal and brave。 Perhaps for my
sake you will forget what he said to you to…day； if he has forgotten
it to…morrow； I will myself tell him what occurred。 Do not come to
Clochegourde for a few days； he will respect you more if you do not。
On Sunday； after church； he will go to you。 I know him； he will wish
to undo the wrong he did； and he will like you all the better for
treating him as a man who is responsible for his words and actions。〃
〃Five days without seeing you； without hearing your voice！〃
〃Do not put such warmth into your manner of speaking to me；〃 she said。
We walked twice round the terrace in si