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I could have coopt my selfe up in a Cloyster； and shorne my selfe a
Nunne； but that I was not born to such severity of life。 My youth
shall be blasted with age before I can truly understand what youth is；
and I shall be branded with the disgraceful word barrennesse；
knowing my selfe meete and able to be a Mother； were my Husband but
wort the name of a Father； or expected issue and posterity； to leave
our memoriall to after times in our race； as all our predecessours
formerly have done； and for which mariage was chiefly instituted。
Castles long besieged； doe yeeld at the last； and women wronged by
their owne husbands； can hardly warrant their owne frailety；
especially living among so many temptations； which flesh and bloud are
not alwaies able to resist。 Well； I meane to be advised in this
case； before I will hazard my honest reputation； either to suspition
or scandall； then which； no woman can have two heavier enemies； and
very few there are that can escape them。
Having thus a long while consulted with her selfe； and （perhaps）
oftner then twice or thrice； she became secretly acquainted with an
aged woman； generally reputed to be more then halfe a Saint； walking
alwayes very demurely in the streetes； counting （over and over） her
Paters Nosters； and all the Cities holy pardons hanging at her
girdle never talking of any thing； but the lives of the holy
Fathers； or the woundes of Saint Frances； all the World admiring her
sanctity of life； even as if shee were divinely inspired： this shee
Saint must bee our distressed womans Counsellour； and having found out
a convenient season； at large she imparted all her minde to her； in
some such manner as formerly you have heard； whereto she returned this
answer。
Now trust me Daughter； thy case is to be pittied； and so much the
rather； because thou art in the flowre and spring time of thy youth；
when not a minute of time is to bee left： for there is no greater an
errour in this life； then the losse of time； because it cannot bee
recovered againe； and when the fiends themselves affright us； yet if
wee keepe our embers still covered with warme ashes on the hearth；
they have not any power to hurt us。 If any one can truly speake
thereof； then I am able to deliver true testimony； for I know； but not
without much perturbation of minde； and piercing afflictions in the
spirit； how much time I lost without any profit。 And yet I lost not
all； for I would not have thee thinke me to bee so foolish； that I did
altogether neglect such an especiall benefit； which when I call to
mind； and consider now in what condition I am； thou must imagine； it
is no small hearts griefe to mee； that age should make me utterly
despised； and no fire affoorded to light my tinder。
With men it is not so； they are borne apt for a thousand
occasions； as well for the present purpose wee talke of； as infinite
other beside； yea； and many of them are more esteemed being aged； then
when they were young。 But women serve onely for mens contentation； and
to bring Children； and therefore are they generally beloved； which
if they faile of； either it is by unfortunate marriage； or some
imperfection depending on nature； not through want of good will in
themselves。 Wee have nothing in this World but what is given us； in
which regard； wee are to make use of our time； and employ it the
better while wee have it。 For； when wee grow to bee old； our Husbands；
yea； our very dearest and nearest Friends； will scarsely looke on
us。 Wee are then fit for nothing； but to sit by the fire in the
Kitchin； telling tales to the Cat； or counting the Pots and Pannes
on the shelves。 Nay； which is worse； Rimes and Songs is made of us；
even in meere contempt of our age； and commendation of such as are
young； the daintiest morsels are fittest for them； and wee referred to
feed on the scrappes from their Trenchers； or such reversion as they
can spare us。 I tell thee Daughter； thou couldst not make choyce of
a meeter woman in all the City； to whom thou mightest safely open
thy minde； and knowes better to advise thee then I doe。 But remember
withall； that I am poore； and it is your part not to suffer poverty to
bee unsupplyed。 I will make thee partaker of all these blessed
pardons； at every Altar I will say a Pater Noster； and an Ave Maria；
that thou maist prosper in thy hearts desires； and be defended from
foule sinne and shame； and so she ended her Motherly counsell。
Within a while after； it came to passe； that her Husband was invited
foorth to supper； with one named Herculano； a kinde Friend of his； but
his Wife refused to goe； because she had appointed a Friend to
Supper with her； to whom the old woman was employed as her
messenger； and was well recompenced for her labour。 This friend was
a gallant proper youth； as any all Perugia yeelded； and scarcely was
hee seated at the Table； but her Husband was returned backe； and
called to bee let in at the doore。 Which when shee perceived； she
was almost halfe dead with feare； and coveting to hide the young
man； that her Husband should not have any sight of him； shee had no
other meanes； but in an entry； hard by the Parlour where they purposed
to have supt； stood a Coope or Hen…pen； wherein shee used to keepe her
Pullen； under which hee crept； and then shee covered it with an olde
empty Sacke； and after ranne ranne to let her Husband come in。 When
hee was entred into the House； as halfe offended at his so sudden
returne； angerly she saide： It seemes Sir you are a shaver at your
meate； that you have made so short a Supper。 In troth Wife （quoth hee）
I have not supt at all； no not so much as eaten one bit。 How hapned
that； said the woman？ Marry Wife （quoth hee） I will tell you； and then
thus he began。
As Herculano； his Wife； and I were sitting downe at the Table；
very neere unto us wee heard one sneeze； whereof at the first wee made
no reckoning； untill wee heard it againe the second time； yeal a
third； fourth； and fifth； and many more after； whereat wee were not
a little amazed。 Now Wife I must tell you； before wee entred the roome
where we were to sup； Herculanoes Wife kept the doore fast shut
against us； and would not let us enter in an indifferent while；
which made him then somewhat offended； but now much more； when hee had
heard one to sneeze so often。 Demaunded of her a reason for it； and
who it was that thus sneezed in his House： hee started from the Table；
and stepping to a little doore neere the staires head； necessarily
made； to set such things in； as otherwise would be troublesome to
the roome； （as in all Houses we commonly see the like） he perceived；
that the party was hidden there； which wee had heard so often to
sneeze before。
No sooner had hee opened the doore； but stich a smell of brimstone
came foorth （whereof wee felt not the least savour before） as made
us likewise to cough and sneeze； being no way able to refraine it。
Shee seeing her Husband to bee much moved； excused the matter thus：
that （but a little while before） shee had whited certaine linnen
with the smoake of brimstone； as it is a usuall thing to doe； and then
set the Pan into that spare place； because it should not bee offensive
to u