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anything—and we walked up and down； for a minute or two； in
silence。 The door opened then； and Peggotty appeared； beckoning
to Ham to come in。 I would have kept away； but she came after
me； entreating me to come in too。 Even then； I would have avoided
the room where they all were； but for its being the neat…tiled
kitchen I have mentioned more than once。 The door opening
immediately into it； I found myself among them beforeconsidered whither I was going。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
The girl—the same I had seen upon the sands—was near the
fire。 She was sitting on the ground； with her head and one arm
lying on a chair。 I fancied； from the disposition of her figure； that
Em’ly had but newly risen from the chair； and that the forlorn
head might perhaps have been lying on her lap。 I saw but little of
the girl’s face； over which her hair fell loose and scattered； as if she
had been disordering it with her own hands； but I saw that she
was young； and of a fair complexion。 Peggotty had been crying。 So
had little Em’ly。 Not a word was spoken when we first went in； and
the Dutch clock by the dresser seemed； in the silence； to tick twice
as loud as usual。 Em’ly spoke first。
‘Martha wants；’ she said to Ham； ‘to go to London。’
‘Why to London？’ returned Ham。
He stood between them； looking on the prostrate girl with a
mixture of compassion for her； and of jealousy of her holding any
companionship with her whom he loved so well； which I have
always remembered distinctly。 They both spoke as if she were ill；
in a soft； suppressed tone that was plainly heard； although it
hardly rose above a whisper。
‘Better there than here；’ said a third voice aloud—Martha’s；
though she did not move。 ‘No one knows me there。 Everybody
knows me here。’
‘What will she do there？’ inquired Ham。
She lifted up her head； and looked darkly round at him for a
moment； then laid it down again； and curved her right arm about
her neck； as a woman in a fever； or in an agony of pain from a shot；
might twist herself。
‘She will try to do well；’ said little Em’ly。 ‘You don’t know what
she has said to us。 Does he—do they—aunt？’
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
Peggotty shook her head compassionately。
‘I’ll try；’ said Martha； ‘if you’ll help me away。 I never can do
worse than I have done here。 I may do better。 Oh！’ with a dreadful
shiver； ‘take me out of these streets； where the whole town knows
me from a child！’
As Em’ly held out her hand to Ham； I saw him put in it a little
canvas bag。 She took it； as if she thought it were her purse； and
made a step or two forward； but finding her mistake； came back to
where he had retired near me； and showed it to him。
‘It’s all yourn； Em’ly；’ I could hear him say。 ‘I haven’t nowt in all
the wureld that ain’t yourn； my dear。 It ain’t of no delight to me；
except for you！’
The tears rose freshly in her eyes； but she turned away and
went to Martha。 What she gave her； I don’t know。 I saw her
stooping over her； and putting money in her bosom。 She
whispered something； as she asked was that enough？ ‘More than
enough；’ the other said； and took her hand and kissed it。
Then Martha arose； and gathering her shawl about her；
covering her face with it； and weeping aloud； went slowly to the
door。 She stopped a moment before going out； as if she would have
uttered something or turned back； but no word passed her lips。
Making the same low； dreary； wretched moaning in her shawl； she
went away。
As the door closed； little Em’ly looked at us three in a hurried
manner and then hid her face in her hands； and fell to sobbing。
‘Doen’t； Em’ly！’ said Ham； tapping her gently on the shoulder。
‘Doen’t； my dear！ You doen’t ought to cry so； pretty！’
‘Oh； Ham！’ she exclaimed； still weeping pitifully； ‘I am not so
good a girl as I ought to be！ I know I have not the thankful heart；
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
sometimes； I ought to have！’
‘Yes； yes； you have； I’m sure；’ said Ham。
‘No！ no！ no！’ cried little Em’ly； sobbing； and shaking her head。 ‘I
am not as good a girl as I ought to be。 Not near！ not near！’ And still
she cried； as if her heart would break。
‘I try your love too much。 I know I do！’ she sobbed。 ‘I’m often
cross to you； and changeable with you； when I ought to be far
different。 You are never so to me。 Why am I ever so to you； when I
should think of nothing but how to be grateful； and to make you
happy！’
‘You always make me so；’ said Ham； ‘my dear！ I am happy in
the sight of you。 I am happy； all day long； in the thoughts of you。’
‘Ah！ that’s not enough！’ she cried。 ‘That is because you are
good； not because I am！ Oh； my dear； it might have been a better
fortune for you； if you had been fond of someone else—of someone
steadier and much worthier than me； who was all bound up in
you； and never vain and changeable like me！’
‘Poor little tender…heart；’ said Ham； in a low voice。 ‘Martha has
overset her； altogether。’
‘Please； aunt；’ sobbed Em’ly； ‘come here； and let me lay my
head upon you。 Oh； I am very miserable tonight； aunt！ Oh； I am
not as good a girl as I ought to be。 I am not； I know！’
Peggotty had hastened to the chair before the fire。 Em’ly； with
her arms around her neck； kneeled by her； looking up most
earnestly into her face。
‘Oh； pray； aunt； try to help me！ Ham； dear； try to help me！ Mr。
David； for the sake of old times； do； please； try to help me！ I want
to be a better girl than I am。 I want to feel a hundred times more
thankful than I do。 I want to feel more； what a blessed thing it is to
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
be the wife of a good man； and to lead a peaceful life。 Oh me； oh
me！ Oh my heart； my heart！’
She dropped her face on my old nurse’s breast； and； ceasing
this supplication； which in its agony and grief was half a woman’s；
half a child’s； as all her manner was （being； in that； more natural；
and better suited to her beauty； as I thought； than any other
manner could have been）； wept silently； while my old nurse
hushed her like an infant。
She got calmer by degrees； and then we soothed her； now
talking encouragingly； and now jesting a little with her； until she
began to raise her head and speak to us。 So we got on； until she
was able to smile； and then to laugh； and then to sit up； half
ashamed； while Peggotty recalled her stray ringlets； dried her
eyes； and made her neat again； lest her uncle should wonder；
when she got home； why his darling had been crying。
I saw her do； that night； what I had never seen her do before。 I
saw her innocently kiss her chosen husband on the cheek； and
creep close to his bluff form as if it were her best support。 When
they went away together； in the waning moonlight； and I looked
after them； comparing their departure in my mind with Martha’s； I
saw that she held his arm with both her hands； and still kept close
t