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sliding of the short screen… curtains before the singers along by their clinking rings; and now and then a premonitory groan or squeak from bass…viol or violin; as if the instruments were clearing their throats; and finally the sudden uprising of that long row of heads in the 〃singing…seats。〃
My tallest and prettiest grown…up sister; Louise; stood there among them; and of all those girlish; blooming faces I thought hers the very handsomest。 But she did not open her lips wide enough to satisfy me。 I could not see that she was singing at all。
To stand up there and be one of the choir; seemed to me very little short of promotion to the ranks of cherubim and seraphim。 I quite envied that tall; pretty sister of mine。 I was sure that I should open my mouth wide; if I could only be in her place。 Alas! the years proved that; much as I loved the hymns; there was no music in me to give them voice; except to very indulgent ears。
Some of us must wait for the best human gifts until we come to heavenly places。 Our natural desire for musical utterance is perhaps a prophecy that in a perfect world we shall all know how to sing。 But it is something to feel music; if we cannot make it。 That; in itself; is a kind of unconscious singing。
As I think back to my childhood; it seems to me as if the air was full of hymns; as it was of the fragrance of clover…blossoms; and the songs of bluebirds and robins; and the deep undertone of the sea。 And the purity; the calmness; and the coolness of the dear old Sabbath days seems lingering yet in the words of those familiar hymns; whenever I bear them sung。 Their melody penetrates deep into my life; assuming me that I have not left the green pastures and the still waters of my childhood very far behind me。
There is something at the heart of a true song or hymn which keeps the heart young that listens。 It is like a breeze from the eternal hills; like the west wind of spring; never by a breath less balmy and clear for having poured life into the old generations of earth for thousands of years; a spiritual freshness; which has nothing to do with time or decay。
IV。
NAUGHTY CHILDREN AND FAIRY TALES。
ALTHOUGH the children of an earlier time heard a great deal of theological discussion which meant little or nothing to them; there was one thing that was made clear and emphatic in all the Puritan training: that the heavens and earth stood upon firm foundationsupon the Moral Law as taught in the Old Testament and confirmed by the New。 Whatever else we did not understand; we believed that to disobey our parents; to lie or steal; had been forbidden by a Voice which was not to be gainsaid。 People who broke or evaded these commands did so willfully; and without excusing themselves; or being excused by others。 I think most of us expected the fate of Ananias and Sapphira; if we told what we knew was a falsehood。
There were reckless exceptions; however。 A playmate; of whom I was quite fond; was once asked; in my presence; whether she had done something forbidden; which I knew she had been about only a little while before。 She answered 〃No;〃 and without any apparent hesitation。 After the person who made the inquiry had gone; I exclaimed; with horrified wonder; 〃How could you?〃
Her reply was; 〃Oh; I only kind of said no。〃 What a real lie was to her; if she understood a distinct denial of the truth as only 〃kind…of〃 lying; it perplexed me to imagine。 The years proved that this lack of moral perception was characteristic; and nearly spoiled a nature full of beautiful gifts。
I could not deliberately lie; but I had my own temptations; which I did not always successfully resist。 I remember the very spot in a footpath through a green fieldwhere I first met the Eighth Commandment; and felt it looking me full in the face。
I suppose I was five or six years old。 I had begun to be trusted with errands; one of them was to go to a farmhouse for a quart of milk every morning; to purchase which I went always to the money… drawer in the shop and took out four cents。 We were allowed to take a 〃small brown〃 biscuit; or a date; or a fig; or a 〃gibral… tar;〃 sometimes; but we well understood that we could not help ourselves to money。
Now there was a little painted sugar equestrian in a shop…window down town; which I had seen and set my heart upon。 I had learned that its price was two cents; and one morning as I passed around the counter with my tin pail I made up my mind to possess myself of that amount。 My father's back was turned; he was busy at his desk with account…books and ledgers。 I counted out four cents aloud; but took six; and started on my errand with a fascinating picture before me of that pink and green horseback rider as my very own。
I cannot imagine what I meant to do with him。 I knew that his paint was poisonous; and I could not have intended to eat him; there were much better candies in my father's window; he would not sell these dangerous painted toys to children。 But the little man was pretty to look at; and I wanted him; and meant to have him。 It was just a child's first temptation to get possession of what was not her own;the same ugly temptation that produces the defaulter; the burglar; and the highway robber; and that made it necessary to declare to every human being the law; 〃Thou shalt not covet。〃
As I left the shop; I was conscious of a certain pleasure in the success of my attempt; as any thief might be; and I walked off very fast; clattering the coppers in the tin pail。
When I was fairly through the bars that led into the farmer's field; and nobody was in sight; I took out my purloined pennies; and looked at them as they lay in my palm。
Then a strange thing happened。 It was a bright morning; but it seemed to me as if the sky grew suddenly dark; and those two pennies began to burn through my hand; to scorch me; as if they were red hot; to my very soul。 It was agony to hold them。 I laid them down under a tuft of grass in the footpath; and ran as if I had left a demon behind me。 I did my errand; and returning; I looked about in the grass for the two cents; wondering whether they could make me feel so badly again。 But my good angel hid them from me; I never found them。
I was too much of a coward to confess my fault to my father; I had already begun to think of him as 〃an austere man;〃 like him in the parable of the talents。 I should have been a much happier child if I bad confessed; for I had to carry about with me for weeks and months a heavy burden of shame。 I thought of myself as a thief; and used to dream of being carried off to jail and condemned to the gallows for my offense: one of my story…books told about a boy who was hanged at Tyburn for stealing; and how was I better than he?
Whatever naughtiness I was guilty of afterwards; I never again wanted to take what belonged to another; whether in the family or out of it。 I hated the sight of the little sugar horseback rider from that day; and was thankful enough when some other child had bought him and left his place in the window vacant。
About this time I used to lie awake nights a good deal; wondering what became of infants who were wicked。 I had heard it said that all who died in infancy went to heaven; but it w