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To…day I rose late。 I went to the well。 I found nobody there。 The day grew hot。 White； shaggy cloudlets were flitting rapidly from the snow…clad mountains； giving promise of a thunder… storm； the summit of Mount Mashuk was smoking like a just extinguished torch； grey wisps of cloud were coiling and creeping like snakes around it； arrested in their rapid sweep and； as it were； hooked to its prickly brushwood。 The atmosphere was charged with electricity。 I plunged into the avenue of the vines leading to the grotto。
I felt low…spirited。 I was thinking of the lady with the little mole on her cheek； of whom the doctor had spoken to me。 。 。 〃Why is she here？〃 I thought。 〃And is it she？ And what reason have I for thinking it is？ And why am I so certain of it？ Is there not many a woman with a mole on her cheek？〃 Reflecting in such wise I came right up to the grotto。 I looked in and I saw that a woman； wearing a straw hat and wrapped in a black shawl； was sitting on a stone seat in the cold shade of the arch。 Her head was sunk upon her breast； and the hat covered her face。 I was just about to turn back； in order not to disturb her meditations； when she glanced at me。
〃Vera！〃 I exclaimed involuntarily。
She started and turned pale。
〃I knew that you were here；〃 she said。
I sat down beside her and took her hand。 A long…forgotten tremor ran through my veins at the sound of that dear voice。 She gazed into my face with her deep； calm eyes。 Mistrust and something in the nature of reproach were ex… pressed in her glance。
〃We have not seen each other for a long time；〃 I said。
〃A long time； and we have both changed in many ways。〃
〃Consequently you love me no longer？〃 。 。 。
〃I am married！〃 。 。 。 she said。
〃Again？ A few years ago； however； that reason also existed； but； nevertheless〃 。 。 。
She plucked her hand away from mine and her cheeks flamed。
〃Perhaps you love your second husband？〃 。 。 。
She made no answer and turned her head away。
〃Or is he very jealous？〃
She remained silent。
〃What then？ He is young； handsome and； I suppose； rich which is the chief thing and you are afraid？〃 。 。 。
I glanced at her and was alarmed。 Profound despair was depicted upon her countenance； tears were glistening in her eyes。
〃Tell me；〃 she whispered at length； 〃do you find it very amusing to torture me？ I ought to hate you。 Since we have known each other； you have given me naught but suffering〃 。 。 。
Her voice shook； she leaned over to me； and let her head sink upon my breast。
〃Perhaps；〃 I reflected； 〃it is for that very reason that you have loved me； joys are forgotten； but sorrows never〃 。 。 。
I clasped her closely to my breast； and so we remained for a long time。 At length our lips drew closer and became blent in a fervent； intoxicating kiss。 Her hands were cold as ice； her head was burning。
And hereupon we embarked upon one of those conversations which； on paper； have no sense； which it is impossible to repeat； and impossible even to retain in memory。 The meaning of the sounds replaces and completes the meaning of the words； as in Italian opera。
She is decidedly averse to my making the acquaintance of her husband； the lame old man of whom I had caught a glimpse on the boulevard。 She married him for the sake of her son。 He is rich； and suffers from attacks of rheumatism。 I did not allow myself even a single scoff at his expense。 She respects him as a father； and will deceive him as a husband。 。 。 A strange thing； the human heart in general； and woman's heart in particular。
Vera's husband； Semyon Vasilevich Gv； is a distant relation of Princess Ligovski。 He lives next door to her。 Vera frequently visits the Princess。 I have given her my promise to make the Ligovskis' acquaintance； and to pay court to Princess Mary in order to distract attention from Vera。 In such way； my plans have been not a little deranged； but it will be amusing for me。 。 。
Amusing！ 。 。 。 Yes； I have already passed that period of spiritual life when happiness alone is sought； when the heart feels the urgent necessity of violently and passionately loving somebody。 Now my only wish is to be loved； and that by very few。 I even think that I would be content with one constant attachment。 A wretched habit of the heart！ 。 。 。
One thing has always struck me as strange。 I have never made myself the slave of the woman I have loved。 On the contrary； I have always acquired an invincible power over her will and heart； without in the least endeavouring to do so。 Why is this？ Is it because I never esteem any… thing highly； and she has been continually afraid to let me out of her hands？ Or is it the magnetic influence of a powerful organism？ Or is it； simply； that I have never succeeded in meeting a woman of stubborn character？
I must confess that； in fact； I do not love women who possess strength of character。 What business have they with such a thing？
Indeed； I remember now。 Once and once only did I love a woman who had a firm will which I was never able to vanquish。 。 。 We parted as enemies and then； perhaps； if I had met her five years later we would have parted other… wise。 。 。
Vera is ill； very ill； although she does not admit it。 I fear she has consumption； or that disease which is called 〃fievre lente〃 a quite un… Russian disease； and one for which there is no name in our language。
The storm overtook us while in the grotto and detained us half an hour longer。 Vera did not make me swear fidelity； or ask whether I had loved others since we had parted。 。 。 She trusted in me anew with all her former unconcern； and I will not deceive her： she is the only woman in the world whom it would never be within my power to deceive。 I know that we shall soon have to part again； and perchance for ever。 We will both go by different ways to the grave； but her memory will remain inviolable within my soul。 I have always repeated this to her； and she believes me； although she says she does not。
At length we separated。 For a long time I followed her with my eyes； until her hat was hidden behind the shrubs and rocks。 My heart was painfully contracted； just as after our first parting。 Oh； how I rejoiced in that emotion！ Can it be that youth is about to come back to me； with its salutary tempests； or is this only the fare… well glance； the last gift in memory of itself？ 。 。 。 And to think that； in appearance； I am still a boy！ My face； though pale； is still fresh； my limbs are supple and slender； my hair is thick and curly； my eyes sparkle； my blood boils。 。 。
Returning home； I mounted on horseback and galloped to the steppe。 I love to gallop on a fiery horse through the tall grass； in the face of the desert wind； greedily I gulp down the fragrant air and fix my gaze upon the blue distance； endeavouring to seize the misty outlines of objects which every minute grow clearer and clearer。 Whatever griefs oppress my heart； whatever disquietudes torture my thoughts all are dispersed in a moment； my soul becomes at ease； the fatigue of the body vanquishes the disturbance of the mind。 There is not a woman's glance which I would not forg