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armadale-第178章

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fatalism of the heathen and the savage; and to look at the
mysteries that perplex; and the portents that daunt you; from the
Christian's point of view。 If I can succeed in this; I shall
clear your mind of the ghastly doubts that now oppress it; and I
shall reunite you to your friend; never to be parted from him
again。

〃I have no means of seeing and questioning you。 I can only send
this letter to Allan to be forwarded; if he knows; or can
discover; your present address。 Placed in this position toward
you; I am bound to assume all that _can_ be assumed in your
favor。 I will take it for granted that something has happened to
you or to Allan which to your mind has not only confirmed the
fatalist conviction in which your father died; but has added a
new and terrible meaning to the warning which he sent you in his
death…bed letter。

〃On this common ground I meet you。 On this common ground I appeal
to your higher nature and your better sense。

〃Preserve your present conviction that the events which have
happened (be they what they may) are not to be reconciled with
ordinary mortal coincidences and ordinary mortal laws; and view
your own position by the best and clearest light that your
superstition can throw on it。 What are you? You are a helpless
instrument in the hands of Fate。 You are doomed; beyond all human
capacity of resistance; to bring misery and destruction blindfold
on a man to whom you have harmlessly and gratefully united
yourself in the bonds of a brother's love。 All that is morally
firmest in your will and morally purest in your aspirations
avails nothing against the hereditary impulsion of you toward
evil; caused by a crime which your father committed before you
were born。 In what does that belief end? It ends in the darkness
in which you are now lost; in the self…contradictions in which
you are now bewildered; in the stubborn despair by which a man
profanes his own soul; and lowers himself to the level of the
brutes that perish。

〃Look up; my poor suffering brotherlook up; my hardly tried; my
well…loved friend; higher than this! Meet the doubts that now
assail you from the blessed vantage…ground of Christian courage
and Christian hope; and your heart will turn again to Allan; and
your mind will be at peace。 Happen what may; God is all…merciful;
God is all…wise: natural or supernatural; it happens through Him。
The mystery of Evil that perplexes our feeble minds; the sorrow
and the suffering that torture us in this little life; leave the
one great truth unshaken that the destiny of man is in the hands
of his Creator; and that God's blessed Son died to make us
worthier of it。 Nothing that is done in unquestioning submission
to the wisdom of the Almighty is done wrong。 No evil exists out
of which; in obedience to his laws; Good may not come。 Be true to
what Christ tells you is true。 Encourage in yourself; be the
circumstances what they may; all that is loving; all that is
grateful; all that is patient; all that is forgiving; toward your
fellow…men。 And humbly and trustfully leave the rest to the God
who made you; and to the Saviour who loved you better than his
own life。

〃This is the faith in which I have lived; by the Divine help and
mercy; from my youth upward。 I ask you earnestly; I ask you
confidently; to make it your faith; too。 It is the mainspring of
all the good I have ever done; of all the happiness I have ever
known; it lightens my darkness; it sustains my hope; it comforts
and quiets me; lying here; to live or die; I know not which。 Let
it sustain; comfort; and enlighten you。 It will help you in your
sorest need; as it has helped me in mine。 It will show you
another purpose in the events which brought you and Allan
together than the purpose which your guilty father foresaw。
Strange things; I do not deny it; have happened to you already。
Stranger things still may happen before long; which I may not
live to see。 Remember; if that time comes; that I died firmly
disbelieving in your influence over Allan being other than an
influence for good。 The great sacrifice of the AtonementI say
it reverentlyhas its mortal reflections; even in this world。 If
danger ever threatens Allan; you; whose father took his father's
lifeYOU; and no other; may be the man whom the providence of
God has appointed to save him。

〃Come to me if I live。 Go back to the friend who loves you;
whether I live or die。

〃Yours affectionately to the last;

〃DECIMUS BROCK。〃

〃 'YOU; and no other; may be the man whom the providence of God
has appointed to save him!'

〃Those are the words which have shaken me to the soul。 Those are
the words which make me feel as if the dead man had left his
grave; and had put his hand on the place in my heart where my
terrible secret lies hidden from every living creature but
myself。 One part of the letter has come true already。 The danger
that it foresees threatens Armadale at this momentand threatens
him from Me!

〃If the favoring circumstances which have driven me thus far
drive me on to the end; and if that old man's last earthly
conviction is prophetic of the truth; Armadale will escape me; do
what I may。 And Midwinter will be the victim who is sacrificed to
save his life。

〃It is horrible! it is impossible! it shall never be! At the
thinking of it only; my hand trembles and my heart sinks。 I bless
the trembling that unnerves me! I bless the sinking that turns me
faint! I bless those words in the letter which have revived the
relenting thoughts that first came to me two days since! Is it
hard; now that events are taking me; smoothly and safely; nearer
and nearer to the Endis it hard to conquer the temptation to go
on? No! If there is only a chance of harm coming to Midwinter;
the dread of that chance is enough to decide meenough to
strengthen me to conquer the temptation; for his sake。 I have
never loved him yet; never; never; never as I love him now!


〃Sunday; August 10th。The eve of my wedding…day! I close and
lock this book; never to write in it; never to open it again。

〃I have won the great victory; I have trampled my own wickedness
under foot。 I am innocent; I am happy again。 My love! my angel!
when to…morrow gives me to you; I will not have a thought in my
heart which is not _your_ thought; as well as mine!〃

CHAPTER XV。

THE WEDDING…DAY。

THE time was nine o'clock in the morning。 The place was a private
room in one of the old…fashioned inns which still remain on the
Borough side of the Thames。 The date was Monday; the 11th of
August。 And the person was Mr。 Bashwood; who had traveled to
London on a summons from his son; and had taken up his abode at
the inn on the previous day。

He had never yet looked so pitiably old and helpless as he looked
now。 The fever and chill of alternating hope and despair had
dried; and withered; and wasted him。 The angles of his figure had
sharpened。 The outline of his face had shrunk。 His dress pointed
the melancholy change in him with a merciless and shocking
emphasis。 Never; even in his youth; had he worn such clothes as
he wore now。 With the desperate resolution to leave no chance
untried of producing an impression on Miss Gwilt; he had ca
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