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grief at his heart that was trying to master him。 But there are
times when his will is a will of iron。 He took another turn in
the room； and crushed it down。 He came back； and stood over me
again。
〃 'When Allan comes here to…morrow；' he resumed； 'let him come
into my room； if he wants to see me。 I shall tell him that I find
it impossi ble to finish the work I now have on hand as soon as I
had hoped； and that he must； therefore； arrange to find a crew
for the yacht without any assistance on my part。 If he comes； in
his disappointment； to appeal to you； give him no hope of my
being free in time to help him if he waits。 Encourage him to take
the best assistance he can get from strangers； and to set about
manning the yacht without any further delay。 The more occupation
he has to keep him away from this house； and the less you
encourage him to stay here if he does come； the better I shall be
pleased。 Don't forget that； and don't forget one last direction
which I have now to give you。 When the vessel is ready for sea；
and when Allan invites us to sail with him； it is my wish that
you should positively decline to go。 He will try to make you
change your mind； for I shall； of course； decline； on my side； to
leave you in this strange house； and in this foreign country； by
yourself。 No matter what he says； let nothing persuade you to
alter your decision。 Refuse； positively and finally！ Refuse； I
insist on it； to set your foot on the new yacht！'
〃He ended quietly and firmly； with no faltering in his voice； and
no signs of hesitation or relenting in his face。 The sense of
surprise which I might otherwise have felt at the strange words
he had addressed to me was lost in the sense of relief that they
brought to my mind。 The dread of _those other words_ that I had
expected to hear from him left me as suddenly as it had come。 I
could look at him； I could speak to him once more。
〃 'You may depend；' I answered； 'on my doing exactly what you
order me to do。 Must I obey you blindly？ Or may I know your
reason for the extraordinary directions you have just given to
me？'
〃His； face darkened； and he sat down on the other side of my
dressing…table； with a heavy； hopeless sigh。
〃 'You may know the reason；' he said； 'if you wish it。' He waited
a little； and considered。 'You have a right to know the reason；'
he resumed； 'for you yourself are concerned in it。' He waited a
little again； and again went on。 'I can only explain the strange
request I have just made to you in one way；' be said。 'I must ask
you to recall what happened in the next room； before Allan left
us to…night。'
〃He looked at me with a strange mixture of expressions in his
face。 At one moment I thought he felt pity for me。 At another； it
seemed more like horror of me。 I began to feel frightened again；
I waited for his next words in silence。
〃 'I know that I have been working too hard lately；' he went on；
'and that my nerves are sadly shaken。 It is possible； in the
state I am in now； that I may have unconsciously misinterpreted；
or distorted； the circumstances that really took place。 You will
do me a favor if you will test my recollection of what has
happened by your own。 If my fancy has exaggerated anything； if my
memory is playing me false anywhere； I entreat you to stop me；
and tell me of it。'
〃I commanded myself sufficiently to ask what the circumstances
were to which he referred； and in what way I was personally
concerned in them。
〃 'You were personally concerned in them in this way；' he
answered。 'The circumstances to which I refer began with your
speaking to Allan about Miss Milroy； in what I thought a very
inconsiderate and very impatient manner。 I am afraid I spoke just
as petulantly on my side； and I beg your pardon for what I said
to you in the irritation of the moment。 You left the room。 After
a short absence； you came back again； and made a perfectly proper
apology to Allan； which he received with his usual kindness and
sweetness of temper。 While this went on； you and he were both
standing by the supper…table； and Allan resumed some conversation
which had already passed between you about the Neapolitan wine。
He said he thought he should learn to like it in time； and he
asked leave to take another glass of the wine we had on the
table。 Am I right so far？'
〃The words almost died on my lips； but I forced them out； and
answered him that he was right so far。
〃 'You took the flask out of Allan's hand；' he proceeded。 'You
said to him； good…humoredly； 〃You know you don't really like the
wine； Mr。 Armadale。 Let me make you something which may be more
to your taste。 I have a recipe of my own for lemonade。 Will you
favor me by trying it？〃 In those words； you made your proposal to
him； and he accepted it。 Did he also ask leave to look on； and
learn how the lemonade was made？ and did you tell him that he
would only confuse you； and that you would give him the recipe in
writing； if he wanted it？'
〃This time the words did really die on my lips。 I could only bow
my head； and answer 'Yes' mutely in that way。 Midwinter went on。
〃 'Allan laughed； and went to the window to look out at the Bay；
and I went with him。 After a while Allan remarked； jocosely； that
the mere sound of the liquids you were pouring out made him
thirsty。 When he said this； I turned round from the window。 I
approached you； and said the lemonade took a long time to make。
You touched me； as I was walking away again； and handed me the
tumbler filled to the brim。 At the same time； Allan turned round
from the window； and I； in my turn； handed the tumbler to
_him。_Is there any mistake so far？'
〃The quick throbbing of my heart almost choked me。 I could just
shake my headI could do no more。
〃 'I saw Allan raise the tumbler to his lips。Did _you_ see it？
I saw his face turn white in an instant。Did _you？_ I saw the
glass fall from his hand on the floor。 I saw him stagger； and
caught him before he fell。 Are these things true？ For God's sake；
search your memory； and tell meare these things true？'
〃The throbbing at my heart seemed； for one breathless instant； to
stop。 The next moment something fiery； something maddening； flew
through me。 I started to my feet； with my temper in a flame；
reckless of all consequences； desperate enough to say anything。
〃 'Your questions are an insult！ Your looks are an insult！' I
burst out。 '_Do you think I tried to poison him？_'
〃The words rushed out of my lips in spite of me。 They were the
last words under heaven that any woman； in such a situation as
mine； ought to have spoken。 And yet I spoke them！
〃He rose in alarm and gave me my smelling…bottle。 'Hush！ hush！'
he said。 'You； too； are overwroughtyou； too； are overexcited by
all that has happened to…night。 You are talking wildly and
shockingly。 Good God！ how can you have so utterly misunderstood
me？ Compose yourselfpray； compose yourself。'
〃He might as well have told a wild animal to compose herself。
Having been mad enough to say the words； I was mad enough next to
return to the subject of the lemonade； in spite of his entreaties
to me to be silent。
〃 'I told you what I had put in the glass； the moment Mr