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that has followed me from my father's grave。〃
Softlyas if he feared they might reach Allan； sleeping in the
neighboring roomhe read the last terrible words which the
Scotchman's pen had written at Wildbad； as they fell from his
father's lips：
〃Avoid the widow of the man I killedif the widow still lives。
Avoid the maid whose wicked hand smoothed the way to the
marriageif the maid is still in her service。 And； more than
all； avoid the man who bears the same name as your own。 Offend
your best benefactor； if that benefactor's influence has
connected you one with the other。 Desert the woman who loves you；
if that woman is a link between you and him。 Hide yourself from
him under an assumed name。 Put the mountains and the seas between
you； be ungrateful； be unforgiving； be all that is most repellent
to your own gentler nature； rather than live under the same roof
and breathe the same air with that man。 Never let the two Allan
Armadales meet in this world； never； never； never！〃
After reading those sentences； he pushed the manuscript from him；
without looking up。 The fatal reserve which he had been in a fair
way of conquering but a few minutes since； possessed itself of
him once more。 Again his eyes wandered； again his voice sank in
tone。 A stranger who had heard his story； and who saw him now；
would have said； 〃His look is lurking； his manner is bad； he is；
every inch of him； his father's son。〃
〃I have a question to ask you；〃 said Mr。 Brock； breaking the
silence between them； on his side。 〃Why have you just read that
passage in your father's letter？〃
〃To force me into telling you the truth；〃 was the answer。 〃You
must know how much there is of my father in me before you trust
me to be Mr。 Armadale's friend。 I got my letter yesterday； in the
morning。 Some inner warning troubled me； and I went down on the
sea…shore by myself before I broke the seal。 Do you believe the
dead can come back to the world they once lived in？ I believe my
father came back in that bright morning light； through the glare
of that broad sunshine and the roar of that joyful sea； and
watched me while I read。 When I got to the words that you have
just heard； and when I knew that the very end which he had died
dreading was the end that had really come； I felt the horror that
had crept over him in his last moments creeping over me。 I
struggled against myself； as _he_ would have had me struggle。 I
tried to be all that was most repellent to my own gentler nature；
I tried to think pitilessly of putting the mountains and the seas
between me and the man who bore my name。 Hours passed before I
could prevail on myself to go back and run the risk of meeting
Allan Armadale in this house。 When I did get back； and when he
met me at night on the stairs； I thought I was looking him in the
face as _my_ father looked _his_ father in the face when the
cabin door closed between them。 Draw your own conclusions； sir。
Say； if you like； that the inheritance of my father's heathen
belief in fate is one of the inheritances he has left to me。 I
won't dispute it； I won't deny that all through yesterday _his_
superstition was _my_ superstition。 The night came before I could
find my way to calmer and brighter thoughts。 But I did find my
way。 You may set it down in my favor that I lifted myself at last
above the influence of this horrible letter。 Do you know what
helped me？〃
〃Did you reason with yourself？〃
〃I can't reason about what I feel。〃
〃Did you quiet your mind by prayer？〃
〃I was not fit to pray。〃
〃And yet something guided you to the better feeling and the truer
view？〃
〃Something did。〃
〃What was it？〃
〃My love for Allan Armadale。〃
He cast a doubting； almost a timid look at Mr。 Brock as he gave
that answer； and； suddenly leaving the table； went back to the
window…seat。
〃Have I no right to speak of him in that way？〃 he asked； keeping
his face hidden from the rector。 〃Have I not known him long
enough； have I not done enough for him yet？ Remember what my
experience of other men had been when I first saw his hand held
out to mewhen I first heard his voice speaking to me in my
sick…room。 What had I known of strangers' hands all through my
childhood？ I had only known them as hands raised to threaten and
to strike me。 His hand put my pillow straight； and patted me on
the shoulder； and gave me my food and drink。 What had I known of
other men's voices； when I was growing up to be a man myself？ I
had only known them as voices that jeered； voices that cursed；
voices that whispered in corners with a vile distrust。 _His_
voice said to me； 'Cheer up； Midwinter！ we'll soon bring you
round again。 You'll be strong enough in a week to go out for a
drive with me in our Somersetshire lanes。' Think of the gypsy's
stick； think of the devils laughing at me when I we nt by their
windows with my little dead dog in my arms； think of the master
who cheated me of my month's salary on his deathbedand ask your
own heart if the miserable wretch whom Allan Armadale has treated
as his equal and his friend has said too much in saying that he
loves him？ I do love him！ It _will_ come out of me； I can't keep
it back。 I love the very ground he treads on！ I would give my
lifeyes； the life that is precious to me now； because his
kindness has made it a happy oneI tell you I would give my
life〃
The next words died away on his lips； the hysterical passion
rose； and conquered him。 He stretched out one of his hands with a
wild gesture of entreaty to Mr。 Brock； his head sank on the
window…sill and he burst into tears。
Even then the hard discipline of the man's life asserted itself。
He expected no sympathy； he counted on no merciful human respect
for human weakness。 The cruel necessity of self…suppression was
present to his mind； while the tears were pouring over his
cheeks。 〃Give me a minute；〃 he said； faintly。 〃I'll fight it down
in a minute； I won't distress you in this way again。〃
True to his resolution； in a minute he had fought it down。 In a
minute more he was able to speak calmly。
〃We will get back； sir； to those better thoughts which have
brought me from my room to yours；〃 he resumed。 〃I can only repeat
that I should never have torn myself from the hold which this
letter fastened on me； if I had not loved Allan Armadale with all
that I have in me of a brother's love。 I said to myself； 'If the
thought of leaving him breaks my heart； the thought of leaving
him is wrong！' That was some hours since； and I am in the same
mind still。 I can't believeI won't believethat a friendship
which has grown out of nothing but kindness on one side； and
nothing but gratitude on the other； is destined to lead to an
evil end。 Judge； you who are a clergyman； between the dead
father； whose word is in these pages； and the living son； whose
word is now on his lips！ What is it appointed me to do； now that
I am breathing the same air； and living under the same roof with
the son of the man whom my father killedto perpetuate my
father's crime by mortally injuring him； or to atone for my
father's crime by giving him the devotion of my whole life？ The
last of those two faiths is my faith； and shall be my fait