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the cottagers and tenants； and would order Gaffer Jones
to be converted； as she would order Goody Hicks to take
a James's powder； without appeal； resistance； or benefit of
clergy。 My Lord Southdown； her late husband； an epileptic
and simple…minded nobleman； was in the habit of
approving of everything which his Matilda did and
thought。 So that whatever changes her own belief might
undergo （and it accommodated itself to a prodigious
variety of opinion； taken from all sorts of doctors among
the Dissenters） she had not the least scruple in ordering
all her tenants and inferiors to follow and believe after
her。 Thus whether she received the Reverend Saunders
McNitre； the Scotch divine； or the Reverend Luke Waters；
the mild Wesleyan； or the Reverend Giles Jowls； the
illuminated Cobbler； who dubbed himself Reverend as
Napoleon crowned himself Emperorthe household；
children； tenantry of my Lady Southdown were expected to
go down on their knees with her Ladyship； and say Amen
to the prayers of either Doctor。 During these exercises old
Southdown； on account of his invalid condition； was
allowed to sit in his own room； and have negus and the
paper read to him。 Lady Jane was the old Earl's favourite
daughter； and tended him and loved him sincerely： as for
Lady Emily； the authoress of the 〃Washerwoman of
Finchley Common；〃 her denunciations of future punishment
（at this period； for her opinions modified afterwards）
were so awful that they used to frighten the timid
old gentleman her father； and the physicians declared his
fits always occurred after one of her Ladyship's sermons。
〃I will certainly call；〃 said Lady Southdown then； in
reply to the exhortation of her daughter's pretendu； Mr。
Pitt Crawley〃Who is Miss Crawley's medical man？〃
Mr。 Crawley mentioned the name of Mr。 Creamer。
〃A most dangerous and ignorant practitioner； my dear
Pitt。 I have providentially been the means of removing
him from several houses： though in one or two
instances I did not arrive in time。 I could not save poor
dear General Glanders； who was dying under the hands of
that ignorant mandying。 He rallied a little under the
Podgers' pills which I administered to him； but alas！ it
was too late。 His death was delightful； however； and his
change was only for the better； Creamer； my dear Pitt；
must leave your aunt。〃
Pitt expressed his perfect acquiescence。 He； too； had
been carried along by the energy of his noble kinswoman；
and future mother…in…law。 He had been made to accept
Saunders McNitre； Luke Waters； Giles Jowls； Podgers'
Pills； Rodgers' Pills； Pokey's Elixir； every one of her
Ladyship's remedies spiritual or temporal。 He never left
her house without carrying respectfully away with him
piles of her quack theology and medicine。 O； my dear
brethren and fellow…sojourners in Vanity Fair； which
among you does not know and suffer under such
benevolent despots？ It is in vain you say to them； 〃Dear
Madam； I took Podgers' specific at your orders last year；
and believe in it。 Why； why am I to recant and accept the
Rodgers' articles now？〃 There is no help for it； the faithful
proselytizer； if she cannot convince by argument；
bursts into tears； and the refusant finds himself； at the
end of the contest； taking down the bolus； and saying；
〃Well； well； Rodgers' be it。〃
〃And as for her spiritual state；〃 continued the Lady；
〃that of course must be looked to immediately： with
Creamer about her； she may go off any day： and in what
a condition； my dear Pitt； in what a dreadful condition！
I will send the Reverend Mr。 Irons to her instantly。 Jane；
write a line to the Reverend Bartholomew Irons； in the
third person； and say that I desire the pleasure of his
company this evening at tea at half…past six。 He is an
awakening man； he ought to see Miss Crawley before she
rests this night。 And Emily； my love； get ready a packet
of books for Miss Crawley。 Put up 'A Voice from the
Flames；' 'A Trumpet…warning to Jericho；' and the
'Fleshpots Broken； or； the Converted Cannibal。' 〃
〃And the 'Washerwoman of Finchley Common；'
Mamma；〃 said Lady Emily。 〃It is as well to begin
soothingly at first。〃
〃Stop； my dear ladies；〃 said Pitt； the diplomatist。
〃With every deference to the opinion of my beloved and
respected Lady Southdown； I think it would be quite
unadvisable to commence so early upon serious topics with
Miss Crawley。 Remember her delicate condition； and how
little； how very little accustomed she has hitherto been
to considerations connected with her immortal welfare。〃
〃Can we then begin too early； Pitt？〃 said Lady Emily；
rising with six little books already in her hand。
〃If you begin abruptly； you will frighten her altogether。
I know my aunt's worldly nature so well as to be sure
that any abrupt attempt at conversion will be the very
worst means that can be employed for the welfare of that
unfortunate lady。 You will only frighten and annoy her。
She will very likely fling the books away； and refuse all
acquaintance with the givers。〃
〃You are as worldly as Miss Crawley； Pitt；〃 said Lady
Emily； tossing out of the room； her books in her hand。
〃And I need not tell you； my dear Lady Southdown；〃
Pitt continued； in a low voice； and without heeding the
interruption； 〃how fatal a little want of gentleness and
caution may be to any hopes which we may entertain with
regard to the worldly possessions of my aunt。 Remember
she has seventy thousand pounds； think of her age； and
her highly nervous and delicate condition； I know that she
has destroyed the will which was made in my brother's
（Colonel Crawley's） favour： it is by soothing that
wounded spirit that we must lead it into the right path；
and not by frightening it； and so I think you will agree
with me thatthat'
〃Of course； of course；〃 Lady Southdown remarked。
〃Jane； my love； you need not send that note to Mr。 Irons。
If her health is such that discussions fatigue her； we will
wait her amendment。 I will call upon Miss Crawley
tomorrow。〃
〃And if I might suggest； my sweet lady；〃 Pitt said in a
bland tone； 〃it would be as well not to take our precious
Emily； who is too enthusiastic； but rather that you should
be accompanied by our sweet and dear Lady Jane。〃
〃Most certainly； Emily would ruin everything；〃 Lady
Southdown said； and this time agreed to forego her usual
practice； which was； as we have said； before she bore
down personally upon any individual whom she proposed
to subjugate； to fire in a quantity of tracts upon the
menaced party （as a charge of the French was always
preceded by a furious cannonade）。 Lady Southdown； we
say； for the sake of the invalid's health； or for the sake
of her soul's ultimate welfare； or for the sake of her
money； agreed to temporise。
The next day； the great Southdown female family
carriage； with the Earl's coronet and the lozenge （upon
which the three lambs trottant argent upon the field vert
of the Southdowns； were quartered with sable on a bend
or； three snuff…mulls gules； the cognizance of the house of
Binkie）； drove up in state to Miss Crawley's door； and
the tall serious footman handed in to Mr。 Bowls her
Ladyship's cards for Miss Crawley； and one likewise for
Mi