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of a lady frightened him beyond measure； hence it was
but seldom that he joined the paternal circle in Russell
Square； where there was plenty of gaiety； and where the
jokes of his good…natured old father frightened his
amour…propre。 His bulk caused Joseph much anxious
thought and alarm； now and then he would make a
desperate attempt to get rid of his superabundant fat；
but his indolence and love of good living speedily got
the better of these endeavours at reform； and he found
himself again at his three meals a day。 He never was
well dressed； but he took the hugest pains to adorn his
big person； and passed many hours daily in that occupation。
His valet made a fortune out of his wardrobe： his
toilet…table was covered with as many pomatums and
essences as ever were employed by an old beauty： he had
tried； in order to give himself a waist； every girth； stay；
and waistband then invented。 Like most fat men； he
would have his clothes made too tight； and took care
they should be of the most brilliant colours and youthful
cut。 When dressed at length； in the afternoon； he would
issue forth to take a drive with nobody in the Park；
and then would come back in order to dress again and
go and dine with nobody at the Piazza Coffee…House。
He was as vain as a girl； and perhaps his extreme
shyness was one of the results of his extreme vanity。 If
Miss Rebecca can get the better of him； and at her first
entrance into life； she is a young person of no ordinary
cleverness。
The first move showed considerable skill。 When she
called Sedley a very handsome man； she knew that
Amelia would tell her mother； who would probably tell
Joseph； or who； at any rate； would be pleased by the
compliment paid to her son。 All mothers are。 If you
had told Sycorax that her son Caliban was as handsome
as Apollo； she would have been pleased； witch as she
was。 Perhaps； too； Joseph Sedley would overhear the
complimentRebecca spoke loud enoughand he did
hear； and （thinking in his heart that he was a very fine
man） the praise thrilled through every fibre of his big
body； and made it tingle with pleasure。 Then； however；
came a recoil。 〃Is the girl making fun of me？〃 he thought；
and straightway he bounced towards the bell； and was
for retreating； as we have seen； when his father's jokes
and his mother's entreaties caused him to pause and
stay where he was。 He conducted the young lady down
to dinner in a dubious and agitated frame of mind。
〃Does she really think I am handsome？〃 thought he；
〃or is she only making game of me？〃 We have talked
of Joseph Sedley being as vain as a girl。 Heaven help
us！ the girls have only to turn the tables； and say
of one of their own sex； 〃She is as vain as a man；〃
and they will have perfect reason。 The bearded creatures
are quite as eager for praise； quite as finikin over their
toilettes； quite as proud of their personal advantages；
quite as conscious of their powers of fascination； as
any coquette in the world。
Downstairs； then； they went； Joseph very red and
blushing； Rebecca very modest； and holding her green
eyes downwards。 She was dressed in white； with bare
shoulders as white as snowthe picture of youth；
unprotected innocence； and humble virgin simplicity。
〃I must be very quiet；〃 thought Rebecca； 〃and very much
interested about India。〃
Now we have heard how Mrs。 Sedley had prepared a
fine curry for her son； just as he liked it； and in the
course of dinner a portion of this dish was offered to
Rebecca。 〃What is it？〃 said she； turning an appealing
look to Mr。 Joseph。
〃Capital；〃 said he。 His mouth was full of it： his face
quite red with the delightful exercise of gobbling。
〃Mother； it's as good as my own curries in India。〃
〃Oh； I must try some； if it is an Indian dish；〃 said
Miss Rebecca。 〃I am sure everything must be good that
comes from there。〃
〃Give Miss Sharp some curry； my dear；〃 said Mr。
Sedley； laughing。
Rebecca had never tasted the dish before。
〃Do you find it as good as everything else from India？〃
said Mr。 Sedley。
〃Oh； excellent！〃 said Rebecca； who was suffering
tortures with the cayenne pepper。
〃Try a chili with it； Miss Sharp；〃 said Joseph； really
interested。
〃A chili；〃 said Rebecca； gasping。 〃Oh yes！〃 She thought
a chili was something cool； as its name imported；
and was served with some。 〃How fresh and green they
look；〃 she said； and put one into her mouth。 It was
hotter than the curry； flesh and blood could bear it no
longer。 She laid down her fork。 〃Water； for Heaven's
sake； water！〃 she cried。 Mr。 Sedley burst out laughing
（he was a coarse man； from the Stock Exchange； where
they love all sorts of practical jokes）。 〃They are real
Indian； I assure you；〃 said he。 〃Sambo； give Miss Sharp
some water。〃
The paternal laugh was echoed by Joseph； who thought
the joke capital。 The ladies only smiled a little。 They
thought poor Rebecca suffered too much。 She would have
liked to choke old Sedley； but she swallowed her
mortification as well as she had the abominable curry
before it； and as soon as she could speak； said； with a comical；
good…humoured air； 〃I ought to have remembered the
pepper which the Princess of Persia puts in the cream…
tarts in the Arabian Nights。 Do you put cayenne into
your cream…tarts in India； sir？〃
Old Sedley began to laugh； and thought Rebecca
was a good…humoured girl。 Joseph simply said； 〃Cream…
tarts； Miss？ Our cream is very bad in Bengal。 We
generally use goats' milk； and； 'gad； do you know； I've got
to prefer it！〃
〃You won't like EVERYTHING from India now； Miss
Sharp；〃 said the old gentleman； but when the ladies had
retired after dinner； the wily old fellow said to his son；
〃Have a care； Joe； that girl is setting her cap at you。〃
〃Pooh！ nonsense！〃 said Joe； highly flattered。 〃I recollect；
sir； there was a girl at Dumdum； a daughter of
Cutler of the Artillery； and afterwards married to Lance；
the surgeon； who made a dead set at me in the year
'4at me and Mulligatawney； whom I mentioned to you
before dinnera devilish good fellow Mulligatawney
he's a magistrate at Budgebudge； and sure to be in
council in five years。 Well； sir； the Artillery gave a ball；
and Quintin； of the King's 14th； said to me； 'Sedley；' said
he； 'I bet you thirteen to ten that Sophy Cutler hooks
either you or Mulligatawney before the rains。' 'Done；'
says I； and egad； sirthis claret's very good。 Adamson's
or Carbonell's？〃
A slight snore was the only reply： the honest stockbroker
was asleep； and so the rest of Joseph's story was lost
for that day。 But he was always exceedingly
communicative in a man's party； and has told this
delightful tale many scores of times to his apothecary；
Dr。 Gollop； when he came to inquire about the liver and
the blue…pill。
Being an invalid； Joseph Sedley contented himself with
a bottle of claret besides his Madeira at dinner； and
he managed a couple of plates full of strawberries and
cream； and twenty…four little rout cakes that were lying
neglected in a plate near him； and certainly （for
novelists have the privilege of knowing everything）
he thought a great deal about the girl upstairs。 〃A nice；
gay； merry young creature；〃 thought he to himself。